Last night while I was reading in bed and ready to nod off to sleep, my wife asked me to give her a blessing. Being a nevermo, and an atheist to boot, I was taken aback.

"You want a blessing...from me?"

My wife has been under a lot of stress in the past couple years ranging from a vindictive ex-husband, estranged children (all adults), job changes, siblings and a mother with health issues, and health issues of her own; and it weighs upon her such that she can't sleep, which only compounds things.

These are all things I've been helping her to manage and to keep in perspective. I've helped her to make plans, identify knowns and unknowns, and to have contingencies for when plans have to change. Last night I reassured her that she's doing all she can on all fronts, and that her efforts and patience are already starting to show positive results, particularly with her estranged children.

No, she wanted me to bestow a blessing upon her, complete with hands upon her head, so that she would know in her heart that everything is going to be alright. She insisted that even though I don't have the "power of the priesthood" I could still pray to God to give her the peace of heart that she needs.

I was more than a little angry next to her in bed. I thought I had already given her all the tools she would need to reassure herself, and had already assured her that things were going to plan and improving. What's with this blessing that I haven't already done for her.

Inner dialogue about my anger and options over; I proceeded to give her the blessing she requested, repeating all of the assurances that I had already given her, but as a prayer to God that he would help her have peace in knowing that all is being done that can be done.

She seemed calmer after that, but I couldn't help telling myself that this is such BS.

She has admitted in the past that I didn't need the church because I made good decisions. And as I have told her in the past, I merely do my best to analyze situations and options before acting, particularly when I recognize that I'm getting stressed and need to take a step back. I don't beat myself up over mistakes that I have made or over things I can't change. That is what I'm trying to help her do for herself so that she won't need the church either. But, as last night shows, she still needs the church as a crutch.

Your wife may be under more stress than you realize. People fall back on old beliefs when the stress of living for them becomes so difficult they can no longer stand it. Their old beliefs may not be true and they may no longer believe them, but they are comfort food and a crutch in times of trouble and difficulty.

I'm a big, bad ass atheist!! ...who, when aware of his surroundings, avoids stepping on sidewalk cracks.

Of course I know that stepping on a crack means nothing! But as the aged wolf who'd become a vegetarian when he married Dolly the Sheep said after he bit the hospice nurse, "Sorry, but old habits die hard."

You affirmed your support of your wife in a manner that helped her.

You were a supportive and loving husband.

Give her a smile and a hug and never give her a reason to reach out to the church when she can reach out to you.

Good luck.

I think you gave her the spiritual equivalent of comfort food which gave her something that truly nutritional foods--quinoa and kale--- can't. She understands the power of a good man and likes to think your good vibrations will help her. Perhaps you can pass energy to others. I've often thought that.

Maybe some "BS" falls into a gray area?

Thank you for your replies...even yours, eod. ;-)

One of the things that bothers me is that my wife seems almost envious when she says that I don't need the church because I "make good decisions", and yet she won't accept efforts to help her "not need the church" either.

Maybe she just doesn't have faith in my lack of faith.

gay resigned father to give her a blessing a year or 2 after she went back to church. He was also taken aback. I was more taken aback, but I wasn't supposed to know, as it was a blessing that she could get along with her mother.

What I can say is that there was a brief time I thought maybe blessings would help--when I was trying to find answers to my gay boyfriend/husband being gay and what to do. I'd fast and fast and then go to the bishop for a blessing. I only did this 3 times and I never once felt that everything would be all right after the blessings. I felt empty, blank, as though the heavens had slammed shut.

As others have said, I still believe that if it gives her some comfort, why not?

Thanks. Regardless of how I felt, I still recognized that she thought a blessing would give her comfort. And so I rationally tried to give her comfort in the manner that meant the most to her.

Funny thing is that it seems Mormons see the priesthood as necessary middlemen to receiving blessings (answers) from God; and I see God as an unnecessary middleman to finding those same answers for/within myself.

Nice. Now this atheist wants a blessing from you too. :)

I charge extra for housecalls. ;-)

Seriously, though...as with most instances where teachable moments come up with my wife regarding TSCC, the circumstances last night precluded a discussion that would have no doubt led to an argument that neither of us needed.

These untaught moments start piling up, and it's best to let off some steam here rather than blow up at my wife when all she was looking for was comfort.

That being said, I did feel close to blowing up last night (long back story leading up to it, won't get into it here), and it didn't seem the time for me to say, "Sorry, dear, but that blessing is going to have to wait until I whine about it on RfM."

Think of it as a formal reassurance, given in a manner that she can more readily process. Ritualized encouragement and support, but called a "blessing" only because that's her vocabulary.

That she asked it of you, rather than going to the home teachers or the bishop, says more IMO than asking for one in the first place. It says she trusts you more than official church representatives.

Yes, you are right. She could have asked her HT, bishop, or even the missionaries...and she has counseled others to do the same...but she asked me, despite knowing that I put no stock in any of it. As you say, she trusted what I had to say, but had to hear it in a familiar format.