One of my TBM sisters decided months ago to unfriend all of our family members from social media and isn't calling or texting anyone (except for me...we get along and understand each other pretty well). There's been a lot of family drama and it has been causing her too much stress. For her own sanity and health she needed a break. My TBM parents can't stand it. They can't see past their own feelings about their daughter not talking to them. They can't possibly fathom that she has pulled back because she is so deeply wounded by their actions and continual drama that it is causing her mental and physical distress.

Selfish. They are selfish. Now my sis tells me that TBM dad has sent her another guilty text asking if he was ever going to see her on this side of the veil. Typical. Always using religion as a control/guilt tactic. Without going into all the drama (because I could write novels upon novels about it all), our parents are both highly manipulative narcissists. My sister has chosen to distance herself from the abuse. They, of course, think they are saints and that my sister is just being difficult and a bad family member. Their guilt tactics and manipulation attempts and bad mouthing her to everyone else is just pushing her further away. Why would someone who has decided to protect themselves want to go back to that? It also blows my mind that Mormons think they somehow get possession over their family members in heaven. She doesn't want to be around them now...what makes them think she would want to in the afterlife (assuming there is one)?!

My narcissist sister thinks that since she goes to church, our mother and dad love her more. Well, she always thought that. It is as though we have no parents and they are all her's. She acted as though my parents didn't die, only her's.

The best thing she can do is to have NO CONTACT AT ALL and if they contact you, never tell her what they said.

Let them live in their delusions. I know how hard it is to tell ourselves, BUT I'M OKAY. It is their problem. Very, very difficult. I know too damn well.

Mormonism makes us think we HAVE TO get along with family, that we have to have them in our lives. NO WE DON'T.

Wow, so sad.

If it were me...I might text "dad" back, and say:

"Unless you want me to block your texts, too, stop texting me stuff like this."

:)

Social media is a blessing and a curse.

I have "ghosted" casual friends in the past because the upkeep was just too much trouble. Thankfully, our family gets along and we live close by.

But Facebook and "friending" are too intrusive and too time consuming,so we don't do it anymore.

As too your demanding parents, your sister is wise to opt out of that kind of family drama.

Yet another fine example of real family love, brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!

I've never seen so much family trouble, fighting, shunning, etc. (in my own family too) as I've seen stemming from the true gospel of a perfect and loving god that wants families to be together forever. Yay!!!!

My never-mo wife is the youngest of 7. She remains in regular contact with ALL of her siblings, and no matter what the fuss is about, they all work through it and come out just fine. They also see each other about once a year and live all across the US. I feel real love in her family.

I'm the youngest of 6 from a totally TBM family. 3 of us left the church and one of those has died. The remaining ex-mo and I are close, but live far away, so we see each other about once a year or when we can. I haven't seen or spoken to my TBM siblings for years.

Nothing like mormonism to bring a family together.

Jonny the Smoke Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've never seen so much family trouble, fighting,
> shunning, etc. (in my own family too) as I've seen
> stemming from the true gospel of a perfect and
> loving god that wants families to be together
> forever. Yay!!!!
>
> Nothing like mormonism to bring a family together.


Drop the mic, Jonny! You win the internet today, my friend. :)

IMO your sister should consider blocking her parents' calls and texts as well. Should she change her mind down the road, she can always unblock them.

People will never feel whole in this life unless they can make peace with their parents and siblings. It is a very difficult task to do after leaving the LDS church. It can sometimes involve undoing decades of abuse. Walking away is not always the best option. Discovering an adult relationship that is not emotionally charged is the best way to fix things. Responding rather than reacting to their words is good advice.

I have four brothers that want nothing to do with me. I have reached out to three of them with an olive branch. There are no takers! I will keep trying. Forgiveness towards them is the right thing to do. If I gain four brothers back in the process, what would I lose in trying?

I had one TBM brother tell me that he knows what I am doing but the sin will be on his shoulders! He will be the one to carry the burden of rejecting my peace offering. Six months after he dismissed me, his wife left him.

My other dentist brother I did the same with. Called him up and left a voicemail. No response. Two months later his wife left him.

My two single brothers now live together! Misery loves company I guess.

LOL!!!!

My parents have been dead for 10+ years. I had no contact with either of them for the last 4-5 years of their lives. Them being TBM’s had NOTHING to do with my feelings towards them. Them being assholes and their actions as such had EVERYTHING to do with it.

Similar to leaving the church, leaving toxic relationships can be a beautiful, freeing experience. Once I realized that “being blood” didn’t give someone a “pass” to treat others badly, and that life was too short to invest time in toxic relationships, MY life got a whole lot better.

You have to be “all in” though. You can’t be a fence-rider. You can’t have an attitude of, “I’m through with my family”, but then run to their side or deathbed when tough times come. When you reflect back, that will only lead you to feelings of guilt and regret for the time spent apart. I’m not saying don’t consider their overtures should they wish to reconcile. But there should be a HUGE thought process involved where you weigh out if that relationship would continue on YOUR terms and if it is worth it (or if it really IS a relationship) if you have to walk on eggshells to maintain it.

In the end both of my parents tried to patch things up with me. By the time they did though, I was through with them and had no interest. When I received a phone call that my mother was within hours of death I happened to be playing in a golf tournament. I was between shots and when I hung up the phone my golf partner asked if everything was O.K. I said, “Yeah. That call was to tell me that my mother was going to pass away in a couple hours." I was unfazed and my next words were, "What would you say the distance to the hole is…around 160 yards?”.

If my parents would have asked me if they were “going to see me on the other side of the veil”, my response would have been, “I don’t want to see you on THIS side of the veil. What the HELL makes you think I’ll want to see you in the eternities?” LOL!!!!!! AND, if per chance the TBM’s are right, if they do approach me “on the other side of the veil” they will be greeted by my middle finger and healthy FUCK YOU!! LOL!!!!!

Yeah, my mother and father, both tbm, were very, very controlling. My father was a bishop for 5 years growing up. He tried to control who I was going to marry and every other part of my life, but it didn't work-still single.

In order to leave the church, the only way to do it was to also leave my parents and siblings. There was no way I would have been able to leave the church without distancing myself from my parents and other siblings. Not only was my father a controlling ja, but he would speak to my bishops and it was horrible.

We were distantly related to one of the last presidents of the church, and they are still neck deep in it. It's all made up. Complete cult.

I've tried talking to my siblings, but they're very, very difficult, and can't see through the mormon bs.

Piling on guilt isn't a way of attracting a daughter's love and appreciation.

"not if I see you first!"