When my parents are gone, he’s playing violent video games, watching R rated movies, going out for “church activities” and clearly lying about where he really goes, etc, but as soon as my parents are around, he’s so spiritual and amazing. Today, our family got into a disagreement and he sat there lecturing me about church doctrine.

I don’t care if he does the “rebellious” stuff, but I wish he wasn’t such a COWARD. My mom is always saying how I’m so unspiritual and why can’t I be like my amazing brother?

He literally told me he and his companions would SNEAK OFF AND GO TO THE MOVIES nearly every week on his mission.

I just hate the two-face personality.

I would be tempted to ask something along the lines of "why are you such a lying two-faced sack of sh!t?"

If he is being a LTFSOS in front of parents, then ask the question in front of parents. Might lead to the first honest discussion your family has had in years. My suggestion is not very diplomatic, and fireworks are likely to ensue, but it would probably change the status quo, and the present status quo sucks.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I would be tempted to ask something along the
> lines of "why are you such a lying two-faced sack
> of sh!t?"
>
> If he is being a LTFSOS in front of parents, then
> ask the question in front of parents. Might lead
> to the first honest discussion your family has had
> in years. My suggestion is not very diplomatic,
> and fireworks are likely to ensue, but it would
> probably change the status quo, and the present
> status quo sucks.

Brother of Jerry, I totally agree with and condone using your way of handling this RM. lolol. That guy needs and deserves to be called out big time. Is his name Eddie Haskell or what?

Why is it cowardice to avoid a fight?

I'm sure he knows what your parents expect of him and it's easier to pretend than defend his mormon-abberrant behavior.

And obviously his behavior has been consistent, in that he was hiding his 'real' life from his MP.

Hopefully he'll declare himself to the mormon world when he doesn't need them.

It's like when you hate your job; you don't flaunt that in your boss's face until you have s new job.

Because he’s lying to everyone, then pretending to be spiritual to be mean and condescending to me and other less faithful people. If I was hiding my behavior, I’m not going to be a jerk to people to give the illusion of spiritual righteousness. It’s two-faced and ridiculous.

what do you see as his game plan? Are your parents rich and is he playing a role so as to keep an inheritance? Or is he just currently dependent on them and thus wanting to keep them in the dark regarding his true identity?

Also, while you're pissed off, you do know the real truth about him, but if you're posting on a exmo board, there may be some things you are keeping from your parents.

I don't have any skin in the game, so while I can throw out comments and advice, I forget about it all within ten seconds of hitting 'post message.'

But whatever, tell us what you want the final outcome to be...

It does sound annoying. I would respond to your mom in a very mildly sarcastic manner -- "You're right mom. He is soooooo amazing." Give her a baleful look when you do so and she will figure it out soon enough.

...That's if she doesn't already know how "amazing" he is and is trying to hide the fact that she knows from everyone else in the family.

You'll meet plenty of these in the church... and guess what... plenty outside too. Particularly in the workplace.

Everyone is a hypocrite on some level. Being puritsnical with it is the problem.

I live a bit of a dual life myself. I'm active but I have friends outside the church and I do behave a bit differently with them to be frank.

Some Name Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You'll meet plenty of these in the church...

It looks like he has developed the skills necessary to be a happy -- or at least functioning -- non-believing Corridor Mormon.

Tell your brother from now on he needs to have your back if he wants you to have his---as in keeping his precious Mormon facade in place as Mormons all do.

I must say I would be very tempted if I were you to follow Brother Jerry's advice if things don't go better once you make it clear that there is to be no more lecturing about church doctrine.

However, always play your cards carefully while you are still in your parents home. There is plenty of time for full frontal honesty later.

Sometime when you can have a private word with him, just say, "Knock it off with the self-righteous stuff when you're dealing with me in front of our parents. I know who you really are; that behavior really makes it look like a horrible hypocrite from my point of view. It is one of the ugliest parts of the whole Mormon self-righteous schtick, especially in RMs like you. Knock it off or I will call you out on it."

That sounds really annoying and I'd be tempted to call him out on his shit. Good luck!

Perhaps that's how he survived the mission and he can't give it up now that he's home.

It's very disturbing when Good and Faithful family and friends turn on you when you share opinions not supported by the correlation department.

For years, I cultivated a dual personality. My private personality, I realized, was not an appropriate Mormon Personality. My external personality was harder to maintain because it was the lie. Lying is really hard work. I had to maintain a TR to keep up with the Jones.

I never did anything socially offensive, just minor stuff, like coffee, beer, 'R' rated movies etc.

Now I don't have hide. Love life now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/26/2018 07:10PM by cognitivedissonance.

In Mormonism, avoiding the very appearance of evil is MUCH more
important than avoiding evil.

Guess what? Most of the people in your ward are just like this (to varying degrees). I was the ward clerk before leaving, and had to call people during the week to give them their sacrament meeting assignments. At church they were the most polite and friendly people, but during the week almost no one would take my call or respond to voice messages or email.
You get to see the real person when they are away from others. You will see this alot on your mission... and in your life of service to the church. Enjoy!