I know there are people out there that can push decades of hell to the side and live a normal and 'happy' life as if it never happened but i am definitely not one of those people. The badass wants justice. Without violence of course i have matured i think in this area. Maybe a public apology on live television to all the abuse victims that are still alive is a good start. And then admitting the lie as second. And then give restitution to all the recovering victims to pay for their entire recovery from mormonism and trauma. This is what i want. There has to be a balance for the sh#t they put us through. I can't just try and live a life and ignore this sh#t they are still trying to pull on other young adams out there.

I think that is healthy. Sometimes the forced, 'letting go' is simply what is called a 'spiritual bypass'. Nothing really changes on the inside.

Part of the healing from a cult is being honest with ourselves. We were lied to so much. And in turn, lied to ourselves about ourselves.

I haven't done a lot of this because I do not feel I am stable enough to be a 'help' to anyone but I see people feeling better when they help others to information or I guess, 'get out'. I think it helps to avoid the tendency toward revenge (I have that) and apply energy toward enlightenment and freedom for all.

But sometimes, it is enough to say to ourselves/God/Universe/Nature, 'I am still so angry!!! This was so unfair!' and let that go out, if you will. The sky can receive it, imo. It is big enough.

I also like, 'what is this trying to teach me in my life?' But I am not always there yet.

From your posts here, badassadam, I see growth and progression. Fwiw. :-)

Sometimes i feel like i am the odd one that wants some kind of revenge. Society frowns upon it but they don't frown upon the actions of a religion or a cult enough to put a stop to it. But the individual getting some kind of payback, that is just crazy talk. There is nothing i could do to that 'religion' that is worse than what i have gone through i think. Could i take the operation down with my knowledge and spreading truth with others? maybe. But i would need to be healthier minded for sure. Not sure what fwiw means.

And you are right it does feel like people want to force me to just bypass it all in my mind. I just can't do it, it was too unjust and it was all under God's supervision which made it all the worse. There better not be a god is all i will say.

I know he is controversial and perhaps off the rails, but have you watched Heart of the Matter with Shawn McCraney? He is getting justice in this own way, imo.

He calls out the lies, he takes on callers (lots of these shows are from 5 years back but still). He felt ripped off and also mourned how much he loved being a Mormon as compared with his choice to be a follower of Christ.

I think we all hit the ground hard when we start to wake up that it was an illusion/lie. I know I did. I am still a bit of a mess and I wasn't even born into it. I chose it and led my children into it. I have my own guilt and whatnot from choosing as an adult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/05/2018 11:42AM by carameldreams.

I watch Shawn McCraney all the time and sir david the bard as part of my therapy. I am still kind of a mess also but i used to be waaaay worse imo and i need to remember that. I can definitely relate to those two guys.

were you raised by nice people/ or was there one nice kind nurturing person in your family life growing up Adam?

I wAs raised by vengeful people (it was a part member family)
the non lds were vengeful, retaliatory, protectors of home & business & property, calm and calculated planners of vengeance, they were not idealizers of um "inner peace" "kumbya"
so, I apparently developed a defense mechanism craving peace while developing independence from this part of the family, and idealized their opposite, a fantasy of seemingly impossible attainment, a life of love and beauty.

one where one notices beauty at least amidst life's tragedy. like Shakespeare? some of the scenes? anyways, back to you, what do you think generates this cognitive operating system , this defense mechanism. Is not it enough for you to be free and clear from the system? Is your freedom and comfort and skill set and joy in it not enough success that the l d s system does not stigmatize you nor stunt you & your growth, your hopes, your undominatable irrepressible inherent expressiveness in your quest through life

There may be social justice groups you might enjoy very much if your quest is focused on improving social justice now, political groups, quasi religious groups, even groups for shared housing or types of housing developments or implementing solar energy in green housing- some place to focus making more social justice.

oh and about personality, you could just make a new one. or a new part , of one. adaptability flexibility in the face of trauma while distancing from dangers does make less suffering Adam. might you consider distancing from life's dangers or irritants, and/or making another part to cope if you must stay near them?

paintingnotloggedon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> were you raised by nice people/ or was there one
> nice kind nurturing person in your family life
> growing up Adam?
>
> I wAs raised by vengeful people (it was a part
> member family)
> the non lds were vengeful, retaliatory, protectors
> of home & business & property, calm and calculated
> planners of vengeance, they were not idealizers of
> um "inner peace" "kumbya"
> so, I apparently developed a defense mechanism
> craving peace while developing independence from
> this part of the family, and idealized their
> opposite, a fantasy of seemingly impossible
> attainment, a life of love and beauty.
>
> one where one notices beauty at least amidst
> life's tragedy. like Shakespeare? some of the
> scenes? anyways, back to you, what do you think
> generates this cognitive operating system , this
> defense mechanism. Is not it enough for you to be
> free and clear from the system? Is your freedom
> and comfort and skill set and joy in it not enough
> success that the l d s system does not stigmatize
> you nor stunt you & your growth, your hopes, your
> undominatable irrepressible inherent
> expressiveness in your quest through life
>
> There may be social justice groups you might enjoy
> very much if your quest is focused on improving
> social justice now, political groups, quasi
> religious groups, even groups for shared housing
> or types of housing developments or implementing
> solar energy in green housing- some place to focus
> making more social justice.
>
> oh and about personality, you could just make a
> new one. or a new part , of one. adaptability
> flexibility in the face of trauma while distancing
> from dangers does make less suffering Adam. might
> you consider distancing from life's dangers or
> irritants, and/or making another part to cope if
> you must stay near them?

I wasn't raised by anyone but i did have the most controlling, angry, and narcissistic father you could ever imagine. I am still trying to get away from that guy to this day.

I made a constant effort to never be home growing up.

It's better to get them out in the open and process them, then let them fade in good time.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's better to get them out in the open and
> process them, then let them fade in good time.

Yes it is better to talk about it in the open to somebody somewhere. Even if what you went through was humiliating as sh#t. Can't let it eat away at you from the inside.

I like what Martha Beck reportedly did with her anger. She is the daughter of Hugh Nibley and claimed her father molested her in very Abrahamic, altar-themed scenarios.

For the volatile feelings of anger, she chopped the wood. For the letting go of the anger, she watched its smoke float away as she burned it.

I personally find it very fitting when I feel hotly justice-seeking, to strike something downwards as though killing prey with a club. I can generally do it just by dribbling a big yoga ball with all my might.

Testiphony (can’t login) Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I like what Martha Beck reportedly did with her
> anger. She is the daughter of Hugh Nibley and
> claimed her father molested her in very Abrahamic,
> altar-themed scenarios.
>
> For the volatile feelings of anger, she chopped
> the wood. For the letting go of the anger, she
> watched its smoke float away as she burned it.
>
> I personally find it very fitting when I feel
> hotly justice-seeking, to strike something
> downwards as though killing prey with a club. I
> can generally do it just by dribbling a big yoga
> ball with all my might.

This may sound bad but i have found shooting things on a video game as pretty therapuetic for my anger.