It is fucking tough. The bard was right from the beginning. I fix one thing then there's another thing. It goes on and on. Damn that religion for forcing me to take on so much shit without getting help. It's all a test, fuck you and your test lie.

Yes, it is.

But the end result is worth it! :)

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
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> Yes, it is.
>
> But the end result is worth it! :)

I think you are right. I was laughing a lot more in my therapy sessions. I think the real personality is coming through a little bit.

That may be the best news I've ever heard from you!
I'm totally serious!

Laugh more. Laugh at the mormons. Laugh at yourself. It's all great :)

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That may be the best news I've ever heard from
> you!
> I'm totally serious!
>
> Laugh more. Laugh at the mormons. Laugh at
> yourself. It's all great :)

I have never laughed so much in a very long time. And it was real laughing this time. The old self was coming through. Religion is a joke to me because even the lead god or whatever could not heal me instantly like he does in the bible. That's funny to me. All their bullsh#t goes out the window with my life experiences.

Even without religion weighing in on the process it's tough as I'm finding out.

You had to start from scratch.

You've looked at all the scattered rubble of who you used to be, but you don't need any of that.

Imagine yourself as an empty apartment. If you find a painting you like, grab it and hang it up on the wall! Maybe others will show up to complement it!

Maybe you can find an old, braided oval-shaped rag rug from DI. Get it thoroughly cleaned. It may pick up tones from the new art on the walls.

Bit by bit. Only if it gives YOU pleasure, or says something special to your heart. Make your new nest into a place that is unmistakably YOURS. I did that, over a period of well over a year, after being dumped by my adulterous ex.

My son (about 12 at the time) had not been allowed to visit me for more than 6 months (because he knew I did not have the money to go back to court.) was amazed at our new home, the up-beat changes in his room, the new wall-paper I had put on the bedroom walls, the secondhand bike I had refinished until it was the envy of the 'hood. He was delighted. We were only together for a week at Christmas Break, but we had a memorable time.

Step by step. It works.

catnip Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You had to start from scratch.
>
> You've looked at all the scattered rubble of who
> you used to be, but you don't need any of that.
>
> Imagine yourself as an empty apartment. If you
> find a painting you like, grab it and hang it up
> on the wall! Maybe others will show up to
> complement it!
>
> Maybe you can find an old, braided oval-shaped rag
> rug from DI. Get it thoroughly cleaned. It may
> pick up tones from the new art on the walls.
>
> Bit by bit. Only if it gives YOU pleasure, or says
> something special to your heart. Make your new
> nest into a place that is unmistakably YOURS. I
> did that, over a period of well over a year, after
> being dumped by my adulterous ex.
>
> My son (about 12 at the time) had not been allowed
> to visit me for more than 6 months (because he
> knew I did not have the money to go back to
> court.) was amazed at our new home, the up-beat
> changes in his room, the new wall-paper I had put
> on the bedroom walls, the secondhand bike I had
> refinished until it was the envy of the 'hood. He
> was delighted. We were only together for a week at
> Christmas Break, but we had a memorable time.
>
> Step by step. It works.

I did have to start from scratch. Like a kid that escaped a cult compound without any supports in place but just knew he had to get out to save his life and his mind.

And, it ain’t for wimps! The Badass ain’t no wimp, he’s Badass!

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> And, it ain’t for wimps! The Badass ain’t no
> wimp, he’s Badass!

Hoooly sh#t you're back. Thought about what you been up to today, i was like the boner was serious when he said he wanted to do other things besides post. I still got a ways to go still i think. After my neck surgery i noticed a problem with my throat, i will figure out what to do when i see the doc next week. I am a god d@mn soldier boner i can't just give up and let mormons pretend like they cared at my funeral and piss on my tombstone. F#ck that noise. I am still going to marry my trauma counselor though hahaha she just turned thirty and left the church when she was 15 years old. I think she gets what that cult did to me pretty d@mn well. Good to see you boner. You helped stay with me through some pretty deep trenches. I feel i will get out of the cesspool from hell before too long.

And i made my resignation official right after my neck surgery. Like cutting off a d@mn parasite that never lets go.

I still want to crash some mormon temple sealings with you and old dog one of these days haha with fake recommends.

Bro, I said I was going on vacation and would check in. The folks here (that includes you, wanker) are wonderful. Sometimes, even Boners need to relax!

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bro, I said I was going on vacation and would
> check in. The folks here (that includes you,
> wanker) are wonderful. Sometimes, even Boners need
> to relax!

I think i need a fucking vacation. This recovery shit is harder than a full time job hahaha i am being serious.

I was asked once what going through a faith transition was like. I said it was a horrible relief.

TommyBoy Wrote:
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> I was asked once what going through a faith
> transition was like. I said it was a horrible
> relief.

It's definitely a combo of good and bad. My mind still doesn't feel completely free from all the bullsh#t. But i am pretty sure my mind is healthier than it was.

Life is like that too. It isn't a cake walk. Some may have it down to an art better than others.

But life is tough. That's why attitude helps if possible when "re-inventing" yourself.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude helps.

Love this song by my cuzzin, Olivia, called "Grace and Gratitude:"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHMmREOFAsc