I was raised in a strict (near fundamentalist) TBM family, attended church faithfully every Sunday, and followed all the rules. After I moved out of the house to go to college, I stopped attending and then resigned from the LDS church several years later. I still suffer anxiety related to feeling “Mormon guilt” about pretty much everything. It makes living painful. I’ve read about scrupulosity and it sounds similar, but not quite the same. These aren’t fears about committing a sin, but rather not doing the “right” thing.

Does anyone have similar experiences to share?

For years after I left I was in a transitory state where the mormon taboos were still things I avoided. I think it was 4 or 5 years or so before I had my first alcoholic drink, for example. It took time for my feelings to catch up with my mind.

Yes. Left years back but it persisted. Subsequently became a neuroscientist in part to "fix me."

Fear/guilt is the tool of control, because it is so effective: we control ourselves. But being exposed to it for years - especially during the interval of intensive brain development - it changes the way the brain operates. Specifically the areas of the brain in the forward/prefrontal and temporal lobes of the brain that have to do with self-monitoring, threat monitoring, and self-correction - become overactive. It is in some ways similar to post-traumatic-stress-disorder.

Once those parts of the brain "cool down" to normal, life is much easier. Even blood pressure and pulse go to normal. It is sometimes useful to normalize the brain with therapy and/or judicious application of medicinals be these supplements or professional. Not permanent: analogous to applying a cast to align bones in a fracture. Once healed, the cast comes off. Excersize, yoga help. Meditation may help if the brain can first be decelerated. Getting out in nature helps.

Suggest research serotonin (increase this) dopamine and norepinephrine (don't do anything that boosts these, e.g. no caffeine, theophylline, theobromine, watch sugar crashes & fasting). Hope this helpful.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2018 04:33PM by zenjamin.

I'm still religiously conservative. I just switched religions to one where I can be myself and live more autonomously.

As a Mormon you don't own your thoughts, your actions, how you dress, eat, or your time. That was too much regimen. It controls its members lock, stock and barrel.

I still dress modestly, practice many of the same rules about my diet and my lifestyle. Not because I do it out of fear of retribution but because it makes me feel more in alignment with my higher power. I sowed my oats as a teenager, and have no desire to return to that kind of a lifestyle that left me with a spiritual void. I went back to the LDS church when I was 19 to leave that lifestyle behind.

No way do I see myself returning to that. I was given another chance. My prayers were answered when I was agnostic as to whether there is a God or not. Mormonism was my "frame of reference" at 19. It no longer is. There are other religions out there that come closer to meeting my needs as someone who needs to connect with my higher power through prayer and worship. Mormonism is not the answer - it drove me away in fact from the sheer hypocrisy and lies it cultivates. Mormonism left me with a spiritual vacuum. That let me know there was something radically missing with it as a church, because it wasn't feeding or nurturing me spiritually. It left me feeling empty inside instead.

My values and principles still align with those I had as a Mormon. But now my religion does too. Mormonism doesn't hold a candle to that.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2018 04:09PM by Amyjo.

It took many, many years to get rid of the guilt. Every so often I'll feel guilty for something and I can't think where it's coming from until the light bulb in my brain comes on.

Wish I had advice. Time away was the only thing that helped me. That and challenging my thoughts, realizing that most of them were wrong and influenced by the morg. Once I started talking myself into a new way of thinking, the guilt eased more and more over time.

The Mormon "Gestapo" never stops period.

Yes i have been feeling guilt but i have to remind myself that rituals are not the right thing.

I felt guilt over masturbation...but I got over it. Nothing else.

I have that kind of guilt, afraid of not doing the right thing. But I am a nevermo, a recent Christian but have had this issue my whole life. I beat myself up for it, and I feel I hardly ever do the "right" thing. If I don't do something "good" or what I feel is good I feel very guilty and become overly critical of myself almost to the point of obsession and/or depression.

Yes...kind of. I left Mormonism 20 years ago, but any Mormon guilt I have is channeled through my parents. I was so heavily brainwashed as a child. One of the rules was to do nothing on Sunday but go to church. Even going to the store was considered bad/sinful/evil. I have no problem doing whatever I want on Sunday, but I usually hesitate to tell my parents that we went out to dinner or did anything other than stay home. I'm starting to let it go and if they don't like it....oh well. Their problem, not mine. I also feel weird wearing sleeveless shirts in the presence of my prents because of the whole shoulder porn nonsense that they drilled into my head. I also can't bring myself to drink coffee in front of them. I did, however drink wine in front of them once. At a family dinner with some nevermo relatives I was offered wine. I politely accepted. My TBM parents were appalled and fuming. I was almost 30 at the time, and I have a nevermo spouse. The Mormon guilt is real and palpable, but only in thr presence of those who indoctrinated me. Disturbing if you ask me.

Been thinking about this since you first posted. Bothered me. Hate the thought that all these decades later that some of my personality is still smeared with Mormonism even if to a small degree.

I notice I am much harder on myself than anyone I know. I judge myself because I want to be the first one to do it. It's a defense against being judged by others perhaps. I have a need to have others know that I see my own flaws and there is no need to point them out or take measures against me.

I do believe the extreme Mormonism I was subjected to gave me a false sense of right and wrong. I believe the judgmentalism, the holding myself up to impossible perfection all the years of my youth, left me unable to be kind to myself.

I dread when I wake up at 3 AM and the cash register of my brain starts charging me again for debts I have already paid--as they say.

Thank you so much for your replies! It has been several years since I left the church, but I think the way of viewing things was so ingrained through my childhood experiences that it is embedded in my brain. I have looked into cognitive behavioral therapy, but it actually seemed to make things worse. I’m not sure if that’s because any kind of change is difficult or because a part of me still believes the Mormon view. It’s like an inbuilt GPS system that lies so deeply buried that I can’t remove or modify it. As I get older, I feel the anxiety increasing and the right/wrong way of thinking so embedded in my way of thinking, and I doubt it’s possible to remove it, or at least not easily.

Living outside Utah for so long has made me realize that almost no one can understand what it was like to grow up in that culture. It is so unique that it’s difficult for anyone to relate to. Sometimes, like right now, I get wistful and want something familiar in my life. I realize logically that there is a reason I left Mormonism, but there's a part of me that wants things to be simple and to have people who understand the familiar touchstones and phrases so that I don’t have to explain, e.g., garments, Telestial Kingdom, etc.

In some ways, I wish that I could rejoin the Mormon church and have everything be “normal” again. I would like a feeling of belonging to a tribe because life is really lonely and there are a lot of challenges out there. Like other commenters have stated, my lifestyle isn’t any different from when I was an active member. I left the church because I didn’t believe in the doctrine, not because of any lifestyle conflicts. I actually feel nostalgic for the time I spent growing up in a tiny Utah town. At the time, it felt confining and I couldn’t wait to leave, but now that I’m older, I long for a sense of security, peace, meaning, and belonging.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Only when I am not alone or with somebody