I've been thinking a lot lately about having my name removed. I know it's rather simple to do and there are instructions on this site. I left tssc 20 years ago, but just assumed the 'inactive' status. I'm tired of the missionaries seeking me out, no matter what I say to them. They came by again the other day. I wasn't home. Nevermo hubby told them I left that religion....they played dumb about everything. They acted like they were just in the neighborhood, but hubs said they were slowly driving by a few times and then parked way down the street and walked over! Liars! So it seems the only way for this to stop is to get my name off the records. And I'm sick of being the ward reactivation project.

Here's why I've been hesitant:

I live in the same ward boundaries as my super TBM parents and sister. My dad is the ward clerk. Mother is in the RS presidency. I'm just afraid of how they will find out and what the backlash will be. So what does happen? Do they stop printing your name on the local attendance records?? I know it's going to become huge gossip and my only fear is character assassination. I believe that's the only thing they have over me...which is pretty huge. I know my parents are going to lose their minds and go ape shit on me (I'm 38, btw and they don't respect me as an autonomous adult) and say that I'm a huge embarrassment to them and sling the guilt at me, blah, blah. One of my brothers had his name removed several years ago, but he lives in a different state and the males in my family are always treated better and with more respect than the females. So I don't think shit hit the fan when he did it.

If my name isn't on local records then potentially the mishies will stop seeking me out and badgering me? Is this a safe assumption? I don't want to be associated with being Mormon whatsoever.

It could be that your parents are having the missionaries sent to you.

Beyond that, I don't know what happens with resignation, but I would think your name is removed from the ward records.

Do you risk character assassination? Yep. Target of gossip? Yep.

You have to decide what you are willing to live with.

You could always give a forwarding to your folks. A sort of "Mom, Dad, I'm officially resigning from the LDS church. I don't believe in it and haven't for years and I am tired of the missionaries coming to my door. They won't listen to me when I tell them to stop. I wanted to tell you personally rather than being the subject of gossip and back-biting"

Etc., or whatever works for you.

I know that my parents are behind it. They always are and they always lie. That's why I'm wondering about my dad being the ward clerk and if he's responsible for doing anything with a resignation....such as deleting a name off the attendance sheets? He had my name read into Sacrament meeting after I moved to the area (without my knowledge) and that put me on everyone's radar. The mo's in this area might not have known otherwise.

I think you can count on your dad finding out about it.

The price of staying a member, and not reaping any wrath from your parents, is having to deal with the continual reactivation pushes, from members and missionaries.

But you could, as a sort of stop gap, have your husband write a letter to the bishop DEMANDING that visits to HIS house by members of the church, for the purpose of contacting you, cease and desist. It seems mormons understand that men can have a say, and of course they view him as the sole head of the household.

Write the letter, keep copies to hand out when visitors show up, and life should sort itself out! Of course this is just a suggestion. We're all different. I refuse to resign so as to forestall my TBM child from having me dead dunked...

I like this idea. And I fully understand your reason for not resigning. I have one brother who has resigned. I recently heard through my siblings that it is now written into my parents will to have that brother dead-dunked by Mormon relatives after he dies. He has no idea either. These people that I call my parents and relentless.

Your resignation is forwarded from Member Records to the ward's bishop where you live. He processes it. So I imagine word will spread quickly. The bishop may try to call you or (more likely) come to see you. I think it's safe to say that you will likely be the butt of gossip and character assassination. So you will need to take that into account.

If you decide to resign, I would notify your parents first using the words that Angela suggested. You might also consider handing your resignation directly to the bishop, asking that your privacy be respected to the greatest extent possible (with a copy mailed immediately to Member Records.)

If your parents make a fuss, I would just tell them that your decision is not about them.

Your time is yours. And it is valuable.

What would happen if you cordially, civilly, but uncompromisingly and absolutely refused to cede a minute of time to them? I mean - when you've explained once and they ignore you and try to hold you hostage - you inform them point-blank matter-of-factly they are being rude, turn, and walk away? See it as it is: they are being rude with their insistence, their complete total disregard for your expressed wishes, and have earned in-kind treatment. Without apology.

How would it be if your self-opinion and respect for your own time was to be such that their opinions good or poor mattered not at all? Because you respect the opinions only of those who have earned your respect?

What would happen if the mishies and others knew that you are a thinking person, have seen the "little man behind the curtain," and also form opinions about them - particularly when these don't honor your decisions? Might it be the case self-important self-righteous do-gooders are actually trying to make themselves feel good about themselves and their rather sorry lives, and have absolutely zero interest in you? That these are actually being selfish? That would deflate them immediately - because it is true.

Your time is yours. No one has a right to it. If you choose to provide another with the gift of your time, that gift honors them.

Depends on your family dynamics and where you live.

IN ~ b 4 Opie loses her eternal salvation™ ~

Magic underwear no longer stops bullets.

You can tell him you're serious and say he should complete the paperwork, goodbye, and hang up or close the door.

Then you wait a few weeks to receive a letter. It might say, "It's a local matter."

You wait a little more for the final letter and you celebrate.

Hey, if you've been out 20 years, how will it be anyone's business if you have your name removed via Salt Lake City? You don't tell them, it isn't anyone's business but yours.

I wouldn't even tell your parents if they're so petty and small minded.

You're already free from TSCC. Do you work with these people? Because unless you know them and constantly run into them, what does it matter? You don't go there. You don't really know them anymore, and vice verse.

Don't worry about the "what ifs," when it's your life and decision to make. You do what's right for you, and hold your head high. You don't owe anyone an explanation. And chances are very good they don't really care anyway. It WILL get them off your back with those house calls.

Just in case, place a no soliciting sign on your door that includes religious proselytizers. They'll get the hint soon enough.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2018 05:47AM by Amyjo.

Wait until your resignation is final and then tell your parents. If they attack you verbally, tell them you're going to resign from the family too, if they keep it up. Be prepared to follow through. If they don't respect you, they don't respect you. You'll be better off without them. When I left the church, I was ready to write-off anyone who didn't respect me. It didn't matter who they were.

Since your Father is the ward clerk he will definitely know about it almost as soon as the bishop.

He may even be the one to send (or not) the paperwork into the church.

I am not sure what appears on the annual record review. I've heard it lists names and status of children. It is handed out during tithing settlement.

Good luck

My friend had a friend wh resigned with her 2 other siblings while her nother was the RS president.

It's not the same for everyone. But it is more on how you react to your TBM family and friends. Thats where u have 100 percent control. Thank goodness your husband is a nevermo.

I had the same fears but sh#t never quite hit the fan like i thought it would. At least not yet.

My parents are assholes who hide behind religion. Shit hit the fan bad when I first moved out (20 years ago) and left tssc. They kept sending missionaries and bishopric people to my house all the time. My mother signed me up for an Ensign subscription. I got bombarded with letters from visiting teachers in my new neighborhood. My wrathful mother would leave nasty messages on my answering machine. They tried to turn all of my siblings against me. I think they were trying to intimidate me back into submission. They were relentless. I probably have some leverage now that I have children. I don't want to use my children as pawns in a chess match, though.

I guess knowing how ugly it got in the past, I am fearful of what they will do this time. They made my life a living hell. I wish I could move out of state. Close proximity to them is really not good for me.

All these things are still happening to me, and I've been out for 10 years. My mom is exceptionally dedicated.

I used an attorney to resign, but the church never responded. They've since sent another resignation letter, but it's been over a month and I still haven't heard anything.

When I resigned I sent my pprwork directly to SLC. When they tried giving me a song and dance about the local lay leadership contacting me I called SLC by phone with explicit directions I wanted nothing further to do with them, and why.

They have left me alone since.

Moral
Ethical
Monetary
Personal

F R E E D O M ! ! ! ! !

Ask for confidentiality.

IF tscc (anyone in an official capacity) violates that, SUE THEM!

Yes, all those GOOD things will happen if you resign. My children and I were suddenly happier, but in our case, we were victims of Mormon abuse. Not only were we harassed and maligned as we left, but before we left, the priesthood leaders beat up my sons in our own house, and the bishop's son tried to molest my little girl at a church camp-out.

Resigning was the only way we could achieve "justice." With us, nothing would do but make a complete break with that evil cult.

In your case, you might want to weigh the consequences, whether they are fair or not. Would "character assassination" effect your job? I can guarantee that this will happen, along with gossip, and flat-out lies spread about you and your family. Figure out how vulnerable you are. In my case, the people I work with are all non-Mormons, and my career can not be hurt by stupid gossip. My children have close non-Mormon friends--lifetime friends--who would never believe Mormon gossip, anyway. Most of our neighbors have been hurt by these nasty Mormon ward members, also.

When we lived in the same ward as my fanatic TBM in-laws, my ex-husband went "inactive", and the children and I still went to church. My mother-in-law called me almost daily to argue and blame ME for my husband's inactivity. The in-laws ended up disinheriting us, anyway. It was not worth my suffering her wrath and hatred. It would have been healthier for all of us, if we had just stood up for our convictions and openly resigned.

Everyone's situation is different, and I can't predict exactly what your particular parents will do.

We all know that your family will know--the whole ward will know--immediately. The good news is that our resigning FORMALLY, doing it the way the church dictates, stopped 80% of the harassing.

Remember that the MOrmons have no authority over you! They have no authority with God, either. You don't have to jump through their hoops. You can just stop going to church. You are free to do this! Why make waves, just to follow even more Mormon rules? Resigning will give them one more shot at you! You do NOT HAVE TO meet with the bishop or anyone else. Just say, "I'm no longer a member, and you can't tell me what to do, anymore."

You are officially resigned the second the church receives your letter. This is why we sent our letter by "registered return-receipt mail. The date and time on the receipt is the date and time we were set free.

You might want to resign to protect your children! You can include their names on your letter of resignation, which is what I did with my children. They actualy cried, when I told them they didn't have to go to church anymore--they hated it that much! (They loved school, BYW, and were good students.) They never did buy into the JS story.

IMO, your children will have a better life, without having their Mormon grandparents and other Mormons pushing them into baptism and missions, etc. I felt that the resignation was a gift to my children.

How can people expect children to stand up to an evil, conniving, brainwashing cult, when even the parents can't cope with it? My advice would be to set your children free, and you, as adult parents, deal with whatever fallout comes your way. Protect your children!

Stories like yours break my heart and make me angry!

Fortunately I haven't been to church in 20 years, never paid tithing as an adult, never went through the temple, I have a nevermo hubby, and none of our children are 'Mormon blessed or baptized'. It's me they're after.

Unfortunately I live in a small community and I do believe character assassintion would definitely affect my career and things I volunteer for in the community (I'm on the PTA board at my children's school). So that is my only dilemma...if I lived even in another zip code I would resign in a heartbeat!

Isn't 'Do Not Contact' still a thing? I remember that being a notation next to certain names on the roll sheets when I still went to church. Maybe I could give an ultimatum surrounding that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2018 01:18AM by bluebutterfly.

I agree with others that what works for one may not for another. My wife and I have been inactive for about 25 years and have never had our names removed from the church. We moved a few years ago to a retirement community and our records caught up with us and we started having contact from visiting teachers, missionaries and others.

I wrote the bishop a polite but firmly worded letter that we wished no further contact with the church. They have honored that request. Seemed easier than name removal for us.