--A FATHER'S LETTER

A well-intentioned letter which my now-deceased father sent to me in March of 1980 (the complete contents of which I share here), ironically enough, played an important role in pushing me toward my determined, defiant, public and eventual break from Mormonism.

Before proceeding, I want to say here how much I loved my father. In his basic make-up, he was a good, quiet, serene, decent, kind and gentle man. Sadly, as is with the case of otherwise genuinely sincere people, the Mormon Church blinded him in many important respects and negatively affected many of his personal attitudes.

In the final years of his life, we became particularly and memorably close. I would talk with him and Mom on the phone and when I traveled to Salt Lake City where they lived, would often stay at their home, where I would visit (especially with Dad) until the late hours in his office or in their small family room off the kitchen where he would sit in his favorite chair.

Dad and I discussed many things during our visits (sometimes quite passionately), among them politics and the Mormon Church. We didn't agree with each other on either one. One evening, my father bore me his Mormon-Church testimony in a very sincere, earnest and personal way. I listened respectfully to his heart-felt expression of love and concern which he conveyed with deep emotion. When he finished, we embraced and I thanked him for sharing his feelings with me. I did so while also softly and carefully reminding him that I would not be rejoining the Mormon Church.

Dad also wrote me many letters over the years, in which he would sometimes bear me his testimony. Again, I was respectful as I advised him that I had chosen my own and different path, which no longer included belief, or membership in, the Mormon Church. He accepted my choices graciously, although I knew how much it pained and saddened him.

No doubt, my father wrote his letter to me on organic evolution out of that same sense of genuine love and concern. In doing so, he had what he felt were my best interests in mind. Unfortunately, he sought to accomplish his goal of controlling the outcome of my evolution research efforts through the use of scripture-based strong-arm tactics.

These tactics included invoking LDS canon that:

--demanded unswerving obedience to Mormon Church authority;

--attacked scientific inquiry and the motives of scientists;

--questioned the character of intellectuals;

--warned against the loss of personal testimony; and

--and dangled the specter of eternal condemnation for failure to follow the dictates of Mormonism.

Like I said, I loved my father despite out profound differences, yet I found the letter to be so judgmental, scientifically-uninformed and narrow in its thinking that I had difficulty reading it even back then, when I was still an active member of the Mormon Church.

Laden with scripture and carrying a theologically-condemnatory tone, I regarded it as more of a lecture than a letter, more of a call to repentance than an invitation to reason, more of a discourse than a discussion. (But that's Mormonism and its devoted adherents tend in their own aoproaches to reflect its tenets and tactics).

Contrary my father’s intent, the letter actually steeled my resolve to continue the search for my own answers and not to rely on a Church for guidance whose intent seemed more focused on protecting its falsified history and mangled doctrine than in giving me credible information. If anything, despite his obvious sincerity and love that he showed toward me, my father’s letter served as a model for how not to go about searching for truth.

It also had a significant impact on my emerging critical thoughts concerning Mormonism. Ironically, it was one of many signposts that helped lead me out of the Church and into a more natural and preferred life of intellectual independence.

For easier reading of its rather dense copy, I have broken his letter to me into sub-sections.
_____



Dated March 25, 1980, it reads as follows (subheads inserted by me for easier reading):

“My Dear Son, Stephen,

PRAYERFUL REFLECTION

“I have prayerfully approached the writing of this letter and have earnestly sought the spirit of our Father in Heaven in its composition. My only desire is for your welfare. I have enjoyed and appreciated so much the relationship we have had over the years as Father and Son. It has been one full of love and mutual respect and concern. Our many talks together have brought a closeness that I feel has pleased our Father in Heaven. The embraces we have had after such special talks have been sacred to me. The spirit has been present on such occasions. I have felt it. I pray for that same spirit as I write you today.


BLESSED BY THE LORD

“The Lord loves you, Stephen. You are one His valiant servants. I know of your love of the Lord and your desire to do His will. I have felt of your testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as it has been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith.

“You have also been blessed of the Lord with a good mind and a honest desire to know truth. As you have pursued your studies at school I have been impressed with your meticulous research and scholarly inquiry into many subjects. Truly, “The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.” (D&C 93:36), and it is in your pursuit of light and truth I would like to make some observations and suggestions that I hope will be helpful.


BENEFITS OF THE RELIGIOUS LIFE

“When I was at B.Y.U. Dr. Thomas L. Martin was the Dean of the College of Applied Science. At a student body devotional exercise he said:

”If you will accept a religious spirit in your life, you will have poise, personality, and a confidence that inspires and you will be able to make outstanding contributions to your work. With this (religious) spirit talents will work better, your mind will be clear from distracting influences, and you will be stimulated to do greater things. But, if you subdue this spirit you will become cynical, gloomy and blundering.’


SCRIPTURE READING

“So, first of all, Stephen, I would urge you to continue to consciously develop a religious spirit as you pursue your studies and research whether it be to the workings of the universe and the creations of our Father-in-Heaven or into political thought and the science of government, or whatever subject or branch of learning you may be pursuing. In my mind this would include a constant reading and pondering of the scriptures. Some time ago President Marion G. Romney said:

’A few years ago, as I began to practice law, members of my family were a little uneasy. They were afraid I would lose my faith. I wanted to practice law, but I had an even greater desire to keep my testimony, and so I decided upon a little procedure which I recommend to you. For thirty minutes each morning before I begin the day’s work, I read from the Book of Mormon . . . and in just a few minutes a day I read the Book of Mormon through, every year, for nine years. I know that it kept me in harmony, so far as I did keep in harmony, with the Spirit of the Lord.’ (Conference Report, April 1940, p. 36)

“At a later time President Romney said:

‘You ought to read the gospel; you ought to read the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants; you ought to read all the scriptures with the idea of finding out what’s in them and what the meaning is and not to prove some idea of your own. Just read them and plead with the Lord to let you understand what he had in mind when he wrote them.’ (Address given to Seminary and Institute Coordinators, 3 April 1973, p.5)

“The Lord told Oliver Cowdery:

‘But, behold, I say unto you that you must study it out in your mind: then you must ask me if it be right, and if it be right, I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

‘But, if it be not right, you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing that is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me.’ (D&C 9:8, 9)


PRAYING FOR GOD TO BLOCK ANY UNINSPIRED RESEARCH

“Of late, Stephen, you should know that I have prayed that you would have such a stupor of thought as you wrote your paper if what you were writing was wrong and was not pleasing to our Heavenly Father, but it what you were writing was right that the spirit of the Lord would confirm this to you.


MINIMIZING WORLDLY LEARNING

“It is so important that you seek after and have the spirit of the Lord with you as you study the scriptures and read the words of the brethren and as you do research into such sacred subjects as the creation of the earth and the creation of man, for there are some things it is impossible to understand without the spirit of the Lord. In this regard President John Taylor taught:

‘We believe that it is necessary for man to be placed in communication with God; that he should have revelation from him, and that unless he is placed under the influences of the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he can know nothing about the things of God.

‘I do not care how learned a man may be, or how extensively he may have traveled. I do not care what his talent, intellect, or genius may be, at what college he may have studied, how comprehensive his views or what his judgment may be on other matters, he cannot understand certain things without the Spirit of God.’

“President Taylor’s words are confirmed in the scriptures. In I Corinthians 2:9-14 we read the Apostle Paul’s word:

‘But as it is written, eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

‘But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.

‘For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.

‘Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit of God; that we might know the things which are freely given to us by God.

‘Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth comparing spiritual things with spiritual.

‘But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.’

“Nephi also tells us the importance of inquiring of the Lord in order to understand great and important doctrine:

‘For he truly spake many great things unto them, which were hard to be understood, save a man should inquire of the Lord, and they being hard in their hearts, therefore they did not look unto the Lord as they ought.

‘And they said: Behold, we cannot understand the words which our father hath spoken concerning the natural branches of the olive-tree, and also concerning the Gentiles.

‘And I said unto them: Have ye inquired of the Lord?

‘And they said unto me: We have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us

‘Behold, I said unto them: How is it that ye do not keep the commandments of the Lord? How is it that ye will perish, because of the hardness of your hearts?

‘Do you not remember the things which the Lord hath said? If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be know unto you.’ (I Nephi 15:3, 7-11)

“Both Paul’s and Nephi’s words are confirmed by the First Presidency in relating to receiving and understanding the creation of man:

‘Man, by searching, cannot find out God. Never, unaided, will he discover the truth about the beginning of human life. The Lord must reveal Himself, or remain unrevealed; and the same is true of the facts relating to the origin of Adam’s race—God alone can reveal them.’ (Improvement Era 13: 75-81, November 1909)

“In fact, the Lord indicates that he can bless man with a knowledge of the creation if he has faith in him and keeps His commandments. In II Nephi 1:10 we read:

‘But behold, when the time cometh when they shall dwindle in unbelief, after they have received so great blessings from the hand of the Lord—having a knowledge of the creation of the earth, and all men, knowing the great and marvelous works of the Lord from the creation of the world; having power given to them to do all things by faith. . . ‘

“Is it possible that man, without the spirit of our Father in Heaven, can continually learn but never come to a knowledge of the truth?

“Did not the Lord say that in the last days:

‘. . . thee wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hid.’ (Isaiah 29: 14).

“Paul declared in I Corinthians 1:26-27:

‘For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:

‘For God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.’


AVOID PUTTING FAITH IN THE ARM OF FLESH

“It seem that throughout recorded time the Lord has felt the need of warning us against putting our faith in men’s wisdom as opposed to the Lord’s and that we should be continually on guard not to be puffed up in our own knowledge. Remember Nephi’s beautiful prayer and petition to the Lord as received in II Nephi 4: 16-35? I quote only four verses but commend them all:

‘Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

‘May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

‘O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

‘Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.’ (II Nephi 4: 16, 32, 34, 35)


INTELLECTUAL PRIDE

“Further, in II Nephi 9:42-43 we read:

‘And whoso knocketh, to him will he open; and the wise, and the learned, and they that are rich, who are puffed up because of their learning, and their wisdom, and their riches—yea, they are they whom he despiseth; and say they shall cast these things away, and consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility, he will not open unto them.

‘But the things of the wise and prudent shall be hid from them forever—yea, that happiness which is prepared for the saints.’
“And in II Nephi 12:2, 3, 11, and 12 Isaiah declares:

‘And it shall come to pass in the last days, when the mountain of the Lords house shall be established in the tops of the mountains and shall be exalted above the hills, and all nations shall flow unto it.

‘And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths; for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.

‘And it shall come to pass that the lofty looks of man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day.

‘For the day of the Lord of Hosts soon cometh on all nations, yea, upon every one; yea, upon the proud and lofty, and upon everyone who is lifted up, and he shall be brought low.’


ORGANIC EVOLUTION VIOLATES GOD’S TEACHINGS

“The reason I dwell on this particular point, Stephen, is because Moses 1:34 states:

‘And the first man of all men have I called Adam, which is many.’

“And in order, by the spirit, to better understand what that verse meant, the First Presidency of the Church elaborated by stating:

‘It is held by some that Adam wasn’t the first man upon this earth, and that the original human being was a development from lower orders of the animal creations. These however, are the theories of men. The word of the Lord declares that Adam was ‘the first man of all men’ (Moses 1: 34), and we are therefore duty bound to regard him as the primal parent of our race.’ (Improvement Era 13: 75-81, November 1909)

“I sincerely and earnestly raise the question, isn’t that one verse of scripture and the First Presidency statement simple declarations regarding the creation of man that if we inquired of the Lord and sought His spirit that we would not have difficulty understanding it and knowing what ‘the Lord had in mind’ as President Romney says.

“To my knowledge this statement of the First Presidency has never been rescinded and is the last official position of the Church on evolution and the origin of man. Moreover, there are ‘living’ Prophets, Seers and Revelators today that have been outspoken in their support in this position (Notably President Benson, Elder Petersen and Elder McConkie and all of the Council of the Twelve). To my knowledge, there is no living Prophet, Seer and Revelator who has taken exception to it. The living Prophets are more important to us today than the dead Prophets, and without a statement from President Kimball to the contrary and with three present members of the Twelve in visible support of it, it seems to me the statement of President Joseph F. Smith, John R. Winder and Anthon A. Lund is authoritative and represents the official position of the Church.

“The late Elder John A. Widtsoe further said:

‘The doctrine of the common origin of life on earth is but a scientific theory and should be viewed as such. Clear thinkers will distinguish between the general law of change or evolution accepted by all, and the special theories of evolution which, like all scientific theories, are subject to variation with the increase of knowledge. Honest thinkers will not attempt to confuse law and theory in the minds of laymen. The man, learned or unlearned, who declares the doctrine of the common origin of life to be demonstrated beyond doubt, has yet to master the philosophy of science. The failure to differentiate between facts and inferences is the most grievous and the most common sin of scientists.’ (John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, pp. 159-165)


FOOLISH DOCTRINES OF MEN

“Could this problem that some scientists may have both in and out of the Church have some reference to II Nephi 28: 9, 12, 14, 15:

‘Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their work shall be in the dark.

‘Because of pride, and because of false teachers, and false doctrine, their churches have become corrupted, and their churches are lifted up; because of pride they are puffed up.

‘They wear stiff necks and high heads; yea, and because of pride and wickedness and abominations, and whoredoms, they have all gone astray save it be a few, who are the humble followers of Christ; nevertheless, they are led, that in many instances they do err because they are taught by the precepts of men.

‘O the wise, and the learned, and the rich, that are puffed up in the pride of their hearts, and all those who preach false doctrines, and all those who commit whoredoms, and pervert the right way of the Lord, wo, wo, wo be unto them, sayeth the Lord God Almighty, for they shall be thrust down to hell!’

“Are there those who teach today on campuses and through textbooks, as described in verse IV of that same chapter and who ‘teach with their learning, and deny the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance’? Can we liken the scriptures (The Book of Mormon) to our day? Are there those professors who wear stiff necks and high heads, who are wise and learned and puffed up and who teach false doctrines as described in verses 14 and 15? Are there some intellectuals who feel by their own searching and researching have obtained special knowledge and understanding which elevates them above the knowledge and understanding of the Brethren of the General Authorities and that as a result they feel that intellectually they have outgrown the Church and the Prophets and the humble followers of Christ?

“The Lord declared in II Nephi 9: 28 and 29:

‘O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness and the frailties and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and the harken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.

‘But to be learned is good if they harken unto the counsels of God.’

“And of course, the counsels of God come to us today though the living Prophets.


ORGANIC EVOLUTION VIOLATES SCRIPTURAL TRUTH

“As an example of the importance of a living Prophet, Seer and Revelator interpreting scripture by the spirit we can read II Peter 3: 3-7 which is pertinent to our discussion. Verse 4 is particularly significant as scoffers in the last days will say:

‘. . . where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.’

“Now we have in Elder Bruce R. McConkie, a living Prophet, Seer and Revelator elaborating on this verse by saying:

‘ In this simple statement is summarized one of the basic reasons why the wisdom of men cannot interpret the events of creation, redemption, and salvation. The reason: It is false to assume that all things have always been the same. For instance: When the Lord created this earth, it was in a terrestrial state, and Edenic state, a paradisiacal state; death had not then entered the world. Adam and Eve were all in an immortal state. The beginning of offspring had not yet begun (Moses 5:11). Then came the fall. And, ‘if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin. But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of Him who knoweth all things. Adam feel that men might be, and men are that they might have joy.’ (II Nephi 2: 22-25). In due course, when Christ reigns ‘personally upon the earth,’ then ‘the earth shall be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.’ (Tenth Article of Faith). That is, it will return to its terrestrial, Edenic, of paradisiacal state; it will be the new heaven and the new earth of which Peter is about to speak. None of these eternal verities are known to or understood by the scientists of the world or the uninspired teachers among men. Without them how can they possibly understand the true import and meaning of the doctrine of the second coming of the Son of Man?’ (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, V. III, Bruce R. McConkie)


GETTING PERSONAL: HOW IS YOUR SPIRITUALITY?

“Stephen, may I now even be more specific in relation to your earnest quest for truth. Be assured, my questions and comments are not meant to be antagonistic but only to cause you to prayerfully ponder and consider.

“1. How is your spirit? As you seek to know the things of God, his creations and his wonderful works do you approach it in the spirit of humility, earnestly seeking divine guidance?

“Are you sensitive to the spirit as you read both the words of men and the revelations of God that you might know the truth? Are you puffed up at all in your own learning, your own reasoning?

“Do you stand in awe of God’s wisdom and reasoning, remembering the Lord’s words in Isaiah:

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, sayeth the Lord.

‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.’ (Isaiah 55: 8-9)


ARE YOU BEING DECEIVED BY WORLDY PROFESSORS?

“#2. Which leads to my next question. Are you being lead by professors who teach by the spirit of Christ and his crucified? Do they build faith or do they oppose or water down the teachings of the Brethren? Do they rationalize the words of the living Prophets, damning by faint praise and saying, ‘Oh, they’re entitled to their opinion,’ rather than bearing testimony of the truthfulness of their words? Does their learning and research take precedence over Gods revelations to his holy Prophets? Do the words of Korihor, the Anti-Christ, have any application here:

‘Behold, these things which ye call prophecies, which he say are handed down by holy Prophets, behold, they are foolish traditions of your fathers.’ (Alma 30: 15)

“I would urge you to read the entire 30th chapter of Alma in the spirit of which we are discussing. For the concern that I have, Stephen, as you pursue your studies is to have you realize that ‘truth’ always builds faith, faith in a higher power, and untruth diminishes that faith. True religion and true science will never conflict. All truth emanates from God. Therefore your studies should build faith in God, in the divinity of Jesus Christ, in the Fall and Atonement and in your testimony of living Prophets. Elder B. H. Roberts’ words have a direct bearing on this subject as it applies to the theory of evolution. He noted that among other objections urged against the theory of evolution is that:

‘. . . it is contrary to the revelations of God . . . the revelations that speak of the atonement of Christ . . . if the hypothesis of evolution be true, if a man is only a product evolved from lower forms of life, better still producing better . . . then it is evident that there has been not ‘fall’ such as the revelations of God speak of; and if there was no occasion for a Redeemer to make atonement for man . . . then the mission of Jesus Christ was myth, the coinage of idle brains.’ (The Gospel and Man’s Relationship to Deity)

STAYING PERSONAL: HOW IS YOUR TESTIMONY?

“#3. May I then ask the question, how is your testimony? Is it growing or diminishing? As you study the theory of evolution, as an example, does your love for the Savior increase? Does your love of the Brethren, the General Authorities grow? Is your appreciation for and faith in the Prophets being strengthened? Or are there some professors who would diminish your faith in the Brethren, who would almost take delight, it would seem, in pitting one against the other? I would urge you with all the energy I possess not to feed on this kind of controversy. It will destroy your soul.

“And don’t be a part of those who would drive a wedge between the Brethren and who would hold them up to ‘mild’ ridicule or criticism. They are on the road to apostasy. I have seen it happen, Stephen, a person starts feeling, as an example, that a member of the Twelve is speaking without authority or knowledge on a certain subject and so he dismisses his position as being uninspired or uninformed. Now, that in itself is serious enough. But often because he feels that particular member of the Twelve was ‘incorrect’ in one area, it decreases his faith in him in other areas and in his own mind he begins to take the edge off his divine calling. Soon he begins to question the Brethren in other areas and then it depends on which of the Brethren is speaking on a particular subject as to whether this person feels that Brother is qualified to speak on it and therefore whether he is obligated to follow it. And the final upshot of it all is he often starts picking and choosing between the Brethren and the doctrines he will follow, depending on what subjects they speak on and whether he feels they are qualified to do so and whether it agrees with his own point of view. What a dangerous position to put oneself in. If it does not eventually result in his complete apostasy from the Church, it does surely result in neutralizing himself and his becoming lukewarm in the Kingdom, neither hot or cold. (Revelations 3: 15 ), of not being valiant in the testimony of Jesus (D&C 76: 79) and as a result not being able to be used effectively by the Lord in his service.

“And his testimony (or lack of) may influence many, particularly those of his own family, and their testimony in the living Prophets is often likewise diminished and sometimes a generations are lost or completely neutralized as far as activity in the Church is concerned and their possessing a saving knowledge and testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.


LIVE BY FAITH, NOT KNOWLEDGE

“#4. I also feel it is important to remember that there is much in this world we don’t know and will never know in this life. Primarily we still walked by faith. Faith is still the first principle of the Gospel and that is one of the major reasons for our mortal probation. Before earth life we knew, now we are required to have faith—in the Lord, in living Prophets, in the whisperings of the spirit.

“Sometimes our faith is weak and we have to obtain our learning by studying. The Lord is clear on this, for in D&C 88:116 we read:

‘As all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning even by study and also by faith.’

“But if we had more faith, maybe we wouldn’t have to spend so much time and effort studying man’s wisdom and acquiring knowledge through fallible means and imperfect books and clumsy methods of trial and error. What of the faith of the Brother of Jared. He obtained his learning directly from God. He obtained his knowledge of the personage of God because of his ‘exceeding faith’ (Ether 3:9). Because of his faith he was redeemed from the fall (Ether 3:13) and knew in what image man was created (Ether 3:15). Maybe our knowledge of the creation of the earth and of man’s creation could be greatly increased and purified if we had more faith in the Lord Jesus Christ or at least more faith in His Prophets who speak for Him.

“Yes, there is much in this life we don’t know and by searching can’t know. Job exclaims: “Canst thou by searching find out God” (Job 11:7). But by faith, even faith in miracles, there are some things we can know. As Nephi records:

‘And the Gentiles are lifted up in the pride of their eyes, and have stumbled, because of the greatness of their stumbling block, that they have built up many churches; nevertheless, they put down the power and miracles of God, and preach up unto themselves their own wisdom and their own learning . . . “ (II Nephi 26:20)

“The Creation could well be God’s greatest miracle.


NEVER TRUST A SCIENTIST

“5. I would remind you again of the words of Elder John A. Widtsoe, ‘The doctrine of the common origin of life on earth is but a scientific theory and should be viewed as such.’

“Dr. Melvin A. Cook observes, “. . . owing to the strong desire of scientists to display their brilliance and ingenuity, there is a tendency for theory to become the objective instead of a means to the end.’ The danger, he says, is that ‘ . . . .disciples become so engrossed in the theory that they lose sight of its fundamental purpose, the quest for truth.’ And then he spoke of a renowned scientists who me a factual objection with the statement, ‘I am more concerned with the elegance of the theory than the truth of it.’

“To be specific, Stephen, I hope in your research you haven’t pursued a particular theory so far and desired to prove a hypothesis so much that it becomes the objective and it becomes difficult to withdraw from the position even though additional light and truth and inspiration tells you to do so.

“Remember the move, ‘Bridge on the River Kwai,’ and how the general resisted having the enemy’s bridge blown up? Even though he and his men were forced to build the bridge for the enemy, he was so committed to building a perfect bridge (analogy: perfect theory) he lost sight of his objective and didn’t want the bridge destroyed even though it should have been. Thus, I hope you haven’t taken an hypothesis so far because of its elegance and then feel the need of defending it at all costs, even though it is only a theory and not a fact and may eventually need to be altered or even discarded.

“In this regard, I hope you don’t feel the compulsion of reconciling all of the theories of evolution with the revelations of God through the scriptures and through the modern Prophets. I feel there are some theories of evolution that simply cannot be reconciled. Some humanistic, materialistic and agnostic theories are opposed to revealed religion and are corrupt. They have a smattering of truth and yet are anti-Christ. Some ‘teach the philosophies of men mingled with scriptures’ but they are false Gods. President Joseph F. Smith warned that in the last days there would be three dangers that would threaten the Church from within: (1) the flattery of prominent men; (2) sexual immorality and (3) false educational ideas. Could organic evolution be one of those false educational ideas?


KEEP THE COMMANDMENTS AND READ CHURCH MAGAZINES

“6. In all your studies, Stephen, keeping the commandments allows you to keep the channels open for communication between you and the Lord. Living right, staying clean, being faithful to your Priesthood duties, being a good father and husband entitles you to answers from our Heavenly Father that are available no other way. It is still true:

‘The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.’ (James 5:16)

“And D&C 121:45-46 is still a class of truth:

‘Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong n the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon they soul as the dews from heaven.

‘The Holy Ghost shall be they constant companion, and they scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and they dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.’

“We all need the Holy Ghost to be with us as we read and study and research the things of God and man, and being virtuous is the key to receiving it.

“And in this pursuit of knowledge I would urge you again to read the scriptures every day, the Church News every week and the Ensign every month. Elder John A. Widtsoe wisely observed:

‘It is a paradox that man will gladly devote time every day for m any years to learn a science or an art; yet will expect to win a knowledge of the gospel, which comprehends all sciences and arts, through perfunctory glances at books or occasional listening to sermons. The gospel should be studied more intensively than any school or college subject. They who pass opinion on the gospel without having given it intimate and careful study are not lovers of truth and their opinions are worthless.

‘So important is the gospel the guide to human conduct, that it would be well for every lover of truth to set aside fifteen to thirty minutes daily for the study of the gospel. Such regular study will in a few years yield mastery of gospel principles.’


“In this connection, I would recommend your reading again ‘Jesus the Christ’ by Elder James E. Talmage, a great man of letters but also a true Prophet, Seer and Revelator. I am playing the tapes of the book to and from work and find that one receives a special spirit when one considers the divine mission of Jesus Christ. His atoning sacrifice becomes the greatest of all miracles and as one studies the life of the Son of God the humanistic approach to the Creation and the fall of Adam contain no appeal.


AVOID APOSTACY IN WRITING YOUR RESEARCH PAPER

“7. My last specific suggestion has to do with the actual writing of your paper. Will the final manuscript build faith in any member who may read it or will it diminish faith? Will it increase a member’s desire to sustain living Prophets, Seers and Revelators or will it decrease that desire? Will it develop in a person’s heart and mind more love for the Savior, a belief in the actuality of the fall and a testimony of the miracle of the atonement or will it neutralize that testimony? I feel you have a sacred responsibility, Stephen, to yourself, to your family and to all who may read your final paper. I know the desire you have for intellectual honesty and this is commendable. You also have a responsibility for spiritual honesty and sensitivity and for the salvation of your own soul and this is even more vital. To help you understand what I mean would you please read the attached pages 19 and 20 of the recent insert on the Equal Rights Amendment, as published by the Ensign Magazine. Then ask yourself would the publishing of our paper (even to a most select group) be considered ‘publishing those differences of opinion and seeking by arguments, sophistry and special pleading to enforce upon the people to produce division and strife and to place the acts and counsels of the authorities of the church, if possible, in a wrong light . . . ‘

“If so, the Brethren as I understand it would consider to that be an act of apostasy. Then please analyze the state of President George Q. Cannon:

‘We further said that while a man might honestly differ in opinion from the authorities through a want of understanding, he had to be exceedingly careful how he acted in relation to such differences, or the adversary would take advantage of him, and he would soon become imbued with the spirit of apostasy, and be found fighting against God and the authority which He had placed here to govern His Church.’


CONCERN FOR YOUR SPIRITUAL WELFARE AND THOSE YOU AFFECT

“Again, Stephen, my only desire is for your spiritual welfare and the spiritual welfare of those you may affect. I now you have the same concerns. Therefore, would you please consider the ramifications of your paper n light of the points discussed in #7.


READING LIST

“Stephen, this is the longest letter I can ever remember writing. I started it about 7 weeks ago and it’s taken another week to type. I hope it has not been tiring for you to read. I have earnestly prayed with deep humility that the spirit has been present as you have read it. I pray for that same spirit as you read the enclosures, some of which I am sure you have, others you may not:

--Two statements by the First Presidency on evolution

--Seven articles from “The Improvement Era”

--Two editorials from the “Church News”

--“To the Humble Followers of Christ,” by Ezra Taft Benson

--“What is Orthodoxy,” by John A. Widtsoe

--“Man—His Origin and Destiny,” by Joseph Fielding Smith (first 20 pages)

--“Evidence and Reconciliations,” by John A. Widtsoe, pp. 1-34, 125-159,- 182-187. 287-290

--“Gospel Interpretations,” by John A. Widtsoe

--“The fall of Adam, The Atonement of Christ and Organic Evolution,” by Reid E. Bankhead

“I know my letter comes to you at the 11th hour and that you have spent months in writing your paper and have it practically completed. I just pray that you will give my humble efforts serious and prayerful consideration, and I have the faith the if you will do so, and if it is the Lord’s will, that this letter will have beneficial effect on your final paper in spite of its late arrival.

“I have also determined to do additional study and research myself and have just begun reading, “Science and Religion—Toward A More Useful Dialogue, Volume I and II and President Joseph Fielding Smith’s “Man—His Origin and Destiny, which I have never read all the way through.


REQUEST FOR PRE-SUBMISSION REVIEW OF YOUR RESEARCH PAPER

“May I make a final request. I would really be honored to be allowed to read a final draft of your [BYU research] paper [on the official position of the Mormon Church on organic evolution] before you submit it to B.Y.U. As different teachers on campus may have been helpful to you in making observations and recommendations before you submitted your final paper, may I have the same opportunity? It is not my right or desire to edit your paper. It is only your prerogative to do that. All I could do is make observations which you may or may not feel are valid and useful and then only you can determine what is finally submitted.


TESTIMONY

“Thank you, Stephen, for letting me visit with you in this letter. I bear you my testimony that I have told you the truth to the best of my ability to transmit that truth through faith and prayer and study.


HOLD TO THE IRON ROD

“I love you, Stephen, with all my heart. May you ever hold to the iron rod and may the Lord use youth build His Kingdom as one of his truest and most valiant servants in is the humble prayer of your father,

“Affectionately,

(signed)

”Dad”
_____


--POSTSCRIPT

On September 9th, 1981, my father wrote me a follow-up letter, again attempting to persuade me one last time to allow my undergraduate research paper on the Mormon Church’s official position on the theory of evolution to be reviewed by Church authorities, before submitting it to my BYU professors.

The letter was printed on the letterhead of Cleon Skousen’s right-wing “Freemen Institute,” for whom my father worked as a vice-president.

The letter read as follows:

“Dear Steve:

“As you prepare your final paper on Evolution, a few observations from Grandpa and myself that I hope will be helpful and received by you in the right spirit.

“Grandpa: ‘Write nothing that will diminish faith and testimony.’

‘You can be a tool of the Lord if you’ll let Him.’

‘You’re my oldest Grandson and I’m proud of you and feel I always will be.’

“Dad: ‘Write with the spirit of God. With prayer and fasting you are entitled to revelation beyond your research.’

‘Being true to yourself should mean being true to your higher and a higher law.’

‘Intellectual pride now may bring regret later, as one matures and becomes more sensitive to the spirit.’

‘Guard its use and into which hands it goes (Dialogue, etc.)’

‘Share the final draft with Grandpa, Brother McConkie, Uncle Reed or myself before it goes to press (for our final observations, whether you accept them or not). I particularly feel Grandpa would be appreciative of this opportunity.

“God bless you, Steve. We pray for you continually that the Holy Ghost may literally be with you in all your research, writing and editing.

“Love,

(signed)

“Dad

“P.S.—And a final suggestion, that you reread the paper I submitted to you several weeks ago with the prayer that the Holy Ghost will witness to you of the truths contained therein.”

I loved my Dad because he cared.

*******************************************************


--A FINAL ANALYSIS

For all their stated good intentions, this personal episode demonstrated to me that the Mormon Church, at its highest levels, is an institution of relentless and narrow-minded regimentation, as manifested by the fact that it is:

--antagonistic to individual thinking

--opposed to non-Church approved independent research, education and scholarship that is critical of the Church

--ignorant of science

--critical of the character and motivations of scientists

--fearful of intellectual growth and curiosity

--controlling

--abusive

--invasive

--manipulative

--dishonest

--judgmental


It was right for me to leave the Mormon Church. The importance I place on personally-defined identity, individually-arrived-at choice and rational, fact-finding thinking would not have led me to do otherwise.

That said, I will always love my Dad. R.I.P.

Steve, I’m so sorry. I loved my little Yiddishe Pop with all my heart and miss him so much. I’ll never understand death.

Our intelligence gives us the power to build intricate and self supporting edifices of nonsense that it can be hard to walk outside into reality.

Your father mentioned stupor of thought, a real phenomenon and many a true beleiver’s reaction to unanswerable anti mormon facts. TSCC cleverly uses that uncomfortable human reaction to pretend that the holy ghost is communicating that doubt is wrong and that people need to stop thinking and do better mental gymnastics. Perhaps in the past your dad had experienced some of this himself but had resolved it by doubling-down.

Thanks for sharing.

So much energy spent trying to justify total bull****. Pathetic.

My parents were the exact opposite of yours. My mother was raised to be Catholic and my Dad didn't really have a specific religion that he was raised in, but he did sing in the Anglican Church as a boy, even though they were not Anglican. I guess he just liked to sing. I don't know. I asked him once what religion his parents were and he said, "I think my father was United and my mother belonged to a non-denominational Christian church." The "I think" part told me that his father was not a practicing religious person. My Dad's family were listed as Methodists on the early Canadian census records, which is one of the churches which got together to form the United Church of Canada.

But my parents did not raise us to be religious. They didn't teach us to not be religious. The subject just never came up. I asked my mother about it once and she said that we could make up our own minds when we grew up.

I'm the one who went out searching for religion. I had been baptized in the Catholic Church as a baby, although I was never taken to a Catholic service of any kind. My Dad tried to take me to the Anglican Church when I was about three years old. But I always cried when the choir began to sing and so he'd have to take me back home again. At some point he gave up and that was the end of my religious education. By the time my brother and sister came along, any thoughts of religion had disappeared in my family.

I became part of the Baptist Church for a few years, just as I entered my teen years, but I didn't like their attitude towards people of other Christian denominations, so I left. Then I was baptized into the Mormon Church just after my 17th birthday. I had just lost my Nana to cancer and my best friend had passed away in her sleep from a brain aneurysm. I guess I was searching for answers. Besides, the Mormon kids didn't bully me, like the kids at school did.

Anyway, one thing I appreciated about my parents is that they were supportive when I joined the Church and even more supportive when I left it. I had no idea that they felt negatively about the Church until I'd left. They kept that to themselves. After I left, it was like, "Okay, now let us tell you what we really thought of it." All they really said was, "So much of what they teach is just plain wrong." They were relieved that I'd left.

When I was a member of the Church, it was a point of sadness for me that I was the only member in my family. It was a bit of a lonely feeling in a Church filled with families. But once I'd left, it was something to be grateful for. I never had to endure what I've seen people endure here from their families, when they've tried to make their own decisions about their faith, or lack thereof.

The thing which stands out to me most about your Dad's attitude is the idea that faith is more important than knowledge. That's just scary. Knowledge is, well, knowledge. Not faith, which is something never provable. Scary.

I also hate the guilt and fear that the Mormon Church piles on its members. It's something which kept me in the Church long after I should have left. The realization that it had managed to damage my self-esteem quite badly was the main factor in my decision to go inactive in the first place.

I'm sorry you miss your Dad. I lost mine not quite 9 months ago and it's an adjustment in my life, to say the least. Especially since I lived with my parents. He was an amazing man and one whose passing has left a giant hole in his family. I will always miss him.

Wow.
Unbelievable.

He overdosed on Mormon Kool-Aid like some kind of Mormon-meme robot.

What strikes me is his fear that you might say something against the church like he was battling protecting the church, (avoiding church embarrassment) and trying to understand his son.

What irritated me most was when he said he prayed for your stupor of thought (coming from his own church-induced stupor of thought).

I thought it was weird that he wanted to read your paper on evolution before you cut it loose. I wonder if he just wanted to know before the shit hit the fan or maybe he thought he could persuade you to change the facts.

I was also struck that he couldn't stop with the Mormon catch words and party line even in a conversation with his son. It's like a church talk.

We all (well, most of us) love our parents for the good things they did and the sacrifices and love they had for us. No doubt he was above most in his love for his children. However, as adults, we see our parents through adult eyes. IMO your dad was a brainwashed frightened kook.

It is even more impressive that you were able to break away after reading this. Clearly independent thought was not valued or taught in his world. I've always thought that you had to give up more and put up with more pushback than most of us who left because of your family.

Thanks for sharing this. I thought my mom was bad for taking a red pen to a church magazine about scientists thinking that would somehow stop me from thinking.

That letter is a good example of a brain overtaken by religion.

My dad also was in turmoil over my apostacy. He was not as articulate as your dad, but I loved him as you loved yours. His love was selfless and with earnest concern for my eternity.

Thank you Steve for putting yourself out there, in words, for us.

They never once in their life used that kind of language with any of their children, 4 of whom are out of 6. I was the one that shocked them the most as I was much more devout than they were and they did talk to me about it as they watched my life fall apart.

My mother told me I could be spiritual without being any religion. My dad had his moments, although he'd been the one who didn't attend church much.

I've had this happen to me, though, from my aunt who is my mother's only remaining sibling. She did it to me a year ago when my daughter went through the temple and my aunt wrote me a very disgusting e-mail about how I could prepare myself to feel the spirit while my daughter was in the temple, that my parents would be with me and with her. She told me to dress up nice as it would feel good to be dressed up. First I told her off. Then I sent her a LONG e-mail telling her what I had been through and why I was no longer mormon and never would be. She twisted my story around to make it seem like I had done what I was told and I was still blessed or whatever. Like I would go back to my abusers? That side of the family other than our family has the rhetoric down just like your father did.

I can't read the whole letter your dad wrote. It was just too much for me to handle.

I got many letters from my mother over the years even if we only lived 20 miles from each other. It just so happened that a week after she died, my ex brought in a letter to me and he said, "Isn't this your mother's handwriting?" It sure was. The letter had been lost in the mail. It was a GIFT to me to have that happen.

The argument from critics corner has been that my dad was sincere and that therefore I shouldn't be airing with anyone else what was so personally important and holy to him.

That kind of "reasoning" does not sway or impress me. My dad sent me this letter with his stated hope (as expressed therein) that I wouldn't be able to think my way through life and that before I shared whatever I was thinking with anyone else that he found sinful and soul-destroying, I should share it with him first so that he could muzzle it where appropriate and needed.

The way you fight this kind of mental and personal abuse is to expose it, and to do so unapologetically.

No offense, Dad, but once you sent me your well-intentioned letter, it became my property and, as such, it is I who decides that property's fate. Myself, and others included, have found it very informative and illuminative, but not in ways that you intended. Such is life. Your letter helped to set me free. And for that, I sincerely thank you. Love, Steve



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2018 11:50AM by steve benson.

It still sounds weird when they say father in heaven or heavenly father. It's like they are reading from a children's book. With that said hopefully heavenly father looks over the surgeon i am about to see hahaha man that sounded weird. That religion really f#cked with my head i'll tell you what. My family is still under the spell bless their souls.

WOW, just WOW. This "epistle" from your Dad was quite the epistle. I so appreciate your sharing it and it brings up lots of questions.....maybe you have already written about your growing up years and could direct me to it, but what was daily life like in such a home? Were you punished if you skipped church? What were Sunday's like? Did you go on vacations and what were they like?
I am curiouser and curiouser about these aspects as my home was nothing like this as my Dad was a very absent alcoholic who my Mom was forced to leave when I turned 6 years of age.

Your Dad's care and concern for you and your welfare oozed from his words you shared even though those words were hard-core-right-wing-mormon-laced testifying to his background and his upbringing.

He loved you immensely, didn't he?

And, you loved him and you let him know it.

I hope I don't sound like I am in a pity-hole, but I would give a lot to have heard or read anything from my Dad where he was implying he loved me. I did have a hard-working somber quiet Mom who rescued us and deserves a VERY special place among the stars.

Yet, there is something about wanting to be a daughter adored and spoiled by her dad that I felt I got gilted in experiencing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2018 04:03PM by presleynfactsrock.

Our lives were totally structured and disciplined around institutionalized Mormonism, where values, priorities, duties, use of time, attitudes, friends, enemies, dating partners, hobbies, movies, TV watching, priorities, manners, humor, political parties, morals, pre-marital kissing, sex, music, haircuts, education, Church attendance/activity, individual goals and virtually everything else was defined by the Mormon Church--as the Mormon Church was defined, taught, followed and imposed by my parents--with regular, pervasive and go-to backup assistance from the extended Benson family rising all the way to the top, where Secretary of Agriculture/Apostle/President of the Twelve/Church president/Grandpa Benson resided and ruled as the Benson Zeus.

Our sense of value and acceptance was determined by our level of obedience to the Mormon Rules of the Game. This framework provided domed limits, predictability and not only day-to-day but entire-life expectational dependability.

In short, it was a tightly run ship that didn't put up with sh*t.

There was very little elasticity or ability to adapt in real time to emerging, unexpected, unscripted circumstances. When all else failed in such situations, the ready safety value was to "Follow the Rules." In this bizarre reality, my family life was incredibly stifling when it came to independent voicing of opinions, dynamic interchanges between uniquely defined personalities and the smothering of resistance and difference.

Within such an imposing construct, we expressed love and appreciation to each other but it was stilted, it felt forced and, at least to me, it was noticeably unnatural and sterile. I felt like I was in boot camp and that I would be regularly subjected to inspection-on-demand. In a real sense, I felt emotionally disconnected from other members of my family because we never got to know each other on our own terms in an environment of natural interactions based on individual personality, values, interests, traits and preferences. It was the Benson "You'd-Better-Act-OK" Corral.

Although I knew my parents loved and accepted me, it nonetheless was love and acceptance that was conditional, as defined by obedience to Mormon authority. It was love and affection determined, laid down and enforced according to Mormon House Rules.

To others in the Mormon camp, our family appeared to be orderly, devout and happy. To non-Mormons, our family appeared to be just plain weird.

I finally couldn't take it any more because, lucky for me, I was born with an irrepressible genetic urge to question, doubt and think. Leaving the Mormon Church was like taking my first deep breath in life and thrilling in feeling the oxygenation that comes with freedom.



Edited 9 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2018 01:42AM by steve benson.

This little post (comment to your main post) is GOLD. You captured it exactly, just that my grandfather wasn't a prophet but my father was/is the embodiment of all you describe about your father and patriarchal mormonism. You described our family perfectly--conditional love all revolving around the Mormon house rules. The family was institutional. And we, as a family, are completely fucked up because of our "uniquely defined personalities/" as you described it, that were so snuffed out by the patriarch.

I hear you about the breath of fresh air. I remember that feeling so well. As hard as it has been (financially, logistically) in the near-20 years since my departure from the institution, I cannot think of a hardship I've faced that I would ever consider trading for the perfect institutional mormon family and the me that went along with that. "A mind that has been stretched can never retain its original shape." Not sure who first said it, but it has always resonated with me. Thank you for this thread.

(Oh, and is my practice, I went back in and fixed a couple of typos).

I felt smothered reading your description of the Benson Clan with Grandpa Zeus holding the reins. I have stayed a few times too many with a family whose MormonCult structure seems close to what you described and I honestly felt like I landed in prison each time. The patriarchal Dad at the head of the dinner table seated under the "mormon" sign of No Empty Chairs, his calling on someone to offer the family mealtime prayer with the look given that uttering no will not be tolerated, the usual mandatory kiss to his wife when the prayer ended, (the kids filled me in on this procedure), and the drill that followed of him asking everyone, one at a time, what their day was like.

Steve, thanks for sharing something so personal, and for enlarging my understanding of how this upbringing made you feel. I believe I understand you better, and what you took the time to share, I hope I can apply to having more empathy and understanding to all the victims of the fucking MormonCult which is lethal and evil to its core.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2018 03:06AM by presleynfactsrock.

Steve, it was painful to read the letter; I can’t imagine how much hurt you felt when you first read it. I’m glad that you and your Dad did have a strong relationship afterward. With much respect, The Boner.

I felt completely and calmly untangled. It did not ring true to me. It did not resonate with me. It did not speak to me in a relevant or recognizable language.

All it did was revert to dull and robotic appeals to power and punishment in the name of an uncompromising, dehumanizing and vacuous cult. It rang hollow, ridiculous and disembodied when squared up against my reality.

I did not allow the letter to wound or hurt me. I was passed that point and refused to tolerate its unimpressive attempts to bludgeon me into silence and compliance. It made me realize that I was on my own, but that I knew my course ahead and would not be deterred from remaining on it. The letter had pushed me over the edge, toward a bridge too far—one that I was not going to march to. Period. Full stop.

I had the facts, I had the research. I had done the thinking. All the Mormon Church had done was to pony up a phony faith, accompanied by rubbish warnings of retribution.

I wasn’t fazed, tazed, afraid or amazed. I was just tired of the never-ending bullsh*t.

Damn the Book of Mormon, full speed ahead.

The letter was, in fact, the worst thing that any Mormon, in family or out, could use to “save“ me. It was a crystallizing moment, one where I vowed not to bow to the abuse and authoritarianism of a farsical faith. I knew the Mormon Church couldn’t hurt me because I refused to allow myself to be hurt. I wanted freedom to think my way to my own conclusions and I wouldn’t let anything keep me from where I was going. I was sick of being bullied and threatened by wannabe Masters of the Universe whose power resided in their secret underwear. I wasn’t about to allow them to muzzle or minimize me with a preening display of strut-your-stuff huff-‘n-puff. I had had enough. As far as I was concerned, they could stick it in their peepstone hat where the sun don’t shine.

This is what happens when Mormonism attempts to beat you into obedience. At some point, it triggers pushback and the slaves end up revolting.

I wasn’t going to give into a cult whose first, middle and last name was “Obedience is the First Law of Heaven.“ First of all, Mormon heaven is a myth, I don’t care how many cake layers it has.

Second, obedience has to be earned. The letter lost that battle from its first saber rattle.



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2018 12:27PM by steve benson.

I admire you for being able to disconnect. My father and I started to understand each other shortly defore he died. He could be cruel with the barbs, and he knew how to hurt.

In the end, we apologized to each other. I had been a religious prick, he was an absentee Dad. We were both coping with my Mom’s untreated mental illness and alcoholism. My very best, Steve.

It definitely triggers pushback. You can only beat a person so much until the slave realizes it has been through more hell than their false masters and starts a strong revolt never to be sent back to the plantation fields. Like Django unchained.

I watched it recently so it was the first thing to come to mind. Love that part when django is whipping his former master. Basically i am django and the GAs are the white guy is the first thing that came to mind.

Wow, Steve. I recognize those admonitions. You have my empathy.

Very enlightening and readable. And, I'm glad that you came out of it all in such a good frame of mind.

Unlike yours, my father rarely gave me the time of day, except to criticize me. And, no, I didn't know my father 'loved' me. Because of this, I felt I was 'unlovable'. (i.e., my fault.)

Although "Mormon" in name only, my parents never went to church--just something they inherited.

He enjoyed making people feel uncomfortable in his presence, with two exceptions. One, was a H.T. who was such a kindly, harmless old man, that he didn't have the heart to mistreat him.

And second, my future husband--who had a natural intelligence, which my father found unable to cope with (as far as ridiculing him went).

My father and I were very close. When I converted to Mormonism it put a strain on our relationship but I always respected him as my father and understood his desire to save me from Mormonism. I knew he loved me deeply as I loved him in return. After every heated debate we always departed exhausted but still united as father and daughter. The problem with his approach was that he relied on the knowledge of a local Lutheran minister to supply him with his "facts" . Unfortunately, for both me and my father, the minister didn't have all his facts in order and he also tried to use his Lutheran religious dogma to override Mormon religious dogma. That didn't work at all. Dad didn't try to save me from a religious standpoint. He just knew from his own common sense and gut feelings that Mormonism was not legitimate. My dad had an erie sense about such things and about people too. He was almost always right so I listened to him. But I was very young and had been converted with very little knowledge of the deeper teachings of Mormonism. I basically thought much of what Dad knew or felt about Mormonism was false because I really didn't know much myself. Dad didn't force science or academics on me. He just worried that I was getting sucked into a cult and might be seriously in danger. I loved him for caring so much and could never follow the advice of some Mormons who advised me to cut myself off from my Dad. He would have been crushed had I done so and I would have been a fool to push away someone who only had my best interest at heart. In the end Dad realized that he had to let me choose my own path and he surrendered gracefully.

To this day I wish my Dad had lived long enough for me to tell him his instincts were spot on and that I admired him for letting me learn the truth in my own time. I always knew he wanted only the best for me and could never be mad that he was criticizing my faith.

I can see your dad and you had a similar relationship. My dad was agnostic. He didn't know whether or not there was a God but he did respect some of the moral values taught through the vehicle of religion, even the Mormon religion in some ways. I'm grateful my father was not religiously hard core or it might not have been so easy to get along with him.

I just don't understand how a religion can teach that one should reject a loving and caring parent just because his beliefs diverge from yours. Had it not been for my father's love, support, and honesty I doubt I'd be who I am today nor have accomplished the things I've done in my life. We both agreed that as far as my mission was concerned, "At least I learned a second language" as he put it. Mormonism didn't take much from me other than an awful lot of money and a lot of time with my father that I'd rather have spent discussing life, art, and philosophy rather than religion.

Maybe I understand in some small way how you felt about your father, Steve. It was just that my experience was yours in reverse. I don't have any feelings about an afterlife but if there were one I'd sure like to tell my dad I appreciate all the effort he put into getting me out of Mormonism and your dad would probably like to tell you how glad he was that you saw the light when he could not. Oh, well.

Thank you so much, Steve, for sharing such a poignantly personal letter from your father.

While definitely a plea for you to remain true to all things Mormon, what stood out to me is that he put much thought into everything he suggested you do, as to the readings he suggests you study, and the quotations he cites, all relate to your paper and, above all, his love for you comes through loud and clear. This makes me wish I had saved any letters from my father, who passed in 1989. While not numerous, he did write to me maybe three or four times while I was in college and I felt his love for me, which was not frequently expressed prior to my going off to school.

Yes, a bit preachy, but very personalized as to your situation at the time, and again, I felt that his love for you was stressed throughout. I'm glad that you had the opportunity to have extensive talks with him when you visited them in Salt Lake.

Again, thank you for sharing something so personal. Your father, despite being so entrenched in the church, sounds like a very decent, kind, and loving man.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2018 11:16PM by cinda.

I would guess most of us were once in the same mindset as your father.

Im glad I grew out of it.

Actually - i felt pity for your father reading that tome that seemed emotionless!

Pity that the Benson clan for the most part was so deep in the Morg, it built an arrogance of righteousness via legalism that tied then into a cultic Gordian knot!

Steve I am so happy you did not become a strand in that knot!

For much of my teen years, it was the other way around for me. My dad was the inactive/non-believer, and I was the arrogant, scripture-wielding, self-righteous jackass trying to coerce him back into the cult.

He was very patient and understanding with me, even when I was a total ass to him because that's what the church taught me to do to "not valiant" members.

After my mission, when I left the cult, we really finally connected. I apologized for being an idiot, he told me there was nothing to apologize for -- he knew I just had to grow up and find things out for myself. We had a great relationship the rest of his life. My older brother (still TBM) never really connected with him, and remained judgmental of him until he died. My younger sister started out like me, judging him for his lack of mormon obedience, until she left the cult and reconnected much like I did.

Perhaps most interestingly, as he lay in the hospital dying after several strokes, it was his two "infidel" children there with him. The TBM child (older brother) was nowhere to be seen. He considered dad's illnesses to be "punishment" for his evil ways (drinking beer! Oh the horror!), when in reality they were largely genetic (my paternal grandfather died at 70 after nearly lifelong heart issues & several strokes, never having touched alcohol).

Steve, your story resonates with me, and reminds me of what a jerk I was as a believer -- but also that we can love and appreciate family no matter what their beliefs, as long as they love and accept in return. Thanks for sharing it.

One of the hardest things to realize, if you've been raised
Mormon, is that a "testimony" is not anything real. It's just a
decision that Mormons make to believe no matter what. Basically
it's a decision to stop caring what's really true.

A "testimony" is less than worthless.

In this case, however, my dad was very sincere--but very wrong.

I have met many TBMs and leaders in many wards and stakes and can identify very few that would write something so 'brainwashed' as this quoting scripture, etc.!!!

Something like this kind of mentality would have driven me away from the church sooner also!

Steve,

Reading your Dad's letter made me want to cry. He obviously loved you very much, and wanted the best of everything for you.

How sad that the Mo-church had its nasty, voracious little hooks sunk so deeply into him.

"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil — that takes religion."

(Steven Weinberg, physicist and Nobel laureate, in "A Designer Universe?")



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2018 01:07PM by steve benson.

Steve, what I find most striking about this letter is the sheer length of it.

IMO this was not just an attempt to muzzle you and change your thinking. Your dad must have felt that you were in a position to potentially have a lot of influence over others, in part due to your family name.

He was right about that! lol

I should know that since that’s what some of my critics say about my own posts. :-)

I can relate to this thread - was raised in a similarly strict Mo household.

At one point in my life, a letter like that would have influenced me - back when I was a young teen or even early 20s.
Now it would be so far over the top, and almost laughable.

I have always and still admire your ability to stand up for your own beliefs and critical thinking.

It must be wonderful to have a father that cared so much to write such a long and pleading letter.

My father was different. Active his entire life he didn't take his religion too seriously. But he was the most honest, caring and concerned man I have ever known.

Thank goodness for caring fathers.