as I have been by my own family once I explained to them that the church isn't true.

Some quick background.

I was a very mormon, very boring, husband and father.

I have 4 children, am approaching 50

When I say boring I mean it. I work, I keep my head down and have really never had any serious problems with anyone in my life.

While mormon I felt that I was respected especially by my family. My parents got a big thrill each time I moved up the calling ladder.

About 1 year ago, all my shelved doubts came tumbling down and a backed away from the church and then gave up my calling.

About 6 months later out of pure respect, I gently explained the problem to my family.

Since then, I've been maligned and slandered by my own parents and siblings.

They've evidently talked amongst themselves and made some statements and then decisions as to why I lost my faith.

Now I'm being told by extended family members that I'm addicted to pornography, in need of counseling for severe depression, and that I was hiding my true thoughts all along because I was too lazy and timid to tell the truth.

I've heard that the church members won't let you leave the church with your dignity but I didn't expect this.

Am shocked and so sad about it.

Discussed what I'd heard with my parents last weekend and both confirmed that people who leave the church have mental problems and/or have a serious problem related to sex or other dishonesty.

I asked in all meekness if there wasn't any room in their minds for the possibility that the reason could be much simpler?

The church is just a church and not "true" in the mormon sense and they both sneered simultaneously.

Feel like this is how all mormons feel even if they don't say it.

I feel for you. One thing to consider is their irritation at you changing. You might be having one of those midlife ahha moments and now seeing the church more for what it is than what it claims to offer you in life?

Some families (mine included) can't adjust to these well.

I was the most devout in my family. In fact, in all of my extended family on my dad's side. I wasn't rude or disrespectful to those members of my family who didn't think like me. This was MY journey, not their's. Three of my siblings left before I did--in their teens. I left over the gay issue and the long process of dealing with a gay/straight marriage. Still dealing with it.

My parents listened since they weren't too terribly mormon. My mom was more so than my dad. My dad was more upset in terms of my life seemed to be going better while I was active mormon. My ex had left me and my life was a mess when he thought this. Then he found out why I left and some of what happened. Then he started telling me his problems with mormonism. My mother told me I could be spiritual without being mormon. She always considered me her most spiritual child.

Thankfully, I got off easy in that area of my life. My youngest brother told me my parents were more upset by what happened to my life than what others in the family had gone through as I had been their most devout. Never ever thought I'd leave.

This brother used to tell me that now he knew I didn't believe, I had given him permission to completely let go. He had been inactive since his teens. Most of my family is out. Only 1 grandchild who is active mormon and that happens to be my daughter. Of course. She hasn't made it easy. We are getting along right now, but we've been through a lot, which is what keeps me on this board, dealing with my TBM daughter.

If you read here long enough or go to the biography board and read stories, you'll find so many others in your situation. I've read some very sad stories on here of how people have been treated by their families. Some men have lost their wife, children, and extended family. I think (word finding difficulty here) that the man who had his second anointing, is it Tom Philips? lost his kids, too. They've turned on him.

Keep reading. It at least is nice to know others get it. This board has helped me keep my sanity many, many times.

You might listen to John Dehlin's podcast when he talks to "Tom Phillips." It is 4 hours, but worth every minute of listening.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2018 02:08PM by cl2.

Your sentiments are shared by many here who've gone through what you are now.

Your family belongs to a cult. You have managed to find your way out for whatever reason.

It's a mixed blessing. You don't wish to divorce your family, but their behavior is odd, not yours for questioning your religion and deciding there is a better way for you.

Theirs is the Mormon mantra way. A cult is a cult is a cult.

It may take years for you to be able to really feel free from TSCC. Still, be authentic. You don't want to live a lie. You are a father and a parent first and foremost. Your children are your priority, not your parents. You don't want them to continue living inside a cult for the rest of their lives, do you?

Right now I simply take the stance that the core books (mormon and abraham) aren't "true".

It really doesn't take much at all to see that.

That is the truth and whatever follows from that must follow from that.

I can't pretend like President Nelson is actually a prophet based solely on the fact(s) that these books are modern not ancient.

It appears their is a storm of emotions that arise from that position being made public. Emotions, assumptions and misunderstandings.

My children were growing up when I discovered the fraud that is TSCC. We learned alongside each other.

When we left, we went together.

One of my children chose for a high school essay topic the Mountain Meadows Massacre to write about. I had little information about that event prior to then. Anything unfavorable to church history is not taught in Sunday School, Sacrament, or youth meetings.

It was another eye opener.

There is so much actual history that doesn't jive with the church's official version, that in itself is telling.

A) No other successes or competences in life can make up for being Not Mormon.

B) The reason for being Not Mormon must be personal failing on your part. It can't possibly be that Mormonism is a defective product.

This is basically the Mormon equivalent of Catch 22.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A) No other successes or competences in life can
> make up for being Not Mormon.

This is the one that got me. I was and am very happy being out of the church, but no matter what I achieved in my personal or professional life, my Mom and Dad would not recognize it. I could have won the nobel prize, but it wouldn't have mattered. All success is canceled out by not being a TBM.

One of the more annoying traits of Mormons is trying to argue with adults about a decision already made.

I once decided to go to Europe for 3 months and the Relief Society actually tried to argue with me about why I could not leave and had to fulfill my "calling".

As if any explanations were necessary. Stupid cult.

The standard answer for a person leaving the church is almost always pornography.

I read a speech by George Q Cannon given in the early 1900s and he stated the reason 90 percent of the people leave is "lust in their thoughts."

The church can't handle any other explanation.

"

How are your wife and kids taking it? Do they also see you as less-than now? Or, do they see the LDS church as false also?

She has 3 sisters. All 3 have approached her and asked whether our 20 year, and what I thought was a happy marriage, is going to survive. One told her that this usually means the end of the marriage and hinted that she should start thinking about that.

My children.

Am very close to all 4. All 4 are seeing the situation as one where Dad needs to be protected. Am yet unsure about any of their own thoughts about the religion itself although we've had several conversations much to my wife's chagrin.

My youngest two are in Mutual and I've made it clear to them that I don't want them to have any conversations with adults without my presence or their Mothers. Not just the sexual issues but the manipulation that is attempted, is already rearing it's face. I've realized that these leaders actually think they are better suited to counseling and even raising your children than you are, when you've gone rogue.

homeandhappy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've realized that these leaders
> actually think they are better suited to
> counseling and even raising your children than you
> are, when you've gone rogue.

I've been through this. You or your wife needs to let them know their boundaries.

Good for you for protecting your children. This won’t be easy for any of you, but they’ll look back and be grateful you stopped those interviews.

So sorry to hear that. From what I've read here, it is very difficult when your wife is still a firm believer. I was lucky that my wife resigned with me, so I can't give you much advice. I just know the road ahead will be difficult on many levels. I have had to be careful what I say to friends and relatives. I was amazed when my quite logical TBM sister dug in her heels when I told her about some of the problems with the cult. She was pretty disrespectful too. Since then, we just agree to disagree and don't talk about it.

Your children will continue to be indoctrinated and told to see you as an evil-doer. My only advice would be to take the high road and over time they may see the truth. Also, continue to talk with your kids. They will listen to you even if it seems they aren't.

TSCC was highly manipulative of one of my children when I was teetering on resigning. It was direct interference with my role as a single parent undermining my parental authority by pretty much strangers from the cult that led to our resigning when we did.

Evil bastards.

As a convert and TBM I never assigned much meaning to why someone would leave the church. Back in the day we just called them inactive because there wasn't a way to resign. I suppose I just thought they needed a break, got bored, or were tired and uninterested in fulfilling the many time consuming, repetitive obligations anymore. I felt that way myself many times but forced myself to stay active because I believed it all. I never would have assumed, when I was TBM, they were mentally defective, sinful, or in need of verbal correction. I actually believed in free agency as it had been taught to me as an investigator. Isn't that part of the Articles of Faith? I never asked anyone why they were inactive. I figured, and still figure, it's their own business. That's Midwestern values regarding religion.

As a missionary I saw many young converts leave the church right away because there were no members of the opposite sex to date and marry in the temple in their age range. I thought that was understandable and thought the church asked too much of them by saying they should date only Mormons.

My own sister was the first in our family who stopped going to church but I think she still believed, and maybe still believes, it is true. She just couldn't snag a husband at LDS,Inc. because there just were not any single men in the church in our neck of the woods. Whenever I've talked about the lies in Mormonism with her she keeps quiet. That's why I think she still might believe it but won't practice it. I've never given her any grief even when I was TBM. I don't think any of her children still believe. I'm not sure they ever believed at all because their dad is a never Mormon and possibly an atheist, although he was raised protestant. It's none of my business. But I wasn't raised in Mormonism and am not from the Mormon culture region where it has social consequences to leave.

Sorry you are going through this. Best I can suggest is that you get some non-LDS friends who will see you as normal. Most of my friends were always Non-Mormon so when I resigned they seemed relieved and glad for me. Heavily indoctrinated family will always see it as their duty to nag you back to the church unless they someday see the light too. Sorry!

Bishop pulled youngest daughter in his office. She was 14. He informed her that she wouldn't be with rest of family because I was questioning. She cried and then never went back to church. He ended up doing me a great favor.

I was pretty pissed when my daughter told me about it a couple years later. Probably better that she waited. Bishop would have had some serious explaining to do with me inches from his face.

I have NO respect for Mormon's and will (have told) tell them so to their face. They leave me and my family alone.

I think you’ll find that people who get their whole worldview thru the lens of Mormonism see other people (you)not as unique individuals but as confirmation of their worldview. If they agree with them, (you)they react in a positive way. If they don’t, then they (you) just don’t know the truth yet and must be converted. If you are not convertible, they see your worldview as having no value. Thus, you have no value as an individual. If you are an apostate, you not only have no value...you are a threat.

Mormons are indoctrinated to do name-calling for those that leave. This is characteristic of a cult. You can hear it in GD or Priesthood on many Sundays -- that Mormons who lose their faith are lazy, or offended, or wanting to sin. Nowadays they add porn addict to the mix. Your family is just following the (rather disappointing) script.

I would just tell them that you don't want to be affiliated with a church that engages in name-calling for those who leave. Tell them that members of mainstream Christian churches don't do that, and neither should they if they want to be thought of as decent human beings.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know it has to be frustrating and disappointing.

It's one thing for the cult to act that way. Because shunning is a two-way street when the rubber hits the road.

Family is a whole other matter.

Christian churches/people pray for those that leave, that is the proper Christian response, not childish name calling/shunning/threats etc. If Mormons believe in Jesus and that they are Christian throw it back at them that there name calling and immature childish behavior is not very Christian and they are commanded to love thy neighbor believer or not.

I left the Church at age 48. My TBM wife stayed Mormon, which I had no problem with. My very TBM mother tried to break up my marriage. She also blamed me leaving the Church on my Bi-Polar Disorder. I suffered a traumatic head injury in the Army. This caused me to eventually become Bi-Polar. I take medications and I live a normal life. I can work and my mood is mostly stable with very mild mood swings once in a while. I haven't had a major episode with hospitalization since 2001. It really offended me when my mom acted like I was not in my right mind and that's why I left. No, mom, I left because I found out that Joe Smith was a conman and the morg is a pile of bull-sh*t! It's amazing how awful your friends and family treat you once you leave the Cult. I really found out who my true friends and family members were. Only a few treated me with respect and didn't persecute or ridicule me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Yes--but...

At their worst, the Mormons have never mistreated us as badly as when we were members! The demands, forced callings, priesthood leaders breaking into our house to hit, kick, and drag my sons to meetings, never taking "no" for an answer, marginalizing me for being a single divorced working mother, yet pandering me because I could play the organ.

You will face ugly situations after you leave the Mormon cult. Don't take it personally (though it is very personal), but Mormons are fulfilling their own prophesies: Outer darkness, and separation from family. When I didn't suffer, like the Mormons wanted me to, they THREATENED me! They said that I would fail financially, that I would get sicker, that my children would fail in life, and that our family would break up, bla-bla.

Several groups of men came to my door late at night, in groups of two and three, when we were first inactive. The truth was, they desperately needed an organist. They even tried to manipulate me into teaching organ lessons for free in the ward (after the nasty way they were treating me--not!) When I listened to the nasty threats and looked at their faces, I realized that these creeps WANTED these bad things to happen to us.

DUH...it took me a while to understand that anyone who wants bad things to happen to you is your--(bugle fanfare)--enemy! I had to have a psychiatrist tell me that my brothers and sister-in-law did not love me, like they pretended to. Mormons think their rude behavior is "provoking one to righteousness" or "tough love." My psychiatrist says it isn't about the target (you) as much as it is all about them and their cult.

I no longer have any contact with the meanest of my TBM family members. I have limited, "walking on egg shells" contact with the rest. I try to concentrate on what we all have in common--family, fun, common interests, sports, movies, etc. My children and I don't drink or smoke or do any of the perceived "rebellious anti-Mormon" stuff. We believe in God and Christ, and put family and integrity first.

You seem like a "good" person. You let your integrity go ahead and shine! Don't back down. You don't have to criticize and complain, but just stand your ground that a lie is a lie, and that you refuse to support Mormonism.

Listen to your children. You don't need much advice on what to say to them, because the Truth is on your side. Children are wiser than Mormons think they are, and if you just listen, they will tell you that the different JS stories about magic rocks and golden plates don't make sense. They automatically cringe at the thought of Polygamy. They cower at the thought of "bearing testimony" and crying in front of other people. They naturally question authority. Not-yet-brainwashed children have a truer insight that your wife and sisters have.

Children are more likely to listen to their heart. If something seems creepy, they run away! Allow them to do this, and to tell you all about it!

Give your children the one thing the cult will never give them: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Accept them for who they are, encourage them, help them love themselves.

The odds are in your favor. Most children leave the Mormon cult if just one of their parents leaves. The cult knows it's in danger of losing all of your children and their future progeny (and their tithing money), and not just you. That's why their response is so very EXTREME, when members leave.

Unfortunate, H+H. It's a form of being "zeroed out" (worth a google)

Sounds like you (being the Rational Male) want them to change (i.e. walk their talk) -- but they won't.
Nothing can be done about that - doesn't matter how right, just, kind, magnanimous, meek, mild, giving, humble, self-deprecating, boring, generous a man is. It doesn't matter because there is no connection between following the script and obtaining reward (though we were told there is ---- it's propaganda)

Have you asked yourself: Gee, what do I want out of this.
More important by far: what do I want out of life-?
So you followed the script.
-- Have you put others first for so long you don't know who you are anymore?

This is a golden opportunity, ace.

First, I’m so sorry you’re being treated this way. Sounds like instead of loving you for you, they loved using you as a mirror that they could admire themselves in.

Second, on the good side, you aren’t boring anymore. Big smile. Now you get to read what you want. Do what you want. Change your mind. Form opinions.

Partly that’s what scares your family. Reassure them, but enjoy the journey.

Welcome to my life. They pulled the mentally ill bullsh#t on me when i was younger and it worked but it definitely won't work now. I am getting ready for the battle with my entire family i know they have been talking about me for a very long time behind my back and i don't think i can lay low anymore while i recover. Sh#t will hit the fan and they will try to pull every mental manipulation and guilt trip and mentally ill bullsh#t. Their entire belief system depends on holding me down and labeling me. If i beat them face to face and make them into the mentally ill people their world will crumble. The real truth is powerful and it isn't secret handshake death oath bullsh#t.

Even Mormon family

I am sorry that this is happening to you.

You do not need to put up with abuse. It sounds like everyone now knows where you are coming from. Now you are going to have to set limits and enforce the limits. If someone is rude to you (even if it is your parents) tell them that they are being rude and you don't want them to treat you that way.

If they continue, get up and leave. Wash, rinse, repeat. Do not hang around and be treated like a punching bag. You don't have to put up with their poor behavior. You also don't need to argue with them. They either treat you with respect or you cut them off. Ultimately, it is the only way that they are going to stop.

Again, I am sorry that this is happening to you. Learn some verbal and interpersonal jujitsu to protect yourself from these Mormons.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2018 01:46AM by nevermojohn.