I am a RM and I’ve been out of the cult for 15 years or so now and I was very angry with the church for many years. I still have some anger for the cult but my feelings about the cult’s missionaries have changed.

To me, they are drones being controlled by the cult and they are trying to do the “right” thing, they just don’t see the cult for what it is. I was in their shoes too.

If I were visited by the missionaries (it has been 8 years since I’ve even seen them in my neighborhood in the SF north bay area) I would invite them in and feed them. I would be up front with them and let them know that we can talk about ANYTHING they want to talk about BUT if they want to talk about the church then they will hear about it from my side too.

I have a feeling that treating missionaries with kindness can do more to help them out of the cult rather than challenging them on their beliefs in a hostile manner.

Like I said, I’ve only felt this way about the missionaries for the past few years. I think this may be a sign that I’ve reached some sort of peace with my crummy mormon past.

praydude Wrote:
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> To me, they are drones being controlled by the
> cult and they are trying to do the “right”
> thing...

I like how you put quotes around "right"; That shows a lot of insight. Growing up mormon sends their moral development on a detour at a very young age. By the time they're 18 they're way off course. A young mormon conscientiously going on a mission is not the same as a young nonmo going into, say, the Peace Corps.

> I have a feeling that treating missionaries with
> kindness can do more to help them out of the cult
> rather than challenging them on their beliefs in a
> hostile manner.

We actually need both kinds of action out there. If you feel your calling is for kindness, go for it, but what you call the "hostile" approach contributes to the cause too.

Browse the stories here and elsewhere and you'll see there are many different paths out of TSCC. Like in football, there are offensive and defensive squads and both are necessary.

You are kind, and have empathy, probably because you were once a missionary.

I can't take responsibility for trying to rescue any missionaries out of the cult. Their parents put them into that mess. I just want them to STOP stalking innocent kids, the elderly, people who are homesick, are isolated, who just lost a loved-one, or are in a life crisis. Stop playing on people's weaknesses in order to take their money from them!

I'm afraid that if we coddle the missionaries, feed them, give them symnpathy, etc., it will just encourage them to keep on going. They will feel that God directed US to give them help when they need it. They will be refreshed, and ready to go knock on the next door--which just might be someone you or I care about!

I like Cheryl's idea of hosing them. They will have to stop and change into dry clothes, and maybe skip our neighbors that we care about--and--as a bonus--leave us alone, too.

I'm just saying that being kind and compassionate can be its own reward. These young people are duped by a cult and if everyone treated them with kindness they might just snap out of the cult sooner.

What kept us in the cult? Insecurity? A desire to be loved? A desire to be accepted? We all wanted to be loved and accepted and we chose the cult for those needs to be filled - only to find that expecting the cult to fill that void inside ourselves is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

We all had to learn to patch the hole in our own bucket and fill it ourselves. The same is true for our missionaries.

No one is going to save them. Just like no one is going to save us. We all need to learn to save ourselves. We all yearn to feel that we are good enough and that we matter.

I'm saying just be kind and get to know them. Find out where they are from and if they have loved ones waiting for their return. I'm sure they will gush at the opportunity to talk to people who are interested in them. I'm not saying to use their loneliness against them or exploit them in some way. They have already had that happen to them many times over. I'm just saying be kind. If asked, let them know how you feel about their cult and that you are there for them.

Unconditional love is a rare thing.

I don't mind visits. As they are, I once was. As I am, they may become.

We're all selling something. I'm willing to listen, as long as they can take rejection if I'm not interested.

As for missionaries being controlled by the cult - who is the cult? It isn't just the leaders or the parents or the kids. It is all of them. Leaders offer what the members want, or they wouldn't exist. And if the church disappeared, people would move onto the next cult or scam that makes them feel warm and fuzzy.

I actually have more problems with the cult of statism. I don't believe in most government programs or wars, but somehow I am forced to pay for them. If I don't, eventually someone with a gun will come haul me off. Most of us have no problem with that, and believe it is good for us, yet are somehow afraid of the missionaries.

I hear you on this one. Well said. I feel like we all need to be kinder to each other. The missionaries are not the problem - the people at the top controlling everyone under them is.

Nothing wrong with trying to save or talk sense into them if it helps your recovery.

As for me, I have causes which better fit my talents and situation and don't sicken me.

A wise post, Praydude, as usual.

A lot of people need time and space to explore their doubts and overcome their cognitive dissonance. Encountering ex-Mos who have made the transition, who are at peace and welcoming rather than confrontational, makes it safer for at least the more contemplative missionaries to consider issues they have long suppressed.

Food and empathy are rarely the wrong approach when dealing with people who are trying to do what is right.

Wait until they knock at your door.

"Come In" Hansel & Grettle!

I'm here to eat, I mean HEAT, you up... some stew, of course.