I am not Mormon nor have I ever been. My parents aren't, my grandparents aren't. But even not growing up in the church I grew up in the church. When all your friends and everything around you is tainted by Mormonism, it's hard not to get sucked in by the culture. I spent my weekends at church-sponsored dances. Once I even got kicked out for dancing too closely with my boyfriend...good idea kicking a few horny teens out of a church dance.

I got married when I was 19 because that's what everyone else here does. I'm still very happily married 10 years later but I can admit 19 is WAY too young to get married. I just got very very lucky. Though I wanted to get married in Vegas, I bowed to the pressure to get married here in Utah in a Mo church by a Mo bishop. And of course we had to be married in the relief society room because we weren't good enough for the chapel. I am traumatized by how awful my wedding was. Neither my husband not I are believers but the bishop insisted on a long, boring speech about the proclamation on the family and a bunch of other stuff I completely tuned out. I feel sick that I don't remember by own wedding vows. I am a huge supporter of gay marriage and hate that at my own wedding he had to discuss the whole "marriage is a sacred convent between one man and one woman."

The whole thing felt like a funeral. There was no joy, happiness or laughter. My family was upset I was getting married at 19 and his family was upset he wasn't getting married in the temple. We had our reception in the basketball room and it too was somber and awful. I didn't even know anybody who came because it was all the members of the ward, and they of course were just disappointed that this boy they had watched grow up was making the mistake of marrying me. Really I can't blame them for making my wedding suck because the final decision was all mine, but I was 19 and didn't know how to stand up for myself. Maybe someday we can have a "do-over."

When our child was born we of course refused to have her blessed in the church which was a huge point of contention. We are still frequently invited to church services and activities, and every time one of us gets sick we are offered a blessing. I am thankful that over the years they have learned to accept me and when we politely decline their requests they back off, but I do wish they would stop offering entirely. I know their hearts are in the right place and I try to appreciate that but it's very frustrating that they keep trying.

Sorry for the novel, and I hope you all don't mind me posting here. It feels really good to finally have a chance to vent my frustration to people who will understand. Thanks for being on the web. My husband finally decided to have his name removed after the anti-gay comments made by Packer and this site is a great resource to help him get started.

This is proof of how the Mormon church pushes its beliefs on everybody they possibly can, even nonmembers. Conform, conform, conform or you are the odd one out.

My first marriage was at 20, and I agree, I don't think our brains are fully developed for that kind of a decision and yet it is pushed in LDS culture. Marry quick and pop out the children asap...

You are more than welcome here. It is a great place to vent! :)

I'm glad you posted and pointed out how much harm the morg can do to non-members. I think they dished out more heartache to you than to many who were actually baptized.

My husband is also a neverm but the local mormon church and my mormon relatives have given him reason to suffer for many years.

I have read many stories about brief encounters with mormons that have sent posters here. Some have had recovery issues from living next door to mormons, from dealing with them on the job, or from having to deal with their policies or practices in business or in the state of Utah.

Once a student from France posted that he took a mishie to the hospital after a minor accident. The incident was over within an hour or two. But the next day the MP yelled at the student and threatened him, then for many weeks local mormons harassed him daily trying to coerce him take missionary discussions and attend the mormon church. So this guy from France had some recovering to do just from a brief chance mormon encounter.

You've suffered much much more than that. I hope posting here helps you. You deserver some support and healing.

I can't make sense of this:

"Really I can't blame them for making my wedding suck because the final decision was all mine, but I was 19 and didn't know how to stand up for myself."

Are you saying you really can't blame people for taking advantage of being submissive when you were younger? Really? You don't think that-- at any age -- you have a right to make your own decisions about your own wedding? So it's okay that the mormons co-opted your wedding because you didn't deserve to make your own choices?

You're not really saying all that are you?

Which just goes to show that I had no business at all getting married at 18!!! I was obviously still a child in most ways.

When I finally did grow up, I realized I did not want to spend my life with this person I married.

Sounds like you escaped that fate!

I'm not quite sure how to answer you, Dogzilla. Was I guilted and manipulated? Yes. But when it came down to it nobody forced me to do anything. I choose not to blame them completely because I know they weren't getting together and plotting "Let's do what we can to make her wedding a miserable experience she'll regret forever."

I thank the rest of you for your support. Nobody else understands the pain and regret and sorrow. Having interaction with the Mo church is a unique experience that not everybody can understand.

I realize I made a mistake in my original post...husband and I have been together for 10 years but only married for 8. Not that it really matters I suppose. The point is that we were TOO YOUNG. We might still have a loving, happy marriage but getting married so young is generally a poor idea. I swear I will lock my child up in the basement until she's 40 if she even thinks about getting married at 19!

How very sad. Didn't you know there were other churches around? Why did you choose the Mormon church as opposed to another one?

and the one his family still strongly favors.

That is correct. My in-laws are TBM and still live in the ward where my husband grew up. Getting married in another church would have been equally contentious as getting married at the courthouse or in Vegas. Plus it was just so easy and everything was free. I think that's how they suck you in...reception halls and judges cost a ton and when you're 19 and flat broke it's very appealing.

I remember when we started talking about eloping my mother in law was like "If your sisters can't watch you get married they'll be brokenhearted." Well apparently it didn't matter when they all went through the temple and their brother had to stand outside. Nobody cared about his "broken heart."

I had a similar wedding experience as you, except my DH was the nevermo and I had stopped going to church 2 years before. I was 20, my husband was 19. My family and friends were all TBM and it sure seemed like there was a lack of effort to make my special day just that. In fact, my TBM relatives caused a huge argument in the middle of the reception and I remember my wedding day as one of the worst days of my life. It took years before I could think about my wedding without crying. We have now been married 10 years. Someday, we would also like to have a wedding ceremony that is worth remembering. I am glad to hear that your husband had the courage to resign. :)