She smashed plates over my head, put soap in my mouth, and smacked me with a wooden spoon. She can go fuck off, don't care about a made-up holiday that forces you to achnowledge her. The badass knows violence not love. I think love is a made up thing.

My mother was abusive too. Physically and emotionally. But you know who's even worse? Those people who criticize me for not loving my mother. "But she's your muuu-thur! You should love her anyway!" They can go fuck off too.

Jane Cannary Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My mother was abusive too. Physically and
> emotionally. But you know who's even worse?
> Those people who criticize me for not loving my
> mother. "But she's your muuu-thur! You should
> love her anyway!" They can go fuck off too.

Yea i forgot about those people. Usually those people are relatives and in the mormon religion also. I am realizing this widespread trend of ganging up against the kid in that religion. Make him submit over and over until there is nothing left of him. I don't even submit to a person that "supposedly" suffered everything i did on a cross. What bullshit to control me at all times.

I find your honesty refreshing and healthy. There are those who would say that your mom abused you because she loved you. I call that total BS. Your mom made her bed... leave her to it.

"One should only pay for results, not for intentions."
--Judic West, from "The Buyers Guide to Selling"

There are good mothers and not so good mothers. I am sorry that your mother was abusive Adam. Some people aren't ready for the responsibility of parenting when they have kids and being abused is the worst thing that can happen to a child.

I had a pretty good mom who wasn't abusive but she did neglect us a bit as she seemed overwhelmed with life while I was young. Parenting is the single most important thing a person will ever do. Loving and properly nurturing a child into healthy adulthood is so important and takes a real commitment to understand and love the child, especially when it is difficult.

I feel that the church spends too much time trying to push "The Church is True" dogma and not enough on actually helping the members become great parents as well as helping them prepare for their financial futures and become all around more balanced people.

I think it does no good to hold a grudge against your mother though. I'm sure she realizes her mistakes and wishes she had done better. Healing the wounds when possible is best.

I can see how the religion hindered my parents a lot with how to raise children. My sisters are very strange. Nobody has a clue how to be a real parent in the religion. The religion gets in the way and takes first priority.

>
> Parenting is the single most important
> thing a person will ever do.
>

I would favor a variation: "Parenting is the single most important thing a person may ever do." It doesn't take away from the sentiment and allows us to feel good about monomanical individuals who left lasting legacies, but no children.

Point well made EOD. That thought crossed my mind when I wrote my comments but left it out so as not to be too long winded here.

Yes, please leave the 'long winded' to me!

Everyone is gifted at something although I always find your comments worth reading regardless.

You deserved better.

My mom could also be very mean. She thought she was teaching some kind of lesson whenever she did bad things like that to me. The only lesson I learned was that she hated me and that I'd be a better mother than that. I was but hopefully would have been a good kind mom without such bad experiences.

Who the hell ever made up these holidays anyways? Why is there not a son's day or daughter's day. Let's just get everyone to submit on every holiday year after year. It's like the mormon's came up with mother's day or father's day.

Good afternoon. My name is Jaxson. I too am a wooden spoon survivor.

Here ya go B.A.A., I found a t-shirt for ya - https://www.spreadshirt.com/this+badass+survived+the+wooden+spoon+men-s+t-shirt-D1100071295?view=D1

My mother would carry a wooden spoon in her purse for easy access when it came to beating us away from home.

One Mother's Day when I was a kid I refused to sing, "Mother dear I love you so..." during the Primary program at church. For not doing so, I was beaten when I got home. From then on I just mouthed the words.

My mother once told me that I turned out to be such a good person BECAUSE of the beatings she gave me. Ummmmm...I don't think so.

I could go on and on.

Jaxson Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good afternoon. My name is Jaxson. I too am a
> wooden spoon survivor.
>
> Here ya go B.A.A., I found a t-shirt for ya -
> https://www.spreadshirt.com/this+badass+survived+t
> he+wooden+spoon+men-s+t-shirt-D1100071295?view=D1
>
> My mother would carry a wooden spoon in her purse
> for easy access when it came to beating us away
> from home.
>
> One Mother's Day when I was a kid I refused to
> sing, "Mother dear I love you so..." during the
> Primary program at church. For not doing so, I
> was beaten when I got home. From then on I just
> mouthed the words.
>
> My mother once told me that I turned out to be
> such a good person BECAUSE of the beatings she
> gave me. Ummmmm...I don't think so.
>
> I could go on and on.

Holy shit is that a real shirt?

I think i just discovered my new clothing line to buy from.

Loved reading all the posts in this thread. Sad as the topic is, I completely identify with the mom issue. I never got beaten by a wooden spoon. My mom’s fave beating tool was a thin branch off the nearest tree or the ‘board of education’ (as she dubbed it) which wAs a 1/2” thick, long piece of wood. I remember as a child wishing she would die. As a ternager she would read my journal and rip pages out of it that she didn’t like, and I’d be punished for what I wrote. Stopped keeping a journal after a couple of those incidents. I worked my ass off to graduate HS a year early and moved out. Getting whipped with a belt when I was 16 was the last straw. My dad was the bishop and didn’t have a clue how psycho my mom was because he was never home.

"I love you like my own child!" suddenly takes on an ominous meaning...

There is no training required to be a parent. Oftentimes, ineffective and abusive parents are simply repeating what they themselves experienced growing up. Other parents realize that they need to do better than what they grew up with, and do.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

My mother kept a beating stick by the fridge. She used it on all three of her sons. I have one sister my mother would tie to a chair with rope. My sister would be left to work her way out of her bonds. We grew up with low self esteem and suffered in our relationships and our work. That bitch gets no Hall mark card.

donbagley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My mother kept a beating stick by the fridge. She
> used it on all three of her sons. I have one
> sister my mother would tie to a chair with rope.
> My sister would be left to work her way out of her
> bonds. We grew up with low self esteem and
> suffered in our relationships and our work. That
> bitch gets no Hall mark card.

I think i am barely getting a real self-esteem but it has taken a long time.

It wasn't thin and wimpy like the ones you see these days. It had substance to it, and it had coats and coats of varnish on it. You could probably have hit a baseball with it.

My mother used it for years, to beat the daylights out of me. After my father died, when I was 15, she grabbed it because we were fighting about something.

I snapped. I'd had enough of her and her nastiness. I grabbed the yardstick and wrestled it away from her, then broke it across my knee and handed her the pieces. I told her, "Don't you EVER raise a hand to me again." And stomped away. She never did.

I had a helluva bruise on my leg, where I'd broken the yardstick, but it was a worthy battle wound. More than half-a-century ago, and I can still feel the primitive joy of that victory.

We were never really close. What nurturing I got came from my grandmothers and from my Dad, before he died. When I was little, I had trouble understanding why there was such a thing as "Mother's Day" when my own mother was the worst enemy in my own young life. She was a very, very difficult woman.

Yes i too never understood why there was a mother's day or a father's day. It was like re-opening your wounds and memories every year. Acknowledging the monsters of your life every year like they are something special. Holidays messed me up and still mess me up pretty bad.

My Dad was one of the sweetest guys that ever lived. But way too often, he sided with Mother against me, because they believed in "presenting a united front" against the kid.

Not long after he died, Mother and I were fighting (as usual) about something, and I said, "I wish YOU had died, instead of Daddy!" I meant every syllable of it when I said it, but as a mother and grandmother now, I regret the hurt it must have caused. Although, in all likelihood, she was probably too drunk to remember it.

We've seen some great obits of late, written by or about those who were loved. This one is the flip side...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2419429/Patrick-Reddick-wrote-vicious-obituary-abusive-mother-unrepentant.html

captainklutz Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> We've seen some great obits of late, written by or
> about those who were loved. This one is the flip
> side...
>
> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2419429/Pa
> trick-Reddick-wrote-vicious-obituary-abusive-mothe
> r-unrepentant.html

Nice, i probably won't care that much when my parents die, i never got to live the life that i wanted very far away from them. I don't go to funerals anymore either. It's time they face the realities of death like i once did. No sympathy from me for sufffering and facing death without a hope in hell to come back. If i had to go through it so can they.

My two youngest sons fought incessantly. The result would be the youngest screaming, wheezing, and ending up in the ER under an asthma tent. On one ambulance run, Fire-Rescue warned us that they didn’t think he’d make it. It became that critical.

No discipline worked for the instigator brother, and I started spanking him for tormenting asthma brother. That didn’t change his behavior either. And the spankings got worse.

****

TEMPLE RECOMMEND INTERVIEW QUESTION: “Have you done anything to any member of your family that you needed to confess to a bishop?"

K--Yes
SP--What?
K--I spank my son horribly.
SP--The question is about sexual abuse.
K--No.
SP--OK, you’re fine then.

And the Stake President signed my temple recommend.

****

My friend was in similar straits with her children. She went to her bishop. He told her to read the Book of Mormon.


I made an appt with a non-mo therapist, and took my son with me. I laid it out. I said —I’m out of control. —I need help. —Im afraid of injuring my son.

The therapist helped us.

My son grew up. I asked him to … Please … Forgive ... Me.
He said, it’s all OK. I told him that hitting was NEVER OK !!!
That I didn’t know what to do, but that I loved him more than he could imagine.


And he forgave me.

What a wonderful post.

Thank heaven you were so resolute in seeking help. He probably realizes how much strength that took.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think love is a made up thing.


There's a lot of made up crap called love, and lots of nonsense wrapped around it, but love is a real thing. I hope you experience it someday.

But, yeah, the expectation we will love our mothers or any other family member simply because they're family can be stupid and dangerous. Some people don't deserve love.