Posted by:
Angel of Jesus
(
)
Date: May 16, 2018 07:12PM
Just in:
"President Russell M. Nelson just announced that he would be the first LDS Church President to retire, saying: 'I don't want to go the road of President McKay, or President Kimball, or President Benson. I don't want to have my Counselors slap some Depens on me and drag me into General Conference like Bernie in the film 'Weekend at Bernie's'. I can tell I'm gradually slipping into senility, and, so, while my brain is still relatively clear, I hearby announce my retirement. I also want to apologize to Elder Uchtdorf for dropping from the First Presidency. I can see now that was a mistake. I hope for his forgiveness. Now, the Church will be run by President Oaks. Won't be a party, but, hey, look at the bright side...he's a bit anal retentive, but at least he ain't no Boyd K. Packer. Let's be thankful for that. So, my brothers and sisters, I bid you farewell, as I wander off into the sunset, and finally take the path from which no traveler returns. If you think of my accomplishments as Church President in the future, think of the fact that I changed the name of Home Teaching' from "Home Teaching" to "Ministering". I will also consider that my greatest accomplishment on Earth; even more than my post doctoral work in heart surgery, which has no doubt saved millions by now. Brothers and Sisters, remember these last words: pay, pray, and obey. Amen" ("President Nelson shocks the LDS Community with his unexpected retirement announcement", The Salt Lake Tribune, 5/16/2018)