Date: June 12, 2018 06:22AM
This friend of mine and I have been friends since we were preschoolers. We went at BYUI together. He listened to plenty of my rants about Mormon culture before I lost my faith altogether. He didn't want to listen after that, but we remained good friends and hung out often.
He got married in Rexburg. She's a great woman. They have a kid. She's had doubts about the church before, but they said they worked through it. Still, she knew that my friend and I have that kind of relationship with each other where we talk about almost anything. She also knew I no longer believed. So she reached out to me.
She's my friend's wife, which is awkward on one hand because the whole time I was thinking about what he would think about me anti-ing his spouse. It's not like we were exchanging nudes or anything... just questions about the church. On the other hand, I noticed a human soul burning with questions about Mormonism, so I answered her questions, invited her into a postmormon Facebook group, and sent her some resources.
A few nights later, my friend invited me to go see a movie with him. I figured it was really about his wife's doubts. I was right. But we hung out like we always done did. He's a really passive guy, more passive than me. He did not sound angry at me. He simply said, "I saw what you sent my wife. Thanks for that."
I asked him how they were doing, and he didn't answer that question. Neither did he push the issue further. He changed the topic. If it was consuming his mind, he allowed it to slip away pretty quickly. But that's his personality type. I suppose I should assume that it is consuming his mind.
I've toned down my contrarianism to the church way down. I'm not a member anymore. I don't go to church. But I can be around my family and around old friends, and there's some semblance of normal again. Then something happens that reminds me how divergent my views on everything are now, and it makes me afraid to invite ire on my head again. I shrink away and mind to myself unless someone singles me out and confronts me about something.
I feel like a confidant for both my friend and his wife. I don't mean to set them against each other. I just try to be whatever each of them obviously needs without also being disingenuous about what I am. I'm not pushing an agenda on either of them. I'm just present for them. I'm not sure how to navigate this situation.