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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 01:05AM

Since it’s been a while since the first presidency came out with something truly prophetic, I have an idea for a new loyalty test. Something that solves the problem of the temple ceremony being all over the Internet. Since any schmuck with a smart phone can sneak past the sentinels, there should be an extra test. This is where temple anal bleaching comes in.

It’s drastic enough to be a sacrifice and circumcision is already taken, but it’s plenty prophetic enough. Plus, Mormons already know their shit doesn’t stink so they would appreciate the confirmation. What would Joseph have seen if Moroni had turned around? A shining bung hole, of course. Brighter than the noon day sun.

So, I propose adding the sign of the moon, to be presented to the lord through the veil, as a final test to enter the Celestial Kingdom.

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Posted by: captainklutz ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 03:31AM

OMG...I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.

Your only problem is that porn stars would be able to pass right thru.

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 04:47AM

Yeah, but they get a free pass. More wives for Joseph.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 03:35AM

"Yea, for thou shalt be white and delightsome, even unto thy very bung hole"

I know it's from the Book of Judic but can't find the reference ;-)

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 03:46AM

Ha ha. I recommend an IQ test with a two digit upper limit.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 05:00AM

Hahaha you crack me up. They would do that too.

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Posted by: azsteve ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 07:54AM

So if you need your smart phone to get in, what happens when your data connection fails?

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Posted by: jan ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 08:41AM

azsteve Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So if you need your smart phone to get in, what
> happens when your data connection fails?

You're trapped inside, never to be heard of again. Sorta like Charley on the MTA.

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 08:12AM

I shudder to think of what you may consider an immodest proposal.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 11:15AM

Upon reading the OP, I immediately thought of the blue-glowing, inside-the-lips tattoo the Wakandans have (see Black Panther if you don't get the reference).

The "shining bunghole" would be the mormon version.

I just wouldn't want to be the temple worker that administers the ordinance of the shining bunghole...

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 11:51AM

That would be Brother Cornholio's job.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 07:00PM

Elder Berry Wrote:
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> That would be Brother Cornholio's job.

Hahaha nice.

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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 05:37PM

Would be Uranus and Mormons can start baptizing the Klingons vicariously for the dead. Hie Unto Uranus with your new named white and delightsome resurrected rectum!

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 07:02PM

cricket Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Would be Uranus and Mormons can start baptizing
> the Klingons vicariously for the dead. Hie Unto
> Uranus with your new named white and delightsome
> resurrected rectum!

Rectum? D@mn near killed him!

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