Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: June 14, 2018 06:17PM
First, a friendly point: You don't have to quote an entire post to respond to it, BAA. Just hit the 'reply' option rather than the 'quote' option. Unless you want to quote the whole thing, that is.
You said:
>She [therapist] made me realize that maybe i should team up >with the god of the new testament to get through all this.
Please tell us that is not a direct quote from her. "Team up with the god of the new testament"?
It would seem to be more prudent to go to an objective therapist first. You could hopefully get recommendations for one who knows about cults and religious conflict without themselves having a horse in the race (i.e. don't want to get you into their faith brand; many people, therapists included, don't realize how damaging it can be to gloss over the effects of a traumatizing religion and go straight to another one). This is why sites like RfM can be of so much help - posters here know how it is to be Mormon as well as ex-Mormon. When you describe certain incidents at church, triggers as an exmo, things that bug you, etc, many will get you without much explanation from you, unlike taking an hour to recount one piece of info to a nevermo counsellor. (However, nevermos can be of tremendous help too, giving a different perspective on things).
As an aside, when I was a JW (joined in my mid-teens after I left home) I worked in a medical clinic where one of the MDs, a fervent born again Christian, was desperate to convert me to his beliefs. I attended church with him for a long time. Little did I realize how fundamentalist it was. Both things messed with my head, JW and BAC. Same thing after LDS. I headed straight back to an EV church. As I mentioned earlier, the minister there dived right into his Bible to de-convert me from Mormonism. (I was pretty much gone already after I left. That was my decisive step and I didn't need anything else to convince me to go). Interestingly, the first thing we discussed was the question of "authority". I spoke of the bishop's authority (for some strange reason; I can't remember why now). The EV minister replied, "We [Christians] get our authority from the Bible". It sent my thoughts in a different direction, which was good for me. That's what I mean about nevermos having different takes on things.
But you have to watch out it's not just someone with an urgent need to convert you. Even well-meaning people who don't have the expertise to understand about cults or fundamentalist-type belief systems are not necessarily the ones to go to in a situation like yours.
Objectivity plus knowledge. That's what I would look for. Humans do tend to skew towards recommending their own beliefs to "help" others, even trained psych professionals in many cases.
I stand by my advice from before: Do some quick reading yourself, as one step towards taking charge of your own recovery. Check out all the info available easily online re cult recovery. (I don't consider LDS or even JW to be cults in the strictest sense but many here do). It's amazing how even one insight, one thought someone writes, can be so enlightening and that leads on to more knowledge and steps towards self-recovery.
Of course, you still would do well to follow medical advice, which includes seeing a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist or other similar counsellor, if that is recommended and if it's helping you or holds the promise to do so.
It can be a long process, as others have said, but if you set meaningful goals and pay attention to small victories and celebrate them you can perhaps pay some attention to other aspects of life as you go along. Definitely don't put all of life on hold waiting for some magical recovery to arrive at a specific time. Many posters here have said they know from vivid personal experience that it doesn't happen that way. I've seen many replies to you lately saying that it's a long process but meanwhile life can go on.
> Doing things alone is just way too tough.
You have your medical team. You have your psych helpers. Your meds. Your medical treatments. Your roommate (for company, although he's got his own issues). Lots of well-intended support from people here (as I mentioned once before, more than I've seen almost anybody else receive, ever).
But. I would recommend you seek out other resources (the cult recovery online blurbs, recommended books by established experts) plus even other discussion boards that deal specifically with the issues most central to you. RfM is not necessarily the best place for daily check-ins re ongoing medical/psych treatment. All we can do here is give our personal experiences without specific medical advice. Often when someone is hurting they don't want to hear or know about another's pain. It can be counterproductive for all parties. There's a limit to what anyone here can say or recommend. Some of it is up to you to choose what will help the most, based on rational thinking though. So that would not include anyone with their own axe to grind, so to speak, like my MD pal or others through the years who want to fix me by taking me to church. It often does not answer the central issues. Adding more religion on top of toxic experiences, at least in the beginning, can be a big mistake.
> i'm just a man in physical pain trying to get out of physical
> pain.
A good indication of how there are several parts to all this. One, the physical. Two, the psychological. Three, the religious aspects. Four, ??
Seeing a religious counsellor will not diminish your physical pain, obviously.
Sticking with the medical team for the physical issues will be of most benefit, obviously.
You can't be in a rush, with all the many aspects of your situation, for a complete and instantaneous cure. Isn't going to happen. Maybe that's the first thing to accept. Maybe write out your goals and then check out how realistic they are. They might need adjusting. Such as going from "I want 100% pain relief" to "I would like to have less pain next week than I have now". Now, what can I try to accomplish that. Notice small improvements and celebrate them. Record them so on the bad days you can review them and save yourself from feelings of absolute hopelessness.
Psychosocial issues can cause perception of pain to increase (as I've said before). If some of those can be addressed (such as with your counsellors) it can have a positive effect on the level of pain you experience (i.e. money worries, health problems, family strife; check, check and check in your case).
It's not a rush job, Adam. There are many parts to it. Like reassembling a motor, you have to deal with each part individually and then as a whole. (Not that I know anything about vehicles).
Accept that some days will not be great but other days will be better.
From everything you have said, I think it would be helpful for you to (1) Find an objective therapist (in addition to or instead of the one you have now; I'm unclear on whether she is advising you to change to someone else). (2) Spend time outside, walking, seeing people, whatever you can do. Counter-intuitively perhaps, physical activity can help to decrease certain types of pain (when you can feel like rolling up into a ball due to pain but inactivity can actually increase pain). Being out and about can be psychologically positive, seeing the sunshine, scenery, people bustling around, someone holding a door for you or saying hello. (3) Try out other resources/discussion boards/web sites rather than only RfM. As I said, there is a real limit to what we can do here. It's not set up to be a medical discussion site. Also, when people are hurting (as are many who come here) it's hard for them to reach out too much or often to meaningfully support many others (although RfMers do a great job of it on an amazingly longstanding basis).
Bottom line is just be careful. Not everything a counsellor recommends is going to be the most beneficial for you. It's still up to you to choose what seems best for yourself.
OK, so not the bottom line - This reminds me of the time I was agonizing over something really really bad that happened to me at the EV church I attended post-Mormonism. I talked to a hospital chaplain where I worked. My sole focus was on forcing myself to go back to church, despite so much grief. I was feeling bad about myself for not attending, on top of feeling terrible about the incident that happened. (I have this thing I can't get rid of whereby I feel committed and then have mega trouble backing out of stuff). The chaplain's immediate question was revolutionary to me: "[Nightingale], why would you go back to the place that hurt you?" I still hear her saying that. A short sentence with a big impact. It helped me see things differently and it was a huge relief to stop trying to go back. It seems so simple and obvious I feel like a dolt even remembering how stuck I was on the notion that I must return. Of course, that was not the case. So I didn't and that was the biggest healing measure I could have taken at that time.
So, I ask you, Adam. Do you think it sounds like a good idea for you to delve into the New Testament expecting such a detour to improve your psych health at this point? First, you could disappear into study of the NT for eons. {{jk}} Second, immersing oneself into the thing that caused problems in the first place could magnify the psych and other issues arising from the bad experiences.
If you want to go ahead with that kind of "therapy", I would make sure it's with a qualified person who understands from a medical/psych perspective how cults or cult-ish groups can hurt people.
If s/he tries to get you to attend church or be converted or sees everything through their particular religious lens, think about whether continuing on with them is likely to benefit you.
I am not anti-religion. (Of course, because I'm still a Christian). Just cautious when it comes to health matters. I would go with a neutral expert every time.
I have just been through a family experience where too many cooks did indeed spoil the broth, as in a multitude of doctors were involved in the care of a relative but the MDs didn't coordinate with each other and that delayed appropriate care to the point of causing severe harm.
That exceptionally difficult experience gives me the last bottom line for you today: Think about how many people you need to be involved in your psych issues. Maybe two is perfect or maybe you need more, all with different specialties. Or maybe you only need one, depending on which issues are paramount. Maybe someone IRL can guide you in that regard.
And just as I've said about being cautious re immersing oneself in the world that caused the pain in the first instance, sometimes being online, or on too much, discussing it over and over can keep the hurt on the boil and give it undue prominence. Think about that walk, the park, the beach, the mall, anywhere you can interact in the real world, despite pain, so you can get into a different space, physically and mentally. It's good to clear out the cobwebs regularly.