Im a guy, 30-something, married with kids. My wife is still very much a believer, as are my friends and family. I feel so alone in my faith transition. I really want to go to the Sunday exmo meetup to hopefully meet other people who can relate to what Im going through. The problem is I am very much am introvert. It is extremely difficult for me to just walk up to people and start sharing my story. That isnt me and I have to be myself. Im afraid that if I go, even just to listen, I will appear standoffish. Yet i also dont want to feel forced to “participate.” Thats one of many things i disliked about church. I can play the part when I have to, like in my career, but that isnt personal. When it comes to something real and sensitive like this, Im not sure how to approach it, especially as a man. It seems like generally male relationships tend to be superficial and I need a friend that I can be real with. I realize not one can do this for me, I have to step up. But how? Does anyone else feel this way?

It's common at meetups for new attendees to sit back and watch at first. Hopefully, someone will draw you in to the conversation and you can tell as much or as little as you choose.

I think you'd find it helpful to sit and listen even if you don't feel like jumping in right away. Good luck.

I doubt exMormons would judge you for being quiet. The only problem I've had at meet ups is that some people want to spend a lot of time disproving the Bible or the BofM. SSSSSSnnnnnooooze.

When that happens, I'm usually the one who creates a side conversation by asking the quiet one how long they've been out.

It's scary to join a group for the first time, but I'd totally recommend an in person event if you can make yourself do it.

I have a feeling you will feel right at home, have much in common with, and have no regrets whatsoever.

At least you won't be that jerk who tries to monopolize the conversation by telling stories about how, when, where and why he left the church...like me.

If you go to a meeting where I'm present, you won't get a word in edgewise!

The So. Cal Exmo group is very chill. You can talk or listen ,

or both... its relaxing and feels good to be with other exmos.

It really does, we all have something in common and we can

say just whatever we feel like saying.

Are there any groups like this in AZ? I would like to go to a meetup.

There is a large F-acebook group called Phoenix Open Mormons. They have some face to face meetings. I left that group because the fence sitters were driving me crazy. (I was one--maybe that's why it bugged me.)

There's a secret group called Outer Darkness which has regular meetups. They are a wonderful group of about 700 super out ex-ers. I requested to join that group without someone to vouch for me. I met my best friend through that group. Great people.


I'd be happy to help you get connected. Not sure how that works on this forum.

Is the Outer Darkness group local to Arizona, or are their sections other places? Im in Utah Valley. In my original post I was referring to the Harmons meetups on Sundays, but Id be interested in others too

I am not on Facebook or any social media. I guess this forum is considered social media by definition. I am at the age where I am not really interested in joining Facebook, etc. Are my options limited because of that?

OP, you won't be the first who feels/is that way. We are a safe group. Absolutely no expectations, no pressure. Stay as long/short as you like. Just simply meeting others in real life who are going through a similar journey can be a life saver. Come on out. (Harmons)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/16/2018 11:24AM by Bite Me.

Outer darkness is only in Arizona. Maybe the admins could give you my email. We could have our own meetup or I could get you info for the once a month coffee or once a month lunch with the group.

The one in St George is very chill. You listen to a speaker in a large group setting once a month. If you want to schmooze after the meetup, you can. It isn't required. You can be as social as you like. Or not at all. It's suited for all personality types.

You'd blend right in.

Exmo groups are refreshingly real. People have dropped their goody-two shoes masks and are eager just to know each other honestly.

My experience is that many exmos are introverts. I believe introverts tend to sit back and observe. It is harder for them to play the role of active, outgoing, "everyone's a missionary" member.

Go sit on the edge. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how comfortable an exmo group can be.

Don't go to a meetup. There might be Atheists there !

When is the next meetup at Harmons and hoe do we get notified?