Long time lurker here. I found this board about 8 years ago when I was questioning the church. My first time here felt like a sin but my mind was opened up to so much I didn't know about the church.

If I saw this board today for the first time, I probably would have left thinking damn those exmos are pretty screwed up. scrolling through the topics today, I see little left of that former board.

The board changes depending on the mix of people posting at any particular time. The main thing is to be here for people who are at various stages of recovery. And I still see a lot of compassion for those people.

It's calmed down a lot. the lgbtq stuff from Obama's time is old news now.

What kind of "stuff"?

I sort of get that, sort of don't.
Yes, there are a fair number of "nothing to do with mormonism" threads. Although many of them have to do with recovering from the imposed ignorance and indoctrination of mormonism, if you dig into them.

Then again, on just the first page, there are threads on:

"Winston Blackmore sentenced..." (polygamous mormon offshoot sect)

"Mormonism is just like the lottery"

"BOA Essay Conclusion Broken Down"

"Names for temple work being recycled"

"Is Mormonism a psychological disorder?"

"Family history work led me to an uncomfortable truth"

"Why religion persists"

...and many more.

Do you think there's too much noise and not enough signal?
I'm curious :)

Blackmore is a fundamentalist Mormon polygamist. He is carrying on in the way of JS, BY et al.

That is very much on topic, no?


Edit: Oh wait. I misread your post, hie. I thought you were including that list to indicate off topic subjects. On second read, quite the opposite. Sorry hie!

Unless I'm even more confused than I feel?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2018 06:10PM by Nightingale.

No apology needed. You're aces, Nightingale! :)

"Yes, there are a fair number of "nothing to do with mormonism" threads. Although many of them have to do with recovering from the imposed ignorance and indoctrination of mormonism, if you dig into them."

As a nonmo who researched why mormons act they way they do to nonmormons, specifically the way they acted towards MY kids, that's why I am here.

People who feel any type of kinship, come here to "talk", w/the anonymity afforded here...which is both good and bad.

I personally like some of the nonmormon topics...and don't dig into the topics I am not interested in. I appreciate the diversity of thoughts and people here.

Eric and gang...keep up the good work..

I've been on here for 20 years and completely agree. I didn't need "recovery" from mormonism, but I do find the BB entertaining and I honestly try and be helpful when I can.

The dynamic lately is a few posters dominate the BB with their views and issues, or stating the obvious like its something no one has ever thought of, then the rest of the thread is an argument over their dysfunction, peppered with self replies that take the thread no where.

If I really needed recovery, there are many here I would look to for advice, but that all gets buried under the shenanigans of a few. In that respect, I wouldn't look here for anything substantial....too much crap to sift through and no end in sight. Too much personal venting and whining going on to aid those that really need it IMO. And those that seem to need it the worst, simply won't take the advice.

That's all fine and well too, just making an observation.

I too have been here a few years and I've always believed that too many people take it too serious and need to lighten up more.

When I first found RfM 20 years ago it was place where someone could go to actually seek answers to questions (the poster Deconstructor was a HUGE help to me at the time), and to share common experiences that might help others in their recovery. Posters shared their pictures (is there still an RfM picture sharing link?), every now and then a recipe thread (I still use a killer “Cream In Your Jeans Brownies” recipe provided by a poster named Wags), and It actually felt like being part of a “community”. There were no political threads and not as many “crazy rant” threads by whiny snowflake types. Unlike today, the “crazy rant” posters were allowed to be called out by others. Now-a-days, the “crazy rant” post stays while those calling them out are deleted. Go figure.

It is amazing to read of others on different sites who began their exit from Mormonism here on RfM. Where this board was once productive, because of the culture now, it is perceived as kind of a joke by other similar type boards.

Over the years I have come and gone from this place. Where before I was drawn here, now I just pop in from time-to-time to see if there is anything of interest brought up. I have found my time here steadily decreasing though, and like Jonny the Smoke, I view this board as “entertaining” and I try to be helpful when I can. Oh, and I like to call out bullshit when I see it. Still, I long for the days of the past when this board was a more than just “entertaining”.

I second that.

Wait, you think we're screwed up?

Don’t worry, the admins offer a full refund.

Nice.

Start threads you DO have interest in. Be proactive.

Tell us how you are doing.
What have you done to make changes in your life?
Share what has worked for you.

I find it kind of depressing when people complain about the board.

Something else we can blame on Obama?

LOL! It's his fault, I'm sure of it. He probably invented Mormonism.

If Obama invented mormonism, I'm sure he'd be white by now :)

You're probably right, except he might be a secret lamanite.

Long Time Lurker x8 years...hey me too. It has been almost 10 years for me since I was a Mormon (after 40 years). This forum, Eric, et al, have been absolutely invaluable for me in my recovery. For example, in the beginning, I could not face a Mormon at the fitness center, on the street, supermarket, etc. I felt so inferior (I don't know why), but now I feel so empowered and knowledgeable. This board is absolutely amazing. I can keep abreast of all the happenings of Mormonism, the dark doctrines of Mormonism, the money that is Mormonism, etc.

Eric is amazing, and a great example of a having an interesting and fulfilled life post Mormonism. I have visited other forums, but this one is the best. I don't see that it has changed that much at all.

Thanks for sharing. I've been here only three years, but have been out of Mormonism for over a dozen years now, and counting.

I'm so glad for this forum. My issues with Mormonism didn't stop when I resigned. It's the gift that keeps on giving when half my family is still in it. And the meddling with my family during and post-Mormonism didn't stop when we left in 2005.

Eric and this site provide a valuable service to those who have a place to vent. Some of the things I've been able to share here about my dysfunctional Mormon family and ward hussies wouldn't be able to share elsewhere. It feels good to have a place to do that.

Even other churches/sects despite knowing COJCOLDS is a cult, aren't equipped to have an outlet for recovering ex-Mos.

Amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Even other churches/sects despite knowing COJCOLDS
> is a cult, aren't equipped to have an outlet for
> recovering ex-Mos.

Absolutely true.

It's good to read that many people find what they need here. Many great people through the years have put time and effort into supporting, advising, crying, laughing and walking with people they will never meet, just from the goodness of their hearts.

That's partly why I never say "all Mormons" are terrible people. All these exmos were Mormons at some point. They didn't suddenly become totally different/better just by leaving. The kernels at least must have been there all along.

Most people here think they are recovered for some reason when they clearly have issues like I do that's my observation.

It depends on your definition of 'recovery'.

And recovery from what? Mormonism - maybe. Life stuff - maybe not.

Everybody has issues.

Everybody hurts.

Life is not for the faint of heart, it would seem.

Hope all is well. :)

I always read your posts and keep up with your goings on.

Nightingale Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It depends on your definition of 'recovery'.
>
> And recovery from what? Mormonism - maybe. Life
> stuff - maybe not.
>
> Everybody has issues.
>
> Everybody hurts.
>
> Life is not for the faint of heart, it would seem.

Life is to get your @ss kicked and nothing more.

Maybe the site hasn't changed over time as much as the posters point of view has changed as they transitioned out of Mormonism.

At first you see all the small things that helped us overcome, and now the old problems seem ridiculous. Congratulations! That's what RfM means. Recovery.

That's a really good point.

I wonder if people leaving the church now have different problems and hence don't address what used to obsess us. It would make sense given that Mormonism isn't the same as it was; now there is less focus on doctrine, which people don't take very seriously, and more on strict obedience.

I come from the perspective of a 19/20 year old convert from several generations of moderate, relaxed Christianity. I'd be hard pressed to find the Bible in the home.
I grew up with the adage: "It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind." And I did - about religion.

It was never about recovery for me. It was about taking my power back and owning it. Deleting the religious thinking scripts that I had accepted and creating my own World View, learning how to be the authentic me.

The older I have become, the more I have given myself permission to change my mind about a lot of things: people, politics, religion, various subjects, etc.

I've been around this board since shortly after it's inception. There is one constant. The board changes as the posters change.

I've posted hundreds of posts over the years, coming and going as "the spirit moves me" as I like to say.

Some of you have read my treatise on how I stayed married to a believer. Fortunately, I was able to manage those rocky waters as I had a good partner who understood the rights to our beliefs. He knew I was a young convert as we married when I was a member for a year. All of my children have now left the LDS Church, starting many years ago, some before I left and one hold out, (real pisser!), after I left.

The board has been a reliable support, and great source for information, and humor. I'm a big believer in the healing power of humor, lightening up, not taking it all so seriously, and having fun!

At this point in my life, Mormonism is a non-issue. I live my life on my own terms, at my own speed, and if I must have some teaching principles, I rely on Universal Truths. What's not to like about: Love One Another, and the Golden Rule. I'd adopted a simple motto:"Make Nice".

I gained the confidence I needed by reading other people's life experiences, their research, and their trails to make my own decisions about my World View, which at this point, has no need for religion, in any form. I really like it, that way. So much easier and simpler.

The old adage is still true: you find what you are looking for!

I have some mixed feelings; Deconstructor is mentioned fondly, and having met him several times (along with Benson), I can tell you he's the real thing, and pretty much all of the folks I've met in real life (that includes most of the ADMIN) are compassionate and insightful.

Then there are those who get the old road rage boiling, of course, but having heard from Eric's mouth that this board exists for the newer sorts, I've learned to take care of myself and realize, as I've stated before, that the LDS culture is generally a very toxic one,

Cabdriver Wisdom: This probably isn't the sort of site where you will meet your next great romance, honest.

This board has helped me set aside a lot of the isolation and resentments I endured growing up here, and for that I'm grateful. I hope I've been able to share my knowledge of history and science in manner that has been helpful.

What I like best about this site is everything!

Been in and out of here on an erratic basis since '07. I don't even remember what the original screen name was. Never made any friends here along the way, either.

The journey out has been like that of a fellow taking a long walkabout, with a large pack. Along the way stuff in the pack just keeps getting tossed until one day the pack is empty, and the pack is not worth keeping for it too is beat up and not worth its thread. Coincidentally, the old memories just don't seem all so relevant and take on a surreal quality, as though it was another life. The metaphor is when you're young a lot of things seem very important and of great moment. As you get older they are less so, while the very basic things like patience, tolerance, and empathy become more central. OTOH--getting older makes me less tolerant of BS, while striving to be long-suffering with the BS'er. The young crowd are always most vocal and identifiable by what pisses them off and how they write about it.

Few of my siblings know I left. My kids know, and perhaps the ex. But I've not told any of my friends I had then. One of them I asked after several decades of disconnect, why he befriended me when we first met. He said we were misfits, and always admired my go-my-own-way, rebel nature. When he told me this he also said he had just given up his hi-powered finance world to work for the Church. I felt sorry for him, but he seems to be happier than he was before.

For some period of time after I gave up the Pat-Bless crap, I wondered what I could say of my life. Then one day it came home to me. The best a person can do is be the brightest lighthouse they can. Wherever we are in life, our shoreline is different than anyone else's, for all the similarities. Alerting others to the path of safe harbor by illumination is the most useful help we can give. I've always felt since cub scout age, that everyone knows what is right or wrong, and how to navigate their life. In that respect prophets are a crutch as is religion. So I figured sharing what mistakes and misconceptions came my way was the best way to empower their navigation.

Gawd, when the membership dept sent me that flier with Hinckley and fakirs on it I knew I had done the right thing. Men in Black, and totally foreign to the Man they claimed to know. Such money-grubbing hypocrites. Anyway, the process out has been like recovery from a colonoscopy. A lot of intestinal distress until the giant fart makes its exit. Then peace and well being.

Well said, JB.

I like the Lighthouse analogy. There are shoals and reefs in life that people need to know about; pay it forward!

jb Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
Loved your analogies. I tend to think in analogies also. I like the way they get the point across!
Thanks for that post. I could relate to a lot of it.

Thank you for that gift. My brand of crazy religious upbringing had a different name and flavor, but the effects are very similar to things I've read here.

I've found comfort, caring and support from this board that I haven't been able to find anywhere else.

Thank you for that.

I really liked certain posters when they talked primarily about mormonism.

Now that they've given up recovery as a focus almost entirely, they've become very self important and very pushy. Some of them put down those with differing opinions or with opinions in transition after leaving the mormon cult. Dismissive comments and insults consisting of a cliche or two are not kind or helpful. The other day several posters delighted in playing a game on admin trying to mask insults for everyone in political party with a current cliche. They reminded me of school children passing notes in class using an insulting name to pile on kids in a less favored clique. Respect them after that? No. That did it for me.

So I guess I might be agreeing with the original poster after all.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 12:31AM by Lot's Wife.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 12:31AM by Lot's Wife.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 12:30AM by Lot's Wife.

^^this^^..."pushy and self-important"...

yeah there are a few like that here. They always have to put down other posters to show how brilliant they are. Doing so, like, all the time, is just not necessary. So people have varying and often times unsupported opinions...so. They don't always have to be challenged. Being challenged all the time makes people afraid of posting in my opinion because they know that so and so will probably jump to a put down and try to make them look stupid. Yeah yeah we already know how brilliant, witty, and important they are - they don't have to always show us.

I appreciate your post's Cheryl and take you very seriously. You are a good person.

Reconsidered



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 01:28AM by Lot's Wife.

**sigh**

I miss many of the old posters like Craig Paxton (was it?), Lucifer and her husband, the couple who had met as exmormons Brian the Christ (was it). Many like that. Tupperwhere. If I could remember how to spell her name, started with I, and dogzilla, doxi. So many. If I missed many, I'm sorry, but I notice the old posts now and then or someone comes back for a few posts and then disappears again like Beth, Enigma.

I come here more for a break from work and I've been working A LOT lately. I prefer it to fb or many other places I could go on the internet, so I keep coming back.

Glad some of the posters from the past are still here like Cheryl and many others like don bagley, one of my favorites, saucie and her boyfriend, and others who I believe have changed their names, but are still here, and SusieQ, Steve Benson, Nightingale, SL Cabbie, hie.

It seemed then that I learned SO MUCH about mormonism that I didn't know before.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 12:01AM by cl2.

About half way through "Young Frankenstein", Cloris Leachman stands near the top of the stairs leading out of the basement laboratory, and announces, very dramatically, "Yes, Viktor vas my boyfriend!!!"

I am now The Boyfriend...

I think I love you Cl2. You remind me of the good ole days

when we'd have much more fun than we do now.... like when

Tanstaafl and I think Steve B, got these monster posts

started about putting the mormon church on trial .


. god that was funny



. Then there was also the arguements between Catholic Girl and Benson about the catholic church versus the mormon church... which excallated to god no god. Jesus was not real. I learned

so much then about the mormon church and religion in general. It was a good classroom from me. Pretty much we all got along, and had the best jokes , the best stories. I don't know why this board is not like it used to be then , but those we good days and

alot of us made friendships that last until today and we all hold

RFM as the place in our our hearts and minds where we learned so much.

girl and Steve Benso

miss the constant fighting between CG and Benson. I burned a lot of food during that time :P

And so many others! I always had Deenie in the back of my mind and XYZ with his prior name of something to do with San Francisco.

I get a huge kick out of saucie and her boyfriend. I'm always afraid I'll post his name wrong (2 of my favorite posters and so glad they found each other) like I did knots name. She's been here with us for a long time, too, and I still am not sure about how to post her name unless I go find her.

So many long gone. Yes, it was different then.

I remember early on asking what atheists "believe." And the replies were so kind. I've never felt the atheists were a problem on this board and I have no idea what I believe. Sometimes I think about it. Most of the time, I just don't worry.

that my memory isn't that great. I have "word finding" difficulties, yet I still do my job. They believe it is stress. It really gets irritating though, so if I forgot anyone or can't remember their board name off the top of my head, I apologize.

I agree with Cheryl.

I would have never known how asinine some posters really are had the political content ban not been relaxed.

<<I see little left of that former board.>>

I think that my say something about the state of mormonism today versus eight years ago. Everyone knows it's B.S. now.

the "Trump of the board" (though opposite in politics)--narcissistic, always picking fights, always right in his own mind, inflexibly opinionated, and self-appointed authority on his own main issue. Got banned 3 years ago for trying to pick a fight with Don Bagley and wouldn't give it up. (Thanks, Don, for being instrumental in his impeachment and exit.)

MJ?

Way off topic subjects get your post pulled if it's all about politics and not related to Mormonism, religion or anything in life that is somewhat on topic.

It is up to the poster to indicate how their comments relate to Mormonism. If it can't be done then likely the post is going to disappear if it is altogether political or way way off topic.

The guidelines and mod choices are highly likely not due to some kind of political fanaticism of Admin's as some people insist is the case, according to my observation through many years.