Date: July 10, 2018 04:12AM
Some of you who have been around awhile may know my sordid story of being married to an exmo with estranged TBM daughters. I married my husband in 2002, met his kids once in 2003, before his ex decided I wasn't "worthy" to be their stepmother, and I haven't seen either of them in person since. Last year, my husband's 24 year old daughter cautiously reconnected via email and now Skype. He has not seen her or her sister in person since 2004, but it appears that there will eventually be a visit, especially since my husband now has a grandson.
Something pretty huge happened last weekend. My husband's daughter Skped with my mother-in-law, whom she hasn't seen in person since she was a very young child. The last time they spoke on the phone was in 2003, during that one visit with us, when she was nine years old.
My husband's daughter is still TBM and has been researching the family tree. She decided to call her grandmother to get information on the family, but probably also because she's very curious. For many years, her mother would not let her speak to my husband's mom because my mother-in-law was on my husband's side. The kids were taught to regard my husband's stepmother as their grandmother, even though the ex used to badmouth both women to each other. She'd tell my MIL that SMIL was a better grandma and vice versa to SMIL about MIL.
I remember during the one visitation my husband's kids had with us, younger daughter told me that she'd stopped talking to her grandmother because she supposedly sent her a Christmas card for her birthday (which I highly suspect never happened, but even if it did, why would you cut off your grandmother for that reason?). My husband called his mom during the visitation and the younger daughter was the only one of the kids who would speak to her. The older daughter and former stepson refused.
I think about all of the years that were wasted on parental alienation and other stupid crap that comes from nasty divorces that involve children. I wonder what must be going through my husband's daughter's mind as she talks to these long lost relatives. She's already missed being able to talk to my husband's Aunt Betsy because Betsy died suddenly in February of this year. She had a stroke. Younger daughter had found some very creative artwork Aunt Betsy had done for the kids when they were little, but now she'll never get the chance to get to know the woman who created it. I hope she's realizing how precious time is.
A side effect is that my mother-in-law, who long ago stopped thinking of herself as a grandmother and stopped telling people she had grandchildren, now has to readjust her thinking. She's a grandmother again after many years of no contact with her grandchildren. I think my husband is feeling the same way. I still don't feel like a stepmother and probably never will. But I am pleased that my husband is finally reconnecting with his kids. He loves them dearly. I'm sure eventually, older daughter will talk to him. It will take time because she doesn't handle change well.
We also learned that my husband's older daughter, who just turned 27, still lives with my husband's ex wife in New Hampshire because she's pretty much the main caretaker for Ex's youngest child, an eleven year old boy. My husband's ex stepson did help his sister temporarily move out of their mother's house to work at a summer camp in Arizona. Older daughter is an artist and supposedly has some issues with autism, or so the Ex claims. I think Ex has convinced her that she can't live on her own. Older daughter also doesn't drive, although she does apparently date. My husband told his younger daughter that if older daughter needs financial help moving, he's willing to give her money. Ex also has another daughter who is about fifteen now. We get the impression that Ex and her current incarnation of her family have left Mormonism, though my husband's daughters are still entrenched.
I have to admit, I'm actually kind of grateful to the church because I think church members helped my husband's kids when he wasn't able to do anything more than pay child support. This isn't to say I like Mormonism, because I don't. But obviously, there were some good people in the church who were very kind to my husband's daughters when their mother was abusive and neglectful. I wish they could have been in contact with us, though, because if they had been, I think things would have turned out differently.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2018 04:15AM by knotheadusc.