Here's a quote from a woman featured in "Humans of New York" today:
"I was in a relationship for most of my teenage years. He wasn’t a bad guy, but I think long relationships can be toxic when you’re that young. That’s the age when you’re supposed to be figuring yourself out. And that can be hard if you’re completely focused on another person."
Young adults are still figuring themselves out, too. Jump into an early marriage, jump into a pre-scripted role, and your personal development is stunted. Or halted.
I'm not talking about self-centeredness, self-indulgence, or any of that. I'm talking about figuring out who you really are, what your aspirations are, what your values are, where you fit in the world.
Of course, Mormonism tries to force feed children, teens and young adults all the "correct" answers. "This is who you are, what you'll do, and how you'll feel about it. If you disagree, that's the devil leading you astray."
The church is filled with older parents who aren't going to stand up for their kids because they think the church's approach is normal and proper, because they came through the same system and were indoctrinated with the same baloney. "Trying to figure yourself out? Just go on a mission, get married soon after and start a family. Those are your answers."
I have seven grandchildren over the age of 18. Five of them are NOT mormon. They are all five of them living secular, interesting lives, doing things, going places, with just one of them married, with no plans for kids in the foreseeable future. One thing they have going for them is no list of "Things I shouldn't do because ghawd said so."
The other two, one a 21 year RM and his 19-year-old non-RM brother, and not going to be one, living in a two-parent loving TBM home. The 19-year-old, per the family rumor mill, plays video games all night and necks with his girlfriend when his parents are at work. The latest word on the RM is that "it's like he never left!" That's not good, because he left the MTC and spent a year repenting in order to go back to the MTC. That was a 'lost year', when all he did was work at a car wash and call the bishop every day to discuss his repentance progress.
I certainly do agree with Koriwhore that the mormon church is toxic...
elderolddog Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > One thing they have going for them is no > list of "Things I shouldn't do because ghawd said > so."
It's not just the things they aren't supposed to do, it's the skimpy list of things that are considered worthy of their time and energy. Church stuff, work stuff (for men), family stuff. Anything else you might pursue takes away from working on your exaltation.
although I didn't think so at the time. I hadn't left the lds church, but I had spent time figuring out who I was. If I hadn't, I couldn't have survived the future.
I worked many years at a job I loved. I earned good money. I traveled. I dated decent nonmormon guys. I had a lot of nonmormon friends and I had some really good mormon men I worked with who treated me like I was their daughter.
I was LOST in high school and felt like a wall flower. Mormon girls didn't treat me well. I had a really good self-esteem when I ran into my eventual husband. That took a toll on me big time, but I always had those people from my past who I remembered or still communicated with, which helped me a lot.
My friends were all envious of me and here I wanted to get married. I don't know what I would have done without those years between high school and when I got married at age 27.