“These are true messengers.”
This is a true Boner.

Okay, think this through: If there are true messengers, then the option exists for there being false messengers.

So remember to offer to shake hands!

But this won't work if the messenger shows up carrying a watermelon in each arm. You're on your own at that point.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But this won't work if the messenger shows up
> carrying a watermelon in each arm. You're on your
> own at that point.

...or a drawn sword.

Say, come to think of it, the "you'd better start screwing 14 year old girls!" drawn-sword-angel story doesn't say anything at all about Joe asking to shake its hand...so it could have been a false messenger!

Or entirely made up. Either way.

Even as a TBM sitting in the temple I sort of snickered. After all, the WKRP actor, Gordon Jump, was Peter in one of the temple films saying that line.

It would be kind of like the late Farrah Fawcett, as Eve in the Garden saying, “Honey, believe the snake because he’s true.”



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2018 09:07PM by BYU Boner.

I’ll admit I snicker at the thought of Peter saying “Come James and John, let us go down.”

Let us go down wins for me.

"We will go down" is completely irrational too. Whatever planet the characters are standing on, Earth is up to them. If the writer is standing on Earth while writing the sentence, Earth is down to him.

"Oh God, hear the words of my mouth." seemed silly to me, too, and such a childish thing to say, while doing the arm motions in the costumes. It was just bad writing--but good comedy!

"Let us go down." made me laugh. Right. Mormons don't know up from down!

I didn't go enough times and I was too scared shitless to memorize it in those few times I went. I feel blessed.

How does one tell a true messenger from a false messenger ?

Okay, here it is... I didn't make this up, so don't yell at me.

When one is visited by a heavenly being, he (always he!) will either be a spirit emissary (as in he hasn't yet obtained a body, either resurrected or regular flesh & blood) or a resurrected being.

You, being new at this, must ask the messenger to shake hands. The being with a body will do so and you will feel the contact of skin to skin and the pressure of the hand squeezing (unless he's a latino who never learned how, and you think you're holding a dead fish). An official spirit being will immediately explain that he IS just a spirit and can't make contact.

A false messenger, who can only be one of Lucifer's fallen 1/3 of the host of heaven and thus just a spirit, will stupidly extend his hand, but when you try to grasp with your hand, you just pass through it. False messengers ALWAYS try to shake hands when asked and thus give themselves away.

Why, you ask, doesn't the bad boy spirit messenger lie his ass off (he certainly learned to do so from Lucifer!) and tell you that he can't, because he's a spirit, thus making you think he's official?

I don't know. I guess ghawd put a spell on those bad boys...

Satan-Have you any money?
Peter, James n John-Sufficient for our needs.
Huh??? Wtf would they need money for and who would they buy stuff from? Were Adam n Eve slanging goods to heavenly visitors?

Eve quickly tired of Adam, who was busy naming animals, so she started servicing visitors for $5 a pop...to pay for a housekeeper!

"Oh God, hear the words of my mouth.."

Where else would my words come from???

Becca Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Oh God, hear the words of my mouth.."
>
> Where else would my words come from???

LOL, don't all the words of the GAs come straight out of their asses?

exactly!

Becca Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Oh God, hear the words of my mouth.."
>
> Where else would my words come from???


Good one, becca! FOFLMFAO

At was so anticlimactic when those true messengers didn’t say jack.

Yeah if Adam and Eve are the only two people in earth, why do the messangers need money? Who are they buying things from?

The ‘what is wanted’ line may be the stupidest.

People working the fast food window in Utah could have fun with that.

This person is a "true" messenger about The Book of Abraham.

http://www.conflictofjustice.com/joseph-smith-translate-facsimile-2-book-of-abraham/

Monkeys are sheep and birds are boats.

http://www.conflictofjustice.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Good_shepherd_facsimile-2n.jpg

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one, who has a little fun with the dialogue from the temple ceremony.

I like to have fun with Elohim's imperious ways: "Jehovah, Michael get me a beer--like unto the other beers ye have heretofore procured."

"Who told thee that thou wast naked?" - That's just fun.

"Lucifer! What hast thou been doing here?" - You are God--the omniscient one--what's with all the questions?

"You can buy anything in this world with money." - Now this one always struck me as odd. What exactly were Adam, Eve and a bunch of spirits supposed to do with money? In a two person economy, money doesn't get you much.

“Brethren, close your eyes as if asleep.”

Of course, half the elderly temple workers were already sawing zzzzzs.

I used to enjoy poking TBM's about which version of the creation should I believe - - God's (Bible), or Bro. Joe's (temple ceremony). They are different as to what occurred on the various days -

Bible -

Day 1 - Created world
Day 2 - Divided the waters/firmament
Day 3 - Brought forth grass, seed, trees
Day 4 - Divided light from darkness
Day 5 - Created fish /fowl
Day 6 - Created cattle, creeping things, beasts, man
Day 7 - Took a nap


Temple -

Day 1 - Created world
Day 2 - Divided the waters/firmament
Day 3 - Divided light from the darkness
Day 4 - Brought forth grass, flowers, shrubbery, trees, and all manner of vegetation
Day 5 - Created the beasts, fowls, fishes, insects, all creeping things, and other forms of animal life
Day 6 - Created man
Day 7 - Took a nap

So which is it?? God or Joe?? I never got a good answer...just confused looks.

You'd have to add...

Which is it? God's #1, or God's #2, or Joe?

See, there are *two* in the bible. Both in Genesis. Which conflict with each other.

#2 is actually pretty much Joe's version.


http://www.leighb.com/genesis.htm

It’s neither

It's not just the words. It's the tone and inflection and the wooden acting. It's worse than the GA Drone or the Whispery RS voice. The only really good part is Satan! He's a winner.
Reading these comments, I could hear it as if it was yesterday.
I could never make my fingers and hand make a square. The little finger always wondered off.