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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 03:58PM

I think we agree that dating LDS couples are pressured to wait for intimacy/sex.


To me, that increases pressure (social + hormones) to get married.


Sometimes (lds) couples wait, but often Not...


has anyone studied this? What's the LDS incidence of unmarried sex & births, compared to other religions & non-religious folks?


reason: I've met a gal I'm madly in love with, she ? We've had 3 dates without intimacy, I usually enjoy sex on or before the 3rd....


Is 3rd date without intimacy/sex unusual now?


Are more LDS couples opting for 'life partners' than previously?


A few years back, one of the esteemed GAs counseled singles to DATE with marriage in mind, decried 'hanging out' Remember??

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 05:02PM

GNPE, for the love of all that is holy, slow down (I'm saying this as a nevermo.) If you think this woman has potential, give her some time. IMO women can take longer to emotionally bond with a man, and if she is not emotionally bonded to you before you become intimate, she may do a runner. Give it a few weeks at least, and then talk to her and see where she's at.

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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 05:09PM

thanks, summer;

yes, I'm trying.

I just asked her what her wants & red flags are, I'm wanting/trying to be sensitive, as best I can...

(and, I didn't tell how long a period of time we've been dating)

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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 05:13PM

also, summer:

I haven't pressured her to have intimacy and/or sex, while those have been the history for me (many on 1st date!), I'm cooling on this one, haven't touched her intimately either...


Long Term is my goal for this friendship...

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 05:16PM

Three dates is not that much. I'm just saying, if you want to keep her, patience is your friend. ;)

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 05:09PM

On our third date my most recent wife asked me, "When are we going to have sex?"

Obviously I came up with the correct response.

That's the way it works with normal human American females when they're up against someone who grew up with "morals".

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Posted by: captainklutz ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 07:46PM

So, EOD, how many milliseconds did it take for you to get nekkid when the question was asked? How many buttons were disattached during the process?

Inquiring minds don't really want to know...but had to ask.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2018 07:50PM by captainklutz.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 07:48PM

Follow Summer’s advice!

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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 08:00PM

Folks:

Yes, this gal is Definitely long-term friendship possibility, I thought that early / soon DURING our first date!


Yes, I told her that I love her, she didn't Panic...

Luckily for me (her ?) the intimacy we're experienced with hand-holding, shoulder rubs, open, candid communications have brought us to the point of enjoying each other's company, seems we Both like to get together at least once a week (she lives about 60 miles away on 5).

Dates have been casual, but honest with each other.


I guess I can 'live' with this for another few (?) weeks, but after that....

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 08:49PM

GNPE1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> but after that....

Exactly! Now, take a cold shower, enjoy a wank, and remember it takes two for a relationship.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: July 12, 2018 12:57PM


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Posted by: Forensicpsych ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 04:09PM

Dear GNP:
Not that it’s any of my business, but telling someone that you “love“ them before or on the third date might be more intimidating than asking for sex. Perhaps you might want to focus on just having fun (with or without sex), rather than trying to make this a “serious” relationship.

Again, please disregard if this doesn’t fit for you

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Posted by: belfastgirl ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 10:54PM

What is wrong with this man that he feels that a woman he hardly knows owes him sex? Sex is very intimate and I certainly never owed a man sex. If he cannot wait for sex then what chance does any of his relationships have of lasting especially if he marries and his wife doesnt jump to it and he decides shes depriving him.What about when the kids come and shes exhausted?This guy is an immoral user and loser.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 11:00PM

Well that was one slanderous leap. He never even hinted he was owed anything. He merely stated that in his experience this is a bit unusual. But he felt she might be worth waiting for.

One thing people are confused about and cautious about when it comes to relationships is will the sex drives and needs be compatible? If not, it can really make for a difficult relationship and cause a great deal of pain.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: July 11, 2018 11:19PM

In my mind, a man who thinks a woman he hardly knows OWES him sex is a rapist.

Hoping for/wanting sex, if you're honest, is exactly what nature expects of us. How one goes about satisfying the 'itch' is a culture thing and in America, polite boldness is not condemned, except by raging theists.

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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: July 12, 2018 12:23AM

I NEVER expected sex from Anyone, except wife or serious s/o...
Sex is a Bonus to a healthy, loving relationship.

Just had a text chat w her, I'll be a basket case for a couple of hours...

After our last date, my whole next day was wasted (emotionally).

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Posted by: JoeSmith666 ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 05:32AM

When at BYU a few decades ago it was "everything but vaginal intercourse" to find a mate.

Even had some want to do the full intercourse and go through the Temple on dates as if married - though not want to get married.

Add in "Wendover wedding weekends" were a couple zipped to Nevada, got legally married and then spent time with sexual relationship - and when one wanted to move on a Quicky Divorce or an annulment - and they were free to do it again. If caught together they had a marriage license to prove it was OK.

I knew a number then who had done this more than four times each.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 02:57PM

You can only get an annulment and a divorce if you are a Nevada resident. To get residency you have to live there for at least 6 weeks. Doubtful many people actually moved there in order to pull this off.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 03:25PM

Devoted Exmo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You can only get an annulment and a divorce if you
> are a Nevada resident. To get residency you have
> to live there for at least 6 weeks. Doubtful many
> people actually moved there in order to pull this
> off.

Nope.

"In order to file for an annulment in Nevada, either you or your spouse must have lived in Nevada for at least six weeks prior to filing or you must have gotten married in Nevada."

It's that "or" part that applies in the above case.

https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/annulment/annulment-basics/nevada

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 03:38PM

It's still not that simple. You have to prove the following in front of a judge:

lack of consent of a parent or guardian if consent was required

lack of understanding or insanity by you or your spouse
fraud, or lies, by you or your spouse that induced the other to marry

the marriage was illegal because you and your spouse are too closely related, or

you or your spouse was married to someone else at the time of your marriage.

You also have to pay to have one person file and the other person served.

"In the complaint, you have to provide basic information about you, your spouse, your marriage, children you have together, and your grounds for an annulment. Once you file your complaint, you have to have another adult “personally serve,” or hand-deliver, a copy of the complaint and accompanying papers to your spouse. Whoever served your spouse has to fill out an Affidavit of Service, which you then must file with the court."

And then there's this:
"Your spouse can respond to your complaint by filing an answer and/or a counterclaim. If your spouse files an answer, the court will schedule a “case management conference” within 90 days. After the case management conference, the judge will schedule a hearing to determine whether an annulment is appropriate in your case. At a hearing, you and your spouse will have to testify, and you can give the judge other evidence to support your case."

Sounds risky and expensive for a fun weekend in Nevada. I just doubt many BYU coeds do this with any regularity.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 05:26PM

Yes, I know.
I didn't say it was simple. Or that you didn't have to make your case (although, honestly, if one spouse files for it and the other one fails to respond, a default is usually entered, making it really, really easy to get one).

I simply pointed out that your claim that you had to be a resident and had to live there for at least 6 weeks was incorrect.
Which it was.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 08:53PM

I know you didn't say it was easy and you are right that it does say "or" got married in Nevada.

However, I see this posted a lot where it seems more of an urban legend at BYU where you simply go to Nevada and get married and then get an annulment, easy peasy.

I'm trying to point out that it isn't likely to be something done so cavalierly.

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Posted by: friend of a person ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 06:03PM

She met a man living in a different city here in Missouri. They decided to get married. They took a trip from out of state to Vegas. Got married. A month later he still hasn't moved to the same city. She discovers fraud on some of his debts. They immediately split up. He feels bad about the fraud and agrees to take responsibility and pay for an annulment. They work amicably towards resolution. They file for annulment in Nevada. The Judge reviews paperwork and orders for a hearing. She travels to Nevada and gets a hearing scheduled. They both travel to Nevada for the hearing. The Judge approves the annulment. Neither one was ever a Nevada resident.

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Posted by: friend of a person ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 06:10PM

It took 2 extra trips to Vegas to get the annulment done because the Court purposely makes their process cumbersome. The Judge needed an explanation that there was valid fraud involved on top of everything else and if both parties weren't in agreement on this then its likely that the Judge would've denied the Annulment petition and they'd have to file for Divorce in Missouri.

This would be difficult for BYU students. They'd probably try Floating instead and pray that there are no earthquakes or volcano eruptions in the area while they are floating because then it would turn guilt-free sinless Floating into the sin next to murder - i.e. fornication.

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 05:01PM

Conversation between two nevermo women overheard at work many years ago:

"Why do you always end up in bed with all the men you date?"

"I only date guys I want to have sex with."



Okay, that probably doesn't answer your question, GNPE1.

If this woman has long term possibilities, then a good relationship requires you to ask HER your question instead of strangers online. Because if you can't talk about things like this it's not a very good relationship.

You might try something like, "So, I don't have an elegant way to phrase this, but what are your thoughts and feelings about us eventually having sex?"

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Posted by: captainklutz ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 05:04PM

olderelder Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> You might try something like, "So, I don't have an
> elegant way to phrase this, but what are your
> thoughts and feelings about us eventually having
> sex?"

Or, you could use an old standard, "Would you like to dance first?" ;-P

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Posted by: sd ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 05:34PM

very politely, "Can you give some kind of timeline when will be able to play hide the salami?" If her eyes grow wide and she blocks your calls you'll have your answer. If she gets flushed and gives you a date, you'll have your answer.

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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: July 13, 2018 07:46PM

sorry folks, I'm sorry this has slipped more into a question about sex; I should have worded it better...


4th date coming up, I want more of a long-term with this gal then I perhaps indicated;


Yes, as we get older, sex becomes somewhat less significant, but I still occasionally enjoy being close, sleeping together, and f**king / Making Love.


to me, Making Love is the 24/7 part about intimacy: kindness, honesty, respect; opening doors if wanted, soft, gently conversations, etc. etc.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: July 14, 2018 08:19AM

GNPE, one thought would be to let the woman either initiate sex or initiate talk about it when she is ready.

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