Yesterday in church we had a lesson about family. The teacher was a middle aged woman who got married at 18 in the temple and had kids just a few years later. She told us her story of meeting her husband and then said something along the lines of "I know that all of you girls will get married in the temple, so you are going to write letters to yourself that you can open on that special day."

So basically we were writing letters as a sort of time capsule. In theory, it's a cool idea for a lesson, but completely irrational. first of all, I do not want kids, and I definitely don't want to be stuck in a cult any more than I already am. It doesn't help that I like other girls, either. I am the exact opposite of what they want me to be, and I can't say anything about it.

What people feel naturally is discouraged by the church and simply put off as the "natural man." Anyone who is gay or bisexual is forced to stay in the closet. No matter how much tscc claims to love gay people, People with "same sex attraction" (as they call it) will never be able to live a normal life in the cult. According to the church's doctrine, sex before marriage is a sin, but kissing the opposite gender isn't; and kissing the same gender is a sin, but homosexuality isn't. Double standard much?

The church teaches that there is only one way to happiness. It disregards the individual and acts like an assembly line, constantly pumping out "perfect" Mormon families that are born in the church, baptized, sent on missions, and married in the temple. I am going to be the first one in my family to break this cycle. It's hard living in a cult but not being able to leave, especially when everyone you love believes it unconditionally.

In a conference talk, I think about 6 years ago, it was brought up 50% of the church members are single. This is either by divorce, death of spouse, or choice. I forgot the point of the talk because I was thinking about the YW. Basically half of any class will probably not get married, yet leadership still refuse to put individual growth in front of marrying to be accepted in the group. Also people are getting married later. My daughter is a TBM in LA and the average age of Mormons marrying is between 25 and 33.The women she knows in the church have careers or at least decent paying jobs. Times are changing and again the church is way behind.

So, this teacher "knows" that all of you will get married (to a man!) in the temple.

But you don't even like men, you don't want to get married in the temple, and you don't want to stay with the church.

So much for the things mormons say they "know," huh?

The "lesson" from last Sunday should be clear: mormons claim to "know" things they don't actually know. All the time. Like claiming to "know" Joseph Smith was a prophet (they don't know that). The BoM is true (they don't know that, either).

Take the lesson learned, and walk away. :)

which was YW back then, of what I wanted in a husband. I would bet I still have it somewhere, but then I did throw a lot of things out in the past few years. I'm 61. So this lesson has been going on FOREVER.

I'm the "ex" wife of a gay man. Many people on this board can relate to what you've said about gays in the church and relationships for gays. We got married in 1984. You have no idea what it was like back then. Anything gay was talked about with hushed tones. I was told not to tell my parents about this guy I was dating who was gay. My dad figured it out, and although my dad was mormon (not TBM), he told me that I was smarter than that, that gays are born gay. I was going to say "that way," but then I realized that is really inappropriate. When my dad found out they told me it was my job to save him, then he saw it different. He knew I was smart, but didn't factor into it mormon leadership. He was FURIOUS.

Along the way, many people have said that the church is improving in their attitudes towards gays and I'd always say, "I don't trust them." I even wrote Boyd and got a horrible letter in return. Sure enough, then they came up with the changes about children of gays.

Read here and post. You will find many, many people supportive of you. It will be a difficult road because of your LDS family. A book I read that Steve Benson suggested is Perfect: (something about the story of a gay mormon). I think you can still get it on Amazon. It was a wonderful book.

It is "Perfect: The Journey of a Gay Mormon." It is listed on Amazon under just "Perfect."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/16/2018 12:55PM by cl2.

Thanks for the advice. I'll look into getting that book ;)

A long time ago, in my ward they needed a YW teacher. They had the option of choosing a young, well-liked married woman who had not yet made it to the temple (IIRC they were waiting for their 1-year penance period to end), or a temple married and then divorced older woman. They chose the divorced one, because she had been married in the temple. I know- it makes zero sense.

The "natural man" is hypocritical, too, since man was supposedly created by god, i.e. "in his image"--so "natural man" should be "Heavenly Father's child".


In mormon-talk, however, it must mean one of two things: Stan's influence (disobeying mormon god's laws) and/or being an American Indian, which is right there in their holy scripture, the BoM.

I'm sorry you aren't fitting into the everyone-from-the-same-LDS-mold scene, but I'm also glad you aren't fitting into the everyone-from-the-same-LDS-mold-scene...

Sounds like 1960's Home Economics class, not an exercise for people in 2018

Lol thanks

Lame! Cookie cutter life plans for girls (and boys) start limiting their aspirations and possibilities. I'm surprised they didn't have to wear white wedding dresses as part of the activity.

How about if they wait until they are 40 and write a letter to the past about how glad they were to follow their bliss instead of McChurch.

C, I'm a nevermo (never a Mormon.) When I was in high school, a good friend had converted to Mormonism. We traveled together out west to visit our prospective colleges. She was going to go to BYU, so we stopped off in SLC to visit Temple Square. While there, a church missionary asked me if I didn't want to be married for eternity? I remember thinking in response, I'm not sure that I want to be married at all. And I never did marry.

There are many different good ways to live a life. Some people marry, some don't, some have children, and some don't, many work, but some do not.

If I were writing a letter to my teenage self, I would tell myself to worry more about school and career, and less about boys. I would tell myself to take care of my own life, which would build my self-esteem, and then the boy problem would take care of itself. The Mormon church spends a lot of time talking to the YW about marriage and children, and less on developing the YW as whole people. Most adult women that I know have careers, and hobbies, and interests. They are multi-dimensional people. They do not fit into neat little boxes.

It sounds like you are on the right track. Study hard, save your money, prepare for a career (a woman should always have a way to earn a good living -- nothing makes you freer than knowing that you can pay your own way,) and develop interests and hobbies that are meaningful to you. Make sure that you have some adventures! Plan to one day do a study abroad, or backpack through Europe, or work at a ski resort (as I did,) or teach English overseas, or any number of other things. Marriage and family are very good things, if they happen, but they are not the only things.

That's so true. I agree that the church should stop trying to get young kids to work on things way in the future that don't really matter at all. The suicide rate for kids from ages 11-17 is the highest in Utah, and that's a direct result of the church. It really is a cult if kids feel they have to take their own lives due to shaming and isolation in the church.

I was watching dan Reynolds documentary "believer" the other day and it really made me take a new perspective. Even if mormons claim to be good people, tscc is physiologically damaging. Anyway, thanks for the advice ;)

I have four granddaughters and I know they are being subjected to this pressure.

It makes be sad because they are bright, funny young women who have so many great possibilities. To put them in the Mormon box will limit those possibilities for no good reason.

Plus, if they get married in the temple, I (the heathen grandmother) will not be there. Their TBM grandmother (who can't keep their names straight and can't even be bothered to send a birthday card) will be there congratulating herself on her faithful progeny.

All the best to you. My daughter had a heck of a time going from TBM kid to career loving, girlfriend adoring, kid-no-thank-you-ing, atheist.

She's pretty darn happy now and I think the world of her.


Good luck on your journey.

Mormons, especially gals I believe, are taught that a TM is the end-all, be-all of having a happy, healthy, if not also wealthy future family;

We remember how those promises worked for Joe & his sexual desires, don't we?

Hypocrisy is no longer a no-no in Mormonism.

Hypocrisy has always been the standard Mormon practice. Beginning with the original liar Joseph Smith.

"On what a thing it is to be accused of having more than one wife....."