Ok have you ever noticed that if you are grieving the death of a pet or loved one and Mormons say oh to bad but can you come do this with us? No!!!! My dog died and you don't want to do anything, Mormons are very selfish people and don't care if you are grieving! They just want you to get over it!

I disagree with this.

There are many Mormons who grieve the loss of pets or family. They feel loss the same as others do. It's their belief system that differs. Not their grieving over loss.

I don't know where you come up with such ideas. How many Mormons do you actually know to base your determination on?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2018 09:28AM by Amyjo.

Mormons often have a block toward others' suffering. I think it's connected to the idea that suffering is a gift of God to make one stronger. It's necessary and deserved.

I know many Mormons who grieve profoundly for the loss of loved ones, starting with my own family.

It is very judgmental to cast aspersions on how others are supposed to grieve or not grieve in the first place. Everyone grieves, and it is pretty universal when losing someone close to them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2018 09:54AM by Amyjo.

Our experience is as valid as any others'.

It is very judgmental to make a blanket statement about all Mormons and how they grieve.

Agreed. Many people, Mormon or not, love animals and many dont understand grieving for an animal.

This thread isn't about how mormons experience grief. It's about not giving comfort to others, particularly non-members who are in grief.

Sadly, Crazy Horse is going through a traumatic time of grief and anyone in her situation deserves special consideration and kindness, not harsh criticism.

The opie speaks for itself.

And so did you. You stereotyped them when you said Mormons in general. There were no exclusions. It was a blanket statement.

Nor does CH indicate who she is referring to. Was it the missionaries she says she's been taking lessons from? Or, others?

Because CH isn't LDS, and has had limited exposure to Mormons.

In my experience if you lose a pet, you grieve the loss. Is it rational to expect others to share that grief? Probably not. It would suffice for them to show some compassion or empathy. But that isn't realistic either to expect you're going to get that from all people you come in contact with. Because most people don't share that loss.

I would say in Utah mormons grieve less than others of other religious traditions. In Utah it's quite common for your grandpa or father to die and still go play volleyball at the church in the evening. Nobody cancels their trip to a Country music show in Vegas because they are worried about grandma, or global warming. And lots of my mormon relatives hook up with their next romance before the customary divorce papers have fully dried (sometimes even before the divorce has been submitted).

Now on the other hand I've seen catholics wearing black for months at a time. They have a systematic tradition where your suppose to have a period of waiting before the fun begins.

I would say that Utah Mormons are self absorbed.

is that a lot of people, and since I live around mormons, want to distance themselves from anyone who is going through a tough time.

Thinking about when my ex left me, everyone ran for the hills. I was ALONE. I had most friends distance themselves and I've never reconnected with them. Then after my ex left me, my dog was killed. He was this little miracle that helped me get through the day after my ex left me. It has been 21 years and it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. It was the worst day of my life. I'd lost almost everything by then. And the mormons I know thought I was nuts. What's a dog? Will it be with you in the CK, then why are so upset?

I was suicidal and homicidal. I was going to kill my children and then kill myself. I just couldn't kill my kids, so I stuck around. But I thought about it for 6 months or more and nobody noticed. Not a soul. And it was obvious the hell I was living in. Luckily, I found my therapist at that time and he saved my life. AND I had to pay someone to help me, to give a shit.

And I live amongst mormons. And the mormons STILL think I'm at fault for not saving my gay ex.

So I have to back Crazy Horse and Cheryl. A LOT of mormons don't put much value on pets. My parents did/do. Pets aren't talked about in terms of the CK, etc., and a lot of mormons also have the attitude that if you grieve too much, then you don't really believe in the ??? can't think of it right now. Plan of salvation. That's it.

I have found it interesting that when I've lost people (my parents), not one of the mormons in my neighborhood, who I know well, did one thing, but then when they lost someone, they had to come and tell me and wonder why I didn't do anything for them. No lie. There are good mormons, but the mormon culture is ODD. As TBM as my daughter is, she can't stand Utah and it's culture, so she spends her time in Alaska where they have a 1 hour service on Sunday evening with mormons working there.

I am truly sorry you lost your pet, crazyhorse. It's bad enough to have to put down a pet due to age or illness. But, to come home from a trip and have the kennel people tell you your dog is gone,thats heartbreaking and a real shocker. Anyone would have a hard time dealing with that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2018 11:41AM by Aquarius123.

It was the missionaries and they said oh so sorry you're dog died but can you come to a thing for young adults, you will be happy and you need to be happy and have peace? My dog died!! And I said no I am not ok and why be happy when your dog died! Sorry I am upset right now

Missionaries suck and only want you to be baptized!

I'm sorry that you're going through that, crazyhorse. IMO, for a lot of people, our pets are our children. As for mormons not caring, I've experienced a mixture of caring/not caring from mormons. When my dad passed away, we had so much support from our neighbors. Recently, though, when my MIL passed away, we told our next door neighbor, and her reply was: "well, we all have to go sometime". No other questions or comments! Go figure.

What do mishies know about death and grieving? Cut ‘em some slack, they’re stuck in a cult that makes a fetish of the afterlife. That’s too bad because life is now.

I think the person burdened with grief needs it more.

That depends....around the time of my parents death there was a lot of support and love from my Mormon family and from their TBM friends. When my Catholic wife died 10 months ago 3 LDS first cousins and their spouses attended the prayer service but there were other nevermo family I never heard from too. My wife's family were there in large numbers.

Missionaries are just kids missing their smartphones and really have no idea what is going on in the real world. Their leaders are totally focused on results and will shame or otherwise punish anyone not meeting the objective. Few of them have any real-life experience to prepare them for the everyday people they will encounter.

Every thought a missionary has is either straight from God or from the adversary. Every act of resistance from targets such as yourself is a failure on their part that carries the threat of retribution from the ZoneLeader or even a god. They wear a garment specifically designed to remind them of exactness and an undeviating course, as well as sacred covenants that consist of simply bowing your head and saying yes to priesthood authority.

I know it sounds like they are heartless about your loss, but instead, I'd submit that they are being naive. Theirs is an impossible task that has no room for anything outside the tunnel vision to which they must unwaveringly adhere. Other than what they've been told and their own limited experience, what does an overworked 18 yearold know of humanity?

Besides, every good religious zealot knows that it is foolish to mourn when this life is nothing more than a flicker in the eternities. How many bishops have I heard say that this life is simply a trial and that our eternal reward is far more important than our earthly trivias. In a world where you could become like the gods through perfect obedience, there can be no room for genuine empathy.

It may even be simpler than that. Many people are not dog people and dont see dogs as family. That includes Mormons and non Mormons. Then there is the fact that they are kids who may not have the empathy yet to see that you are hurting even if they dont totally understand it. I didnt become a real dog person until I got a dog of my own as a young adult. Until then, dogs were ok but I didnt have a deep connection with any.

Missionaries just want you to be baptized and they move on, they are pressuring me to go to a young adult thing and keep saying it will be fun, we will read the book of Mormon and I said no I want to grieve! And they said why do you want to grieve? What a bunch of idiots! My dog died

I didn't want this to happen and in shock

Sorry if I seem angry I am grieving

Crazy horse, I'm very sorry to read about what happened to your dog.

What the missionaries did reminds me of when, about four years ago, a loved cat of mine died under what I felt were tragic circumstances. The local missionaries heard about it the very day it happened, and they came over and said they'd come to cheer me up. So they started cracking jokes and being super jovial, and I couldn't stand it. It made me feel even worse, as well as being angry. It was hard to imagine people being so insensitive when someone is grieving.

Mormons think happiness is supposed to be the norm, so they’re at a loss when it isn’t. It’s just another thing they can’t process, like boundaries.

OTOH, many Mormons expect EVERYONE to attend church EVERY SUNDAY, regardless of personal circumstances;

Church 'jobs' are inter-woven so as to suggest that meetings, etc. with others is expected Regardless...

Just tell them no and let them know you didnt appreciate their lack of sympathy. You dont have to have any more to do with them. Dont answer the door or answer it and tell them to go away.Dont answer their calls and block their email.They will move on eventually.By interacting with them, you are giving mixed signals.

Thank you and they are used to rejection. I don't need them around anymore

It isnt just Mormons. There is a lot of that against religion in general and particularly Islam and Catholicism. To hear some people, all Muslims are misogynistic terrorists and all Catholics are pedophiles.

Missionary experience here.

I lost both my last grandmother and my pet dog in the same month. After deciding to please the cult and particularly the mission presidents, I decided to stay in the field and not return home. I battled with terrible grief and depression. My companion was indifferent and offered little support. Since I was a natural jovial person, other missionaries noticed that I was feeling down. When they learned of my grief, one said "Oh. We thought it was something serious." One elder showed a bit of compassion and told me about losing his dog. I think he felt ashamed of revealing his true feelings in front of the group.

The icing on the cake occurred when a snarky sister came up to me after the district meeting had ended. I foolishly thought she was going to offer a smidgen of sympathy. Nope!

"Elder Goop. I hope you can get your act together. I'm going home at the end of the month and I expect to achieve this baptismal goal. You better do your part."

What? You are grieving! I am going to tell the missionaries I am done on Friday and if they refuse to take the book of Mormon back I will say ok I will throw it away! It is garage anyway and will leave

Most people simply don’t know what to say to you, especially if they have never experienced loss.

Once I had a boss who was annoyed that I didn’t bounce back to work after two family deaths within five months. One was my dad. I told her that I had no problem working, but I couldn’t quit crying. Months later her own son was killed in an auto accident. When I called her, she apologized to me—-she had no idea what I had gone through.

Crazy Horse, don’t be mad—they just don’t know.

It's not their job to care

It's your job to grieve
It's your job to get over it

At least you have a job

Mormons grieve, yes.

The point is, that Mormons don't care if YOU or someone else is grieving, when they want you to do something for the cult.

Black people and other minorities grieve, too. What does that have to do with anything? Most NORMAL people have empathy, right?

I understand Crazyhorse's individual story, and the emotions involved. I, too, had demands made on me by that specific group called the "Mormon church" (I don't know the exact ethnicity of each individual Mormon who made demands on me). They told me I HAD TO play the organ, anyway, even though I was sick. The chorister told me to keep a barf bag, behind the organ, just in case. The bishopric told me that if I didn't play the organ, that God would make me SICKER. I was undergoing painful hospital treatments, and not one of the Mormons ever called to ask how I was doing, once they knew I wouldn't be there to play the organ. I might as well have died, as far as they were concerned. I did get one visit from 2 bishopric men, who tried to persuade me to give free organ lessons, so someone could substitute for me. I was sick in bed, on sick-leave from work, and could barely feed my kids, and they argued with me to give FREE organ lessons. They lied to me, and promised me that if I gave the lessons, God would give me the strength to get out of bed and do so!

I agree with Crazyhorse. Mormons as a group, following Mormon policy and Mormon social manners, Mormon assertiveness training, Mormon missionary sales training, Mormon priesthood power-weilding, and telling Mormon lies, will try to FORCE you to do what they want you to do. These certain individuals, in my experience and the experiences of many others on RFM, do not care if YOU are grieving over a dog, YOU are grieving over a parent, YOU are sick, YOU are in pain, YOU have to work for a living, YOU have homework or a test, or anything else in YOUR life.

The above Mormon individuals are taught that the cult matters more than anything else--and I mean anything else!

Read in the New England Journal of Medicine, about how philosophies such as Mormonism DESENSITIZE people to death and suffering, I'll try to post a copy of the article, when I find it in my archives.

Or you can ask my TBM cousin and his TBM past-her-sell-by-date wife, who had 4 babies die within a few days after birth, in four different attempts to have their twelfth baby. Why? Because they decided they wanted 12 children, not just 11 children. They were fine with the deaths. They took the deaths as "already perfected spirits who needed a body only for a day." They happily and self-righteously bore their testimonies about it. I view people like that to be inhuman. Finally, they produced a baby number 12, who will have agonizing physical problems all his life.

It is hard for me to relate to people like that.

I get angry at others who kick people when they are down. Crazyhorse is grieving, and he/she has a right to do that!

You spend more time with your pet than with a spouse or a child, even, every day and night. A one-of-a-kind pet can never be replaced. It does help to focus on where your love is, for instance with family members, other pets you still have, etc. You can make plans to maybe rescue another little fur-person, when you're ready, sometime in the future. Don't close the door on happiness.

(((hugs)))

I grieved deeply both as a LDS and now resigned for good.

My TBM extended family understood death and loss. Some people are just more sensitive than others regardless of one's religion IMO.

You take all the time you need for grieving your pet. Don't worry about things you have no control over.

Just tell them "No," you aren't going. If they don't understand, don't expect them to.

I don't know if they care about anything. My dad told me I should be working when I was on crutches after surgery. This is my life story basically in a nutshell. What human tells someone on crutches that they need to be working. Totally brainless.

Depending on what you do for work, that could be a perfectly acceptable assertion.

I broke my lower leg and missed 6 hours of work. I had a sit down job, they could accommodate my cast and I was able to keep working .

The 6 hours I missed were doctors appointments.

If your job required standing then the doctor would be the one to make the call if you could or could not keep working.