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Posted by: NeverMo in CA ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 11:51AM

I noticed a TBM friend of mine, who is married to a neverMo, posted a link on her Facebook page to the following essay:

https://www.lds.org/blog/who-do-i-choosegod-or-my-husband?cid=HP_TH-26-7-2018_dOCS_fBLOG_xLIDyL2_

Granted, I read through this rather quickly, but I am somewhat impressed/surprised at how open-minded the author is. (I do realize it is sad such a question is being raised in the first place, but still.)

My friend's husband, who is an atheist, was never a Mormon to begin with, so the article doesn't really appear to be regarding her own experience, but maybe she's posted it for others she knows who are Mormon but marred to no-longer-believing spouses. I haven't seen any comments on the article on her FB page yet.

Reading it also makes me wonder if the issue of one spouse leaving Mormonism is becoming so widespread that the church has decided it needs to take a more conciliatory position. Anyway, apologies if some here have already read it, but if not I thought you might find it interesting.

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:04PM

I am in a situation like your friend's husband; an atheist married to a Mormon.

I have often heard from my wife that she feels she must choose between the church or me. She's been saying it for the past five years, and most recently about four months ago.

She genuinely expected me to convert, though I had told her repeatedly before we were married that I never would.

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Posted by: NeverMo in CA ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:12PM

I'm sorry to hear that, GregS. I know from what my friend has told me that she doesn't expect her husband to ever convert, and she seems fine with that, although who knows--I obviously have no idea what really goes on in their marriage. Still, they do seem pretty happy. Maybe your wife should read this.

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:28PM

During the good times, when we're not arguing about the church, she could write something similar to the article.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:08PM

divorcing someone because they no longer believe. I was taught we were to endure to the end. So what does that mean to mormons? Enduring to the end. If they really believe in their religion, don't they have faith? If the children were to not believe any more, do parents divorce their children?

I think it is the attitude of we have to have everything right now. Like people who get married think they need to have nice furniture and a nice home NOW. They don't think they need to work up to that point. My parents had 3 children when they got a nice home and 1 on the way. My dad had gone through school after they married while my mother stayed home. My dad worked swing shift.

But everything is throwaway these days. So your spouse doesn't believe, he's the best man out there, so throw him away and look for some loser mormon priesthood man to marry. And there are a few of them out there. I would NEVER have dated a mormon again after my ex left me. I had seen what there was when I was dating mormons.

The answer to the question for them is they can have both IF THEY SO CHOOSE. Stupid women. I'll never get over a woman who throws away a good man over loss of belief in mormonism. If she does, she didn't deserve him in the first place.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:14PM

"God or my husband?"

Pick the one who loves you more.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:17PM

I saw one of the Baptist's "thoughts" posted on the church 2 blocks away from me (yes, in little mormon Hyrum, Utah, a baptist church and a Catholic one). It had something to do with talking to God and then I realized, I know my dad and mom better than I know God. I don't know God. That was quite an eye-opener for me.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:39PM

:)

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Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 12:56PM

I'm glad that someone has tackled this at church-issued site. I agree with Elder Berry (as usual) that you pick the one who loves you more. Another way to put it is as my very late mother did, who never lost her swearing talents after joining the Mormon church: "Wish in one hand, and shit in the other; see which one fills up first." Religion is a wish and a hope. When I left the church (now almost 10 years ago!), it affected my marriage, and still does. But my wife, having been the good Mormon wife who always depended on me, saw which side of the bread was buttered, and didn't give in to anyone who said to leave me. I have to give her that. Moreover, she's a pragmatic type, and has a much better approach to Mormonism than most Mormons do. Our marriage never actually totally recovered, and she spends many hours being aloof. But still, staying married is cheaper and easier for all.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 01:12PM

cludgie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Moreover, she's a pragmatic
> type, and has a much better approach to Mormonism
> than most Mormons do. Our marriage never actually
> totally recovered, and she spends many hours being
> aloof. But still, staying married is cheaper and
> easier for all.

I couldn't agree with you more cludgie. It is heartwarming to find someone else for whom I've had such mirrored experiences.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: August 08, 2018 03:01PM

Thanks for posting this writing. I enjoyed reading it, finding the author very articulate, compassionate, and intelligent. I found myself hoping that someday she will join her husband in his discovery.

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Posted by: Betty G ( )
Date: August 10, 2018 01:07AM

Not sure what Mormons believe, but Baptists believe in the Bible.

Many Baptist take 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 far too literally, and do not understand it fully...though Paul clarifies it more clearly in the 1 Corinthians 7:13 where it states

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If a brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.…

Just a thought. If your husband cheats on you, by all means, kick that...well things I can't say here...out. If he beats and abuses you, kick that "jerk" out. But if it's simply an unbelieving spouse...Well...Paul told us what to do centuries ago.

On that note, don't Mormon's believe in the Bible?

Wouldn't this tell them they should remain married I these instances?

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Posted by: sbg ( )
Date: August 10, 2018 09:12AM

It should, but the "church" seems more worried that if the unbeliever controls the finances they might not get their full 10% of income.

Got to have everyone toeing the company line.

Also that "EVIL" unbeliever might just convert the believer to their way of thinking.

But yes, I agree that is pretty clear that disbelief is not grounds to kick someone to the curb.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: August 10, 2018 09:14AM

Betty G Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> On that note, don't Mormon's believe in the
> Bible?
>
> Wouldn't this tell them they should remain married
> I these instances?

They say they do.
But they have an "out" -- in their "prophets."
It's an "out" that lets them make up rules, then say they're direct from god -- so they over-rule Paul.

Personally, I don't really care what some never-married guy who lived a couple thousand years ago and was clearly delusional said about anything. I'd rather make decisions based on everything humans have learned in the past 2000 years, on what's best for me and the people I care about, and on reason.

I'm just pointing out why mormons can keep conflicting ideas like "we believe in what the bible says" and "our prophets tell us things different from what the bible says" in their heads and not feel like they're contradicting themselves...

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Posted by: MCR ( )
Date: August 12, 2018 10:48PM

Paul may have been delusional but he had some very good things to say about perceiving the value of human beings--and this statement about how the believer sanctifies the unbeliever is one of them. It comes down to the depth of character of the person claiming to be the believer. He's saying, you can't blame your spouse for anything--it's on you. And that's the essence of the divorce-the-nonbeliever problem--blame. As you pointed out, Hie, the church loves blame because that's how it gains and retains control for its own ends--tithes, time, talents, and scared people who will sacrifice others to the church. Strong, self-reliant people may feel no need for the church--but Paul never seemed to worry about that--to his credit.

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Posted by: Elder What's-his-face ( )
Date: August 10, 2018 10:41AM

I thought it was a good read. Since she's becoming a Communications Expert, I find it interesting that *her* story is so similar to countless members' actual lives. Whether it's a true story or not, it is an interesting and long needed trial balloon for LDS,Inc. to try out. I hope it will eventually lead to a softening of the hive mentality.

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Posted by: namarod ( )
Date: August 10, 2018 05:47PM

Now we need one of the Q15 to give the same type of talk in General Conference.

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Posted by: Free Man ( )
Date: August 10, 2018 09:44PM

Marriage is a scam. You're supposed to love unconditionally, but turns out it ends when religion or status or income or whatever changes.

Most guys don't realize they're just a few paychecks away from being divorced.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 13, 2018 12:01PM

Free Man Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Marriage is a scam.

Many many times it is.

> You're supposed to love
> unconditionally, but turns out it ends when
> religion or status or income or whatever changes.

I don't think you are supposed to love unconditionally. There is a world of difference between a spouse getting cancer and a spouse not helping support in a partnership.

Depression should be something to weather like cancer but in our Protestant work ethic society the effect of debilitating depression would be seen as slacking.

So while marriage is a scam, the concept of pair (or more) bonding isn't in my opinion. Regardless of whatever circumstances people are in, their abilities to work together for their mutual benefits and shared emotional support is a beautiful thing in human existence in my opinion.

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: August 11, 2018 12:02AM

He wasn't trying to be manipulative. He was in despair because he believed that we would be separated for eternity. I have reassured him over the years that if I go first, I'll wait for him. If he goes first, I'll find him.

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Posted by: EXON46 ( )
Date: August 13, 2018 01:48PM

Your in charge of moving a bridge to let boats and trains pass.
You see a baby on the track and the train approaching.
Save the baby or save the train?
Then oh hell a boat is also coming.
Move the bridge and the baby falls into the river and the train follows after crashing into the boat.
You choose to save the baby. You move and step into a bear trap.
You can chew through your leg or just watch what unfolds.
A bear jumps on the track and takes the baby. The train crosses the bridge killing the bear. The boat crashes into the bridge and explodes. The train derails and falls into the river.
The hunter comes back to check the trap. Finds only your bones still stuck in the trap.
the end.

You know your husband loves you. Why would you think an invisible being loves you? Together you can defeat any obstetrical. Even a pretend one.

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Posted by: readwrite-NLI ( )
Date: August 13, 2018 02:07PM

Do your husband...

Right

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