Date: August 14, 2018 03:31AM
Great advice from Summer, ExmoJohn, and others.
I agree that you can make those personal changes, within the parameters of your marriage. As exmoJohn wrote, you need to make those changes, anyway, for your own happiness.
I have been where you are, but I was the one clinging to Mormonism, like your wife is. My husband was honest, and explained exactly why he felt Mormonism is a hoax. He was kind, and never interfered with my church attendance, or the children's, but he absolutely did not support the cult in any way. He did not give them any money, he would not wear the underwear, he would not attend any meetings. He didn't even go to the children's little church talks and performances (which are designed to make the parents attend. I admired his integrity, and understood his human right to make choices for himself. I felt sad, and was treated like an awkward, marginalized single woman in the ward. I witnessed how badly the Mormons treated my husband when he became inactive, and I didn't blame him at all for not wanting to socialize with them. I didn't either, eventually. After about a year, I became inactive, too, along with my children. What a change for the better, for all of us!
You don't really know the outcome! You aren't a fortune teller or a prophet. How do you know your wife won't change, when you change, when her social life changes (it already has, in a new ward), when she had no prestige and is blamed because her husband is inactive, when the children are grown and out of the house, etc.? It would be a happy change, if your children become happier. (The Mormon cult abuses children.) As your wife's narrow, FAKE world changes, she will have no choice but to change. It will be a happy change. Give her the unconditional love that everyone craves, and that no one ever receives in Mormonism!
Once you are free from all those Mormon annoyances you mentioned, you might find that you are very happy in your life, and in your marriage! Really! Mormonism was responsible for 80% of my problems, and I thought I was depressed. After officially resigning from the church, I have been very happy, and able to cope with real life, and all its problems, and difficult people, and even abuse, with strength and courage. The petty things aren't important, anymore. Perhaps, when you're free, the Mormon church will be no more than a petty annoyance to you.
Many couples "agree to disagree."
MCR had a good point, that the cult carries a lot of the blame for your children's rebellion. Your children probably feel even more trapped and powerless and unhappy in Mormonism. Help yourself, and then help them!
My brother and his wife actually wrote their own marriage contract. You and your wife are free to be the heads of your household--make your own rules, and disregard the ones that aren't important.
You can turn around your own thinking.
I agree that the separations will be good for you. Most great marriages involve being separated for business trips, guy camping and fishing trips, girls' nights out, trips alone back home to visit family, even separate vacations. Everyone needs various amounts of "alone time." Schedule it into your marriage--and you don't have to make it a complete "separation", just mini-vacations.
Next time, you might want to take your wife along with you, just the two of you, because parents need together-time away from kids.
Get rid of your Mormon "all-or-nothing" thinking.
Please see a non-Mormon therapist.