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Posted by: anybody ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 08:45PM

I suppose the Carolinas and Virginia are pious and holy enough to deserve divine protection -- unlike "sinful" New Orleans...

Televangelist Pat Robertson spoke at a special prayer service at his Christian Broadcasting Network today, ordering Hurricane Florence not to harm any of his facilities and to turn back out to sea.

At the moment, Hurricane Florence is a Category 4 storm that is expected to hit the eastern coast of the United States sometime later this week. In preparation, Robertson is declaring a “shield of protection” over his CBN network and Regent University and calling on God to intervene and turn the storm away from land.

Robertson claimed that when he first arrived in Virginia in 1961 to establish CBN, the region was threatened by Hurricane Esther, which he feared would destroy his fledgling network. As such, Robertson and his staff gathered in prayer and commanded the storm to shift course, which he claims miraculously happened because God stepped in to save CBN.

With another storm approaching, Robertson again gathered with CBN staff today to order Florence to veer away from land and produce no damage.

“I don’t want that thing to come in,” Robertson said. “I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t wait it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.”

Robertson then commanded Florence, in the name of Jesus, to change its path away from land and to spin off into the Atlantic ocean.

“We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!”

Robertson then assured those who had gathered in prayer that they will “live to mark this day” as the moment when their prayers guaranteed that “we are not going to let Hurricane Florence hurt us.”

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:18PM

Oh, I feel so much better now.

But, um, if and when it doesn't veer away and does produce damage...go we get to burn Robertson at the stake for being a false prophet? I'll bring the matches...

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:24AM

I think we get to stone him.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 08:59AM

That'll do.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:23PM

What a win-win for him!!!

If the hurricane boners out, he gets the credit!

If the hurricane does all the damage it can, he can take the credit for giving all those sinners the chance to have avoided it all... But no!, they had to keep on sinning!!

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Posted by: lisadee ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 06:10PM

elderolddog Wrote:
> What a win-win for him!!!
> If the hurricane boners out, he gets the credit!
> If the hurricane does all the damage it can, he
> can take the credit for giving all those sinners
> the chance to have avoided it all... But no!,
> they had to keep on sinning!!

No. He doeant get the credit. God does.
PR isnt the only person praying for this storm to dissipate. Every Believer has been praying, the people in the path and all over the country.

If it be God's will, He will command the wind and waves. Peace! Be still!
In the name of Jesus, amen.

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Posted by: ookami ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:27PM

Robertson casts "Shield of Protection."

CBN gets +5 protection.

Hurricane Florence does 75 damage.

CBN killed.

Robertson lacks revive potion.

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Posted by: midwestanon ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:39PM

Ironically, Robertson strikes me as one of those ‘Dungeons and Dragons is devil worship’ types.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:32PM

Is the Shield of Protection related to The Cone of Silence?

"Good thinking, 99"

(Old people will get that)

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:45PM

Hahahaha. Guess I'm old!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 09:55PM

I wonder if this works like a condom?

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 02:59AM

A hole-y one

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Posted by: CateS ( )
Date: September 11, 2018 10:33PM

The meteorologist on CBN is a guy with the last name Bastardi.

Poor schmuck.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 02:18AM

The Colgate--knock, knock--invisible shield.

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Posted by: Anon 3 ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 03:16AM

There will be a big fundraising to fix that campus ofgod and he will claim it was needed. No one quotes how this is caused by the sinfulness of the world not Myrtle beach.

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Posted by: mikemitchell ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 03:29AM

Isn't he the same knucklehead who said that Haiti was in league with the devil?

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Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:31AM

Here I was sitting in SC on pins and needles about Florence. Wish I had known earlier about that fabulous "Shield of Protection!" Well, when it fails, I have my other shield of protection, my insurance company. And to think we were all worried about high winds, flooding, and the hurricane giving birth to babies called tornados.
Stupid Pat Robertson. And, by the way, when he prays he looks like he's taking a crap.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/12/2018 08:33AM by Aquarius123.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 10:29AM

Aquarius123 Wrote:
And, by the way, when he
> prays he looks like he's taking a crap.

LOL !!!


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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 02:51PM

That information convinces me that Pat Robertson gets his ,

"inspiration" from breathing too many of his farts. It explains


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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 09:28AM

delusional moron

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Posted by: snowball ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 02:39PM

However it turns out, his viewers will need to turn out more money.

1) Look how God is on our side, he turned his wrath southward to afflict sinners--pay money.

2) Our ministry has been devastated by this storm--please help!

Think win, win!

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 03:14PM

On the perhaps flippant notion that Mr. Robinson's shield doesn't work out, I really hope that the many people in that area who have been streaming inland will be safe.

I have a former high school classmate who lives in Asheville. I hope he and his family have had the sense to get out.

I can well remember taping windows, sandbagging doors, and loading up supplies to "ride out" hurricanes while in Louisiana. We had three feet of water in our house once, which was a nasty situation. However, we had decamped to Baton Rouge for a few days to escape the worst of it.

We had to borrow a canoe to access our house (which was standing in about a meter of water) afterwards. I remember thinking how bizarre it was - so very still, except for birds singing. The sun was shining, flowers were blooming, and there was all this water everywhere, with my house like an island, in the middle of it all.

I can remember putting my 4-year-old son on my shoulders (I didn't dare leave him alone with all that water around - it was flowing at a fair-to middling speed, and would have knocked him over) and for some reason, felt it was necessary to check the mail. This involved trekking through thigh-deep water, with son on my shoulders. We saw a water moccasin gliding toward us.

After hours of hauling up sodden carpet, I was exhausted and aching, and in a foul mood. I fired a thought at that snake: Don't even mess with me. I will tie you into a knot!

Fortunately, it glided right by, though passing easily within striking distance.

Floods are a VERY nasty experience.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 06:25PM

If Pat really believes his prayed-for shield will be put in place by his god-thing, then he should go stand on the coast in shorts and a t-shirt, and let the storm NOT blow him out to sea.

If he doesn't do that, he clearly doesn't believe his own BS. If he does, I'll at least give him (which he doesn't merit now) points for honesty and sincerity. Or, at least, I'll give him those points if they ever find his body...

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 06:38PM

They are emphasizing now that the floods will be "catastrophic". The storm has slowed down, which at first sounds good, if you don't know weather, except they're explaining that that is a worse situation as it sticks, pouring torrential rain in one location, for longer than if it would keep moving.

I am scared for the people who didn't leave. Some were still on the beach this morning. It looked beautiful but weather reports were scary. One guy interviewed yesterday said he couldn't leave his fish and chip business but his family got out. And others have chosen to stay as well to try and minimize damage to their property. I can sympathize with that impulse but from afar it sounds off. As they say, you can replace the stuff (hopefully) but not your life.

I can't turn away from the wall to wall weather forecasts. Doesn't happen every day.

The fire/flood/doom folks must be packing for heaven as we speak. Imagine expecting and welcoming disaster as it heralds a new world, a better place. Kinda selfish though, as according to certain theology (JW anyone, cough, cough), only a small number will make it.

I don't wanna be in heaven without you, and you, and you, and you...

But seriously, our hearts are with our southern neighbours in their times of great affliction. This qualifies for sure. I hope most left the area. When even emergency responders are packing up and getting out you know it's going to be rough.

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Posted by: PTLBarnum ( )
Date: September 15, 2018 10:45PM

I remember watching Pat on the 700 Club where
He would be “inspired” with what he called a
“Word of Knowledge” about somebody viewing,
That they would be heal d of some sickness, money was about to
Come into their life,etc.

I wonder what the track record was for them?!

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