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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 06:33PM

I think this is a fair question!

We ‘know’ the earth’s age because the Bible tells us so, and we have a basic understanding of the manner in which the job was done..

But was it done using a kit and following instructions, or was ghawd all macho and did he just whimsically grab whatever was at hand and shove it in?

But one thing we know fore sure: he knew we would one day plumb the depths of the ocean, so he made organisms to live there and entertain us. This is very much the sign of a loving, caring, deeply involved ghawd.

https://m.scmp.com/news/world/americas/article/2163810/scientists-discover-three-ghostly-new-sea-creatures-64km-deep?amp=1

Also noteworthy: ghawd loves beetles!! Look up J.B.S. Haldane for the basis of my assertion.

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 06:44PM

Wow!

These new species are BEAUTIFUL!

Thank you, EOD.

These new species are amazing to me.

[P.S. The original video link had an announcement that we--I am assuming here in the USA--have to go to YouTube the see the video, because the video provided on the original link can't be shown here. No big deal, but anyone coming after me should know they may have to click on a new link, which is provided, to get there.]

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 06:49PM

Hey, that's my line!

"That he has an inordinate fondness for beetles."

I stole it first!

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 06:52PM

Proof of Brother O'Dawg's reprehensible plagiarism:


"This reminds me of one of my favorite stories.

The great biologist J.B.S. Haldane was giving a speech on evolution to an audience that included a number of august theologians. One of them stood and asked him a question: "what have your studies taught you about our Lord Creator?"

Haldane paused for a moment and then said, "that he had an inordinate fondness for beetles."




https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2085663,2085682#msg-2085682

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:15PM

I am in awe that I would find myself worthy of stealing from!!

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:19PM

Wait--

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 06:50PM

Well, since you ask... he told me he did it off the cuff. a

mountain range here, a lake here, an ocean a stream. He was

bored on this one rainy weekend. He was really proud of it when

it was done.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 06:53PM

Don't forget the dinosaur bones.

Where would we be without the dinosaur bones?

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 07:14PM

Lot's Wife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Don't forget the dinosaur bones.
>
> Where would we be without the dinosaur bones?


*slaps forehead*.... Goddammit.... I completely forgot about the bones.

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 07:21PM

For decades the standard answer was he used parts of other no longer needed planets to form this one. Thus the dinosaur and othe fossils.

"Yonder is matter unorganized. Go ye therefore down and organize it after the manner of worlds we have here to fore organized."

Also he used left over animal parts to make the duck billed platypus.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 07:36PM

The earth was made from a kit, but Gawd (being a dude) ignored the instructions. I’m sure he forced a few things to fit, and I bet there’s a few left over parts.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 07:42PM

Guys- you're way over thinking this. We know God could turn water into wine. He probably made the earth when he was half in the bag. Woke up a few mornings going "What?" "I did what"? "What the fuck is a Platypus?"

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 07:55PM

Ha ha. Most likely.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:50PM

Or, "What was I thinking when I made that hairless ape?"

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:30PM

So like StillAnon suggests, was God on a bender? Or, was whoever wrote the Bible on the bender?

The creation for your consideration:


So God looked into he void--void meaning empty space--and then moved his spirit across the waters---in the empty space. Not making sense. Was it a void or not?

Then he makes light. I guess so he wouldn't need to continue to use his infrared vision. This wasn't the sun he made mind you. That is later. So where is this light coming from?

Then he separates the light from the darkness. Wouldn't light by its unique properties of being light already be automatically separated from the darkness? Can you really have both at the same time?

Then we got the waters and the firmament all over the place. The water is over the firmament, under the firmament, and the firmament is the earth and then everything is getting divided and then the firmament is heaven with the waters still over it. Okie Dokie, then.

Next God plants a lawn and some more landscaping. Plants all over the place. No sun yet so no photosynthesis to keep the plants alive and growing, but hey, he's God. End of day three.

Day four. Finally God puts two lights in the heavens. The sun,( or Shinehah according to Joseph Smith,) and the moon.( Was that Glowahah? I forget.) So anyway, that means the Sun is even younger than the earth! The sun is only maybe 4,000 years old. Wow.

I mean, who wrote this? They had some seriously good grapes back in the day for sure.

Worse, who believes this?

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 08:35PM

Hey, stop using logic. Logic is a tool of the adversary.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 09:38PM

A kit. He should have used the plastic cement with better ventilation.

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Posted by: Concerned Citizen 2.0 ( )
Date: September 12, 2018 09:56PM

...our current "7 day" universe was built in kit form....I don't know what they use now.

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1342/5013/products/solar-4m_large.jpg?v=1472086220

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 09:26AM

Where did god get all of those dinosaur fossils ?

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 10:32AM

Why are so many fossils found in Utah? Especially SLC.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 10:39AM

I don't know but we should all be proud of him for re-cycling. He's eco friendly!

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 11:12AM

Obviously a kit.
They sell them here:

http://www.fascinations.com/metalearth

You just don't see the "Make an Earth Kit" because you need the secret Elohim password (the one they DON'T give out in the temple) to see it. Price is $9,999,999,999,999,999.99. No worries for Elohim -- the mormons raise lots of money for him!

Then he wrote a book about it...

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0903/3194/products/How_to_Make_a_Planet_a_1024x1024.jpg?v=1497987453



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/13/2018 11:15AM by ificouldhietokolob.

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Posted by: Void K. Packer ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 11:40AM

I seem to recall being informed that Telestial Kingdomers are forced labor that in part manufacture those Make-o-planet kits. They are given to Celestial Kindomers when they enter the pearly gates for their starter planets (radio isotopes not included, some assembly required).

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 01:09AM

Santa’s elves build planets during the off season.

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Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 03:10PM

The point is that based on ancient Sumerian texts the earth is at the least millions of "earth years" old. Maybe more!!!

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 05:05PM

Yes.
But they were just guessing. They didn't actually know how old it was. So while they might have been "closer" to the actual number than the bible literalists come up with, they didn't know anything more about it than the bible storywriters did.

We do. 4.54 billion earth years, give or take a couple hundred million :)

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Posted by: 3X ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 06:01PM

God sneezed; we are the sneeze byproducts.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 06:47PM

What if we're from the other end?

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 09:52PM

Creatio ex nihilo, wankers! No assembly required.

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 11:18PM

Back when I was a kid and the church was absolutely certain about doctrines they now deny ever teaching, I was told on more than one occasion that God had to make all his worlds without number identical to each other and identical to all the other gods' worlds without number. Because, you know, there's only one true way to do things -- in this life and eternity.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 11:38PM

So everywhere in the universe old men grow luxurious hair in their ears?

How awesome is that!?!

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: September 13, 2018 11:48PM

So every plant has it's very own Dallin Oaks?

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 01:41AM

Fertilizer a plenty—
When his bowels empty,
On the unsuspecting loons
Being groomed as Q15 baboons.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 02:34AM

Me?

I'm glad (as the story goes) "he" took a Spare Rib & made women;

Women who make donuts while menfolk are at important meetings;

Women with (gasp) Bare Shoulders & 'ugly knees';

Women secretaries who are (claimed to be) fat & ugly;

Women who don't stand up before a leader/husband does...

Am I clear on this?

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 03:55AM

Ghawd was assigned a science project by his teachers. He procrastinated and procrastinated because his heart wasn't in the assignment. He wanted to go play with Ghawdolina, his best friend, and enjoy her perfectly divine baked goods and then go play in one of her divinely perfect universes.

Ghawdolina was many eons ahead of Ghawd in her studies and always paid attention to detail.

Ghawd, on the other hand, was such a slacker and layabout that most people at the Divine School of Divine Engineering and Research wondered how he ever got into the school. ("Must be a legacy admission," many mused amongst themselves.)

Long story short, Ghawd found himself totally unprepared when he realized he had only six "god days" left before the assignment was due. (He had received the assignment 365 god days previously.) He rushed around and put something together as fast as he could. A little "god glue" here, some "god duct tape" there. Some sprinklings of random "god dust" and proto-organic recipes hastily mixed without proper measuring instruments...and then he was at the end of the sixth day and the project was due.

He got an "F" and the criticism was harsh. "You're whole sexual reproduction strategy is all messed up" frowned one of the reviewing committee members. "Too many bad side effects. Too much instability." Another one criticized Ghawd for the cruel energy input and recycling design. "Everything that lives has to rely on something else dying...and many creatures actually have to poison, stab, bite or claw other creatures to death in brutal, painful ways just in order to keep living themselves. Fear is constant. Why didn't you ask Ghawdolina for some advice, her photosynthesis energy input design for all creatures was very elegant and the best thing was her patented 'twinkle in/twinkle out' design that allowed creatures to enjoy enter the world and exit the world in a dignified manner, without leaving a messy corpse to have to be disposed of."

The criticism went on for many "god hours" and when it was over, Ghawd just took his project outside and dropped it in a dumpster on the way home. Ghawd's first and last project. Welcome to Planet Earth.

(It's not all bad. Lots of beauty, if you know where to look, while constantly looking over your shoulder lest you be eaten or smitten with a mighty smitey thing or something else among many possible ways to meet your demise. It was made from divine components, after all. But the overall design? Not up to par for the Divine School of Divine Engineering & Research.

And now you know....the rest of the story. ;o)

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 05:51AM

The real question: Wayfair or IKEA?

I've always wondered, if dinosaur bones came from another planet that was apparently sold as scrap to make earth, why were there dinosaurs on that other planet? Fossils all by themselves almost broke my shelf. I grew up in a fossil-rich area with strip mines that I played in. Fossils were everywhere.

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 01:27PM

I don't want to make any waves, but a few years ago I turned over a big rock and it was stamped "Aurora Plastics Corp. © 6,000 B.C."

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 08:25PM

That rock is out of warranty. Earth parts are only guaranteed for 7,000 years.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: September 14, 2018 03:16PM

I once took a box of fossils to church as part of a misguided attempt to teach a lesson about the wonders of creation. No one in the class gave a "crap" about the point of my lesson but they all wanted to know where I found the fossils. ???

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Posted by: moremany-NLI ( )
Date: September 16, 2018 11:39AM

You figure God is a (one) person?
That might be broken down too much.

What if it was left with 'who cares',
right off the bat?

The music has always been playing.

So have we!

M@t

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