But the best I managed, still rather confused about it all and not wanting to lose peer-approval, was:
"I'm so glad to be home, and be able to hold a girl's hand if I like her. And I'm heading to the beach tomorrow! And I'm not going to ride a bike for at least six months!"
That got both chuckles and a few disapproving tsk-tsks from the ward...
Not a homecoming talk but I did attend a farewell where the kid actually said he didn't believe in it but was going out anyway to see if everything he'd been taught was a lie or not. It was quite remarkable - especially watching the Bishops face up on the stand.
I moved from the ward shortly after so never knew how long he stayed out or if he completed or came home or if he had a conversion and became super TBM.