Anyone here tried going back to church BUT then said to themselves NO NO NO!! and quit for good?

I was out for a couple of years and my new wife (a nevmo) wanted to see the cult first-hand. She insisted that I take her to church so she could experience what I went through. It was a huge bowl of awkward.

I hadn't been to church in a while and I was surprised to see many of the members pulling out their cell-phones and texting other people during the service. There were people reading novels tucked inside the hymn books. It seemed that less than 2% of the people there were actually focused on the rambling speaker (who apologized for not spending any time actually preparing for his talk).

This experience we had was back in 2006. I'm not sure how the church services are now. As a TBM youth I would have never guessed that what I saw was where the church would end up.

Not that boredom and disconnect should be dismissed. Frankly, to me, they are serious problems with the quality of the LDS church services.

So...aside from the fact that the church is a lie - the services are terrible. I would rather wear a hair-shirt for an hour than suffer through another mormon sacrament meeting. Seriously.

I gave it a second chance and go around at 29 years old just to make sure and I did not like what I found with the secret handshakes and such. That literally killed it for me.

I went one Sunday about five years ago for a Christmas service because my TBM husband asked me to.
The music was Christmas, the talks were all about Joseph Smith. I actually had to explain to him how inappropriate that was and how it might look a little cultish to anyone visiting.

I stopped attending when I went away to grad school. I started attending again when I moved back and started work. My roommate wanted to start going to church regularly, so we gave it a try... 99% was to meet girls and 1% to keep our parents happy.

During the first 10 years after I had reached the unavoidable/inevitable conclusion that Churchco was a man-made farce...and even among farces, was not a particularly well-designed farce. (The Catholics at least get those 1,000-year-old cathedrals.)

But walking away from it wasn't a fun or profitable thing for me. My whole world had been Churchco-centered. I had no desire to smoke, drink or attend orgies. Leaving meant watching a huge wall of awkwardness immediately pop up between me and all of my friends, relatives, associates and so on. I no longer was part of a network of people who would pass on information on job opportunities and such (because someone was looking to employ or help out a "faithful" Mormon).

So, yeah, there were times when I felt like getting my damitol and fukitol prescriptions renewed and then...being medicinally fortified...going back to see if I could figure out a way to "make it work" and see what internal compromises I could come up with that would make it possible for me to be a happy handshaking, full active member again.

Never worked for even a day.

I couldn't unsee the nonsense.

Sitting through a priesthood meeting where some schlub is spending 30 minutes talking about home-teaching stats and signing people up for various busy-work projects.

Sitting in Sunday school watching people read whole pages from the lesson manual, knowing that they had zero comprehension of what they were reading and its logical implications and less than zero comprehension of the related history.

Sitting in Fast & Testimony meeting, watching 6-year-old kids being coached to say that they "knew" this, that and the other thing, while I knew that the only thing those kids really knew was that they would be getting more fruitloops and oreo cookies if they played along with their parental unit on this farce.

Then someone would inevitably mention something about the temple, and I immediately realized that I could never go through that charade again with a straight face.

It was sad. I wanted to fit in, but I couldn't. I felt like First Officer Spock stuck in the middle of thousands of insanely enthusiastic middle school students at a convention titled "Justin Bieber or Ariana Grande: Which one is the best singer in the history of the world?"

When you can't belong, you know you don't belong.

+1 This is how I felt every Sunday that I attended. It now makes me laugh that Mormons always told me that if I didn't 'feel the spirit' while enduring all this crap it was my fault!

No, because I didn't quit until I was 100% sure that it was just not what it purported itself to be. So there'd never be any point in trying to go back.

But upon entering the building again, for a friend's mom's funeral, I quickly realized that I did not fit in with those people at all anymore. So even if I wanted to, I really couldn't go back.

Yes, following my parents deaths in 2000. Returned out of nostalgia for a part of my past connecting me to my parents. It was one of the worst decisions I made up to then in my lifetime.

The only good that came out of it was it reinforced why I'd left previously, and then some. Returning was the impetus for my resigning in 2005. Resigning was the best way I knew to cut the ties.

Kind of like getting back in the sack with your ex. What could go wrong?

+1000
It will never be like ol' times.

39-40 years ago, I made a last gasp effort to get active when I had moved to San Diego area after graduating from college. I joined into a YA group that were mostly kids from Southwestern JC that lived nearby. They were from 3 years younger to maybe two years older than me. The activities they did reminded me of stuff I did in Jr HS in SLC. So I only lasted a few times and I gave up for last time.

They sent missionaries after me for a while too. They quit coming when I invited them in for a) a beer, b) a whiskey, or c) a joint. Then it was some older guys that tried to come late at night with demands that I needed to go to a meeting with the Bishop. I always said no.


I finally resigned for good in 1990. Only times I have been in a Mormon ward house since was for the funeral of my step-dad.

You said no? You could have made it conditional on the bishop paying for the reefer. All for their best welfare of course.

Dumb and stupid back then I guess. I just knew it would get them to lay off if I offered them things that were illegal to them.


I remember that one of the guys that came to door late at night looked exactly like a Zombie under the yellow light. He scared my GF to death at the way he looked one time. I was OOT when the guy came. She would not open the door.

Very frequently I still have vivid dreams of being a missionary. EVERY time I have that type of dream I am so MAD at myself for letting myself get suckered back in. I'm always wondering why in the world would I ever allow that? Then I wake up and im relieved to realize that it was only a dream and Im not a mormon missionary. I have never been able to lucid dream so I usually believe whatever the hell im dreaming.

I did go to sacrament a few months ago. The ward used to be a pretty decent size when I was active, even using the overflow seating on some sundays. But the day I went was a missionary farewell and Id say there wasn't more than 40 people in attendance and half were visiting just for the missionary. The ward shrunk, or maybe it was an off day. I sometimes get the itch to go, not out of religious devotion, just a macabre itch I get to torture myself.

My wife went to attend a sacrament meeting last year. To be honest, it scared the hell out of me. My wife is one of those bubbly-social persons and I was afraid that she was going to get swept back into the church with its hidden undertow.

To my relief, she was back after an hour. I asked her if she had reconsidered giving the church another go.

"Hell, no! It's still a cult."

She went on to add that nothing has changed since we stopped going 20 years ago. She mentioned that the meeting contained the constant coughing, sneezing and wheezing. The talks still praised old Joe. The only thing that was new involved everybody staring at their smartphones.

My wife manipulated me to go back a few years ago. She wanted a divorce, but I was able to stop it by purchasing new garments and talking one-on-one with her bishop.

In the meeting with the bishop, he belittled me telling me that he had been on the same side I was on and had made a stand to change when he realized the path he was on. He invited me to come back to the 'right' side.

I became angry and asked him what side was I on. He told me that I was sinning and needed to repent. I told him that I was not different from when I went to church versus when I quit. He didn't agree and pushed for information on whether I was drinking, porning, or what. I told him that I wasn't sinning that I just didn't attend church. He told me that that was my sin. I just laughed. The funny thing was that we had just discussed the fact that my wife had cheated with her home teacher, but that was OK because they had both repented. Neither of them ever asked me for my forgiveness, but god has forgiven them.

I attended church and wore my garments for two or three months. The EQP was a coworker that taught priesthood. After everyone sat down, I always went to a meditative state so I could relax and put up with the misinformation that was taught each week. A few times, he called on me to read scripture or ask my opinion of something. I would just laugh inside and continue to meditate with my eyes closed. No one ever tried to wake me.

I attempted to be assigned as a home teacher and asked the bishopric to assign me something to do. I knew I needed this in order to be reprogrammed. Nothing ever happened and nothing was ever assigned to me. I noticed that a lot of the members avoided me; only a few of the people I worked with or previous bishopric members ever really stopped me to say hi or welcome back.

To be honest, I think that the bishop had spread through the ranks that I was coming back and not to be inclusive. Even the EQ would not really invite me or include me in activities.

It has been since 1997 since I received my letter from SLC. I will never go back. I tell my wife of the evil feeling that I get just parking in the parking lot. It took a lot of effort just to go in.

Groo

My "going back" consisted of three funerals and going to sacrament meeting a couple of times when visiting kin. That was more than I could stand -- particularly my older brother pontificating in high priests' group.

- for a while after DW filed divorce I wanted family together ( Still Do!)
I attended & stood for testimony to show I was 'worthy', ha ha


A different SP ex'd me not knowing the full story of her hate & lies...

No mormon leader ever engaged me regarding healing, the truth of ChurchCo complicity was too obvious, too gruesome for them to deal with...

So, my answer to the Q is No.

because my husband was cheating with other men and was the ex. sec. I was not going to talk to the leaders about the gay issue again so that wasn't even a possibility. The bishop kept wanting to talk to me, and after about 2 years of putting him off, I finally went in to talk to him. He told me my husband would be either the next bishop or the one following that. So much for discernment. I went inactive IMMEDIATELY as I knew they'd never call him as a bishop if his wife was inactive.

So after he left me, I was trying to figure out how to fix my mess of a life. I tried going back every now and then. At first, I'd go in to the meetings, but I'd always get asked odd questions like where was my husband. Nobody knew he had left yet as we had been inactive for quite a while. So then I started sitting on the sofas in the foyer and listening to SM, and the leaving. Trying to find SOMETHING of what I thought I had found there before.

Eventually I just quit going back at all. Now like someone above said, if I even try go to something like a funeral, the place feels evil.

Izzy Wrote:
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> Anyone here tried going back to church BUT then
> said to themselves NO NO NO!! and quit for good?

With my wife and children all Mormon I've considered it over and over like a broken record, a day dream, something to please them.

But I could never make Pandora's Box close again. I can't unsee the cat bones in Schrodinger's Box. I can't make The Golden Plates appear again in Hryum's Box.

http://emp.byui.edu/satterfieldb/rel341/Pictures/Hyrum%20Smith%20Box.html

This ruse called Mormonism can't be indulged in anymore. When I found out from Mormon History it wasn't what it claimed to be it was a literal turning point in my life that can't be reconciled with my family. If I went back I would still want the organization to die. I would be supporting something that chooses death and work for dead people over living creation.

I had practically and mentally quit MORmONISM after the nasty / very unpleasant experience of my FOOL time MORmON mission, I just did not realize that exit and then failed to save myself by staying out.

I made the HUGE mistake of letting MORmON style single social programs, -dances, dating and then marriage so effectively drag me back into the MORmON cult. That was a HUGE mistake on my part. My personal life and family life was completely devastated. the MORmON church is Hell on families with their self serving insane MORmON expectations !!!

But my parents made life miserable and I relented. When I turned 21, I left for good and lived happily ever after.

You?

Having studied more about tscc after losing my belief than while I was in it made me realize that those still in are grossly ignorant about their own church. If it weren't so sad it would be funny. They recite whatever is the lesson de jour and walk through their Sunday worrying more about getting Sunday dinner prepared than if what they are being taught has any life relevance whatsoever. Going back, even just to visit, is an exercise in self-torture.