My Declaration of Independence is officially official. Sometimes I need to remind myself that they don't get to define who I am because I left a cult.

They're still in the CULT. When I think back on my experience of attending my brother's funeral last month I was reminded how much shaming goes into being a Mormon, including among family.

The years of dysfunction and separation showed up clearly in the family dynamics among those present.

If only they could see themselves the way others do. Maybe they wouldn't have such a chip on their shoulders all of the time.

So much arrogance and smugness with self-righteousness. Funerals were never meant to be such stiff-necked affairs.

I let loose, I really did. Just being myself, and feeling free enough to observe without reproach. I sang without reserve. The flowers I brought were the most colorful ones there - my brother deserved a nice sendoff. God knows he worked himself to death.

Even a simple gesture like the flowers was met with suspicion and distrust. I am his sister, for golly sakes. What is the problem?

Mormons are so caught up in their pseudo religion they've forgotten how to love, laugh, and just be. They don't get to define me anymore, though they tried. I fought back, and this time I won.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2018 03:32AM by Amyjo.

Well done.

Too often we feel that we have to Dance around members and family by always being polite and gracious like we've done something wrong when in fact they are in the cult, NOT US.

Why do we have to apologise or feel guilty when to stay members it is they who have to avoid the truth.

The church and its members can only have power over us if we give it to them.

Time to unplug!

It's all about control.

Once you realize the power was yours all along, it isn't so hard to take it back. You know, like when Glinda tells Dorothy she always had the power to return to Kansas - it was there inside of her the whole time she was in Oz. She just had to find it for herself.

:-)

And I live in Oz :)

I did once upon a time. My "Emerald City" was Palo Alto, CA.

Are you in Australia?

In Australia, yes the real Celestial Kingdom who speak with a pure Adamic accent.

I partied with some Aussies in a hostel once. Drank me under the bunks.

I was there in the late 90s early aughts, and my cousin has been there for probably 50 years. She taught in Menlo-Atherton.

Lived in Palo Alto way before then. Graduated from high school there and worked a year before moving home to Idaho. I was there from 1976-78.

My grandmother grew up in Menlo Park. A roommate of mine went to Menlo-Atherton.

I grew up in Palo Alto. Was the funeral there? In the ward on Valparaiso?

Ah, Valparaiso! That name holds such meaning for me! You could never imagine all that happened to me there!

Congratulations on getting through that ordeal, and keeping your perspective! My brother's funeral was there, my father's and my mother's funerals were there, too, and I was forced to speak. I still walked on eggshells, and gave complimentary speeches, speaking with love, and told about their accomplishments and experiences (that had nothing to do with religion), that honored these loved ones, and not the cult.

I admire you--that in all your posts about your brother, you show your love and respect for him. I'm sure you did at the funeral, too. I hope your family appreciates you (if not now, then maybe in the near future).

You are loved here on RFM!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2018 01:08AM by Beth.

Thanks for your kind words, exminion.

My bro's funeral was held in Idaho. He spent his adult life there following his mission and BYU Provo.

We grew up (mostly) in SE Idaho. I moved away on my own to Palo Alto following our parents divorce. Then moved back when I was 19.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2018 01:12AM by Amyjo.

Exminion,

I attended the ward on Valparaiso if it was the same one there in the 1970's, several times with the woman who ran the semi-independent living project I was in at the time. She was our social worker and mother hen. I was the only LDS girl in that program, with a LDS social worker running the group of teenage girls lol.

Mostly I attended the university branch or ward for Stanford University, since that was closer to where I lived. I didn't attend regularly and in fact got scared off by two over zealous visiting teachers one time. They came to my apartment and dragged me across the street to theirs to tell me how I wasn't living up to my potential because I wasn't living the Mormon way. I was a teenage girl living with other teenage girls at the time. And we pretty much ran ourselves. We went to high school on our own, and did our own grocery shopping, etc.

That was during my agnostic phase.

But, are you truly 'done'?

What does your life look like, specifically, now that you are 'done'?

I'm popping popcorn!!!

If thy foot offend thee ...

Not even sure it was the flowers. There were so many things weird going on. Initially they'd asked for donations in lieu of flowers to go toward the funeral cost. Then I learned from another brother there was life insurance to cover for that. It may not have had anything to do with that. I felt compelled to getting those for him. It was a beautiful floral bouquet. You don't get a second chance to do that over.

If I were to recruit my own family members, or sat on a hiring board, I’d take the one who hid a stray dog in her closet.

Their loss, Amyjo!

Thanks, Kathleen. You rock!

:)