Walking through a dense thicket of grass on his way home from a special youth activity at the Mormon Ant Colony First Ward, Arnold Hormiga approached a clearing, where he saw a pillar of light, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon Arnold.

"I know what this is!" Arnold exclaimed to himself excitedly, having heard a talk about Joseph Smith's First Vision just 30 minutes earlier at the special youth activity. "I'm going to meet Jesus and Heavenly Father!"

No sooner had he processed these thoughts than he began to feel uncomfortably hot. Scorchingly hot in fact!

"JESUS, TURN DOWN YOUR GLOW!!" he screamed in agony. But it was too late. This was no ordinary episode of Torched by an Angel. This was an extreme torching, apparently inflicted by the glorified incarnate members of the Godhead, and Arnold's little body was now burnt to a crisp.

As his little ant soul ascended heavenward through the light beam, it passed through a large glass-like lens. And, as his soul passed through the lens it could see a face...a human face. The face of a human child...humming a song that sounded familiar to Arnold...a song he had heard many times in Ant Primary.

Unknown to Arnold, the childlike human face belonged to one Charles Funk, Jr., 9 years old. Happily singing his favorite Primary song, "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam," Arnold was playing with the high-quality magnifying glass that his Aunt Norma had just given him for his birthday. Earlier that same morning, Charles thought that he had heard his fast-talking devout Mormon mother saying something about how "ant Mormons should burn for the way that they pass out ant Mormon literature and try to lead people astray."

"Jesus wants me for a sunbeam...a sunBEAM!" Charles continued to sing, thinking about how pleased his mom would be. "Oooh, another ant Mormon!" he cooed as he saw another ant come out from the grass into the little open area where he was focusing his magnifying glass.

[Obligatory disclaimers: (1) No ants were actually harmed in the creation of this story; (2) Magnifying glasses are potentially dangerous tools and parents should teach their children to use such tools carefully and responsibly; (3) violence towards ants of any creed or no creed is cruel and should be discouraged by all responsible people.]

Ha-ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-ha-ha!

I'm really enjoying this short story contest!

Wally Prince, you do not disappoint!

It's not a true story. But it is based on a true story. There actually was a guy named Charles and he allegedly killed an ant. ;o)

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/24/2018 11:57PM by caffiend.

I guess we can count on ghawd teaching us how to play ghawd.

...As Arnold's soul wafted higher, he looked down at his tiny, now crispy, ant body and thought to himself: "So Jesus wanted me FOR a sunbeam, not for me to become a sunbeam. Now I understand. Man, that's deep! I wonder if I'll be covered in chocolate when I get to heaven."

Love it.