I had strong spiritual experiences, especially during high school, that told me I should become a firefighter. I wanted to help people and serve my community. I knew this was my purpose in life. And with Church...that was all that mattered. I loved seminary, Church, youth camp, everything. The ward was truly my family.

But then my shelf broke when I was in college (majoring in public health so I could get a degree before going through the fire academy) and I don’t believe in the Church at all. It caused so much depression and anxiety that I dropped out of school and let everything go, including my fitness. My reasoning: why even try when nothing matters?

Now, I work 40 hours in a low paying job that has nothing to do with my original plans. When I’m not working, I’m too hopeless to do anything else other than watch TV and binge eat.

I used to be spiritually and physically healthy with a lot to live for. Now I feel like I don’t really have a future. I have a ridiculous amount of student loans with no degree to show for it. I’m too unhealthy and depressed to be a firefighter. I just SUCK (and I’m ashamed to talk to someone offline about it).

How did you guys bounce back after losing your faith? Did you have to reboot your lives entirely?

Emmett,

I am very sorry to hear your sadness, though I don't understand what you mean by saying your "shelf broke."

I worked as a firefighter for a while, it is very rewarding to help people. You could get your EMT at a community college for very little money, and that could get you into ambulance or other rescue work.

I think one step at a time: can you start walking in the evening instead of binge eating? You may start to feel better when your fitness improves.

I agree that not sliding into depression is hard. My thoughts and hopes are with you.

"My Shelf Broke" is a common term for Exmos. Sort of like "the straw that broke the camel's back" sort of thing.

Little doubts that can't be explained or items that don't add up about the church or make sense are put on an imaginary shelf to be dealt with later. Shelved. You can only tell yourself that "all will be explained in the afterlife" so many times. At some point there is so much on the shelf that it just crashes down under the weight and the realization that the church is false can no longer be ignored and you sit there in the rubble with your eyes open and your blinders off.

There was nothing for me to bounce back from when I lost my faith. I didn't like the purpose that was decided for me by the church. When I left I created my own purpose.

My purpose is far superior to anything anyone else has come up with.

I didn't loose my sense of purpose in life, but that could be because, by personal temperament, I never struggle with low self-esteem and other related issues.

God had been the center of my life when I was Mormon, and continued to be even after I left.

My idea of God has shifted over the years, but my identity of being me never has.

It makes me odd in some respects, and I am ok with that.

I do agree with Mel suggestion that you switch going for a walk over binge eating. The physical activity alone will help with the depression.

Mormonism defined purpose for us. They were as wrong about life's purpose as they are about everything else.

I never fit with Mormonism like you did though by gosh I tried hard enough. So for me, finding the church was false was an enormous relief. I was finally free to be me. Still I had to reboot my life entirely. Loaded up everything I had in a u-haul and moved to another state without knowing even where I would stay. Had to get away.

There is only one way out of a rut. Do something. Do anything. Try stuff till you find yourself again. The more mis-steps you make the more you know you are getting somewhere.

You are still spiritually healthy or you wouldn't even be thinking about these things. You obviously care.

Right now you are like the Great Salt Lake. All the water from tributaries comes in and nothing is going out so it gets so salty nothing can live except those disgusting stinky brine shrimp. Don't be the Salt lake. Get some outlets. Just keep trying things. New books are great. Reading lots of magazines can make you interesting.

Angela is right. For me anytime I am down doing something physical makes me feel good. The best time to go for a walk is when you don't feel like it. Keep your head up and look at the trees and the birds. Sometimes I also like to swear at passers-by so long as they don't hear me. I'm not sure why. Too many people on the planet and I like solitary walks.

Purpose is over rated. Sounds too noble or something.

Be gentle with yourself, yet firm....your body needs good food, exercise, good rest and company. If you can't motivate yourself to do these things then I think a counselor is needed. A counselor is great because there is no family or friend connection and you can be honest with what you are going through.

Thanks for sharing, and hope to hear from you again.

I had my kids who I had to live for. I didn't want to, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other and eventually I dug myself out of the hole.

I also felt relieved to find out the church was not true as my life and what I had been through made no sense if it was true. I'm much more at peace with my beliefs now than I was as a mormon. I also didn't fit into mormonism and I tried very hard to.

If you read my story on this board, you'll see what happened in my life. After I dug myself out, I used to sob because I was in awe that I had made it out.

Right now I'm going through a change in jobs at age 61. I just spent my day being a cashier at Sam's Club. I still have some of my medical transcription left thankfully! But losing the job I had for almost 20 years was really difficult on me. I've been working at home for a long, long time and now I have to be social!!! I'm an introvert.

Anyway, some others said to get out and walk. That is one of the things I did when I finally dug myself out of the hole I was in. It made me feel better about myself.

The reason I kept getting up every morning is mostly because I have children, but I was also raised to get up in the morning and function even when I didn't want to. I didn't want to, but I did it anyway.

cl2, I thought about you just the other day.


You've said here that you have a very deep voice.

Anyway, I was waiting for DH in the doctor's office. The receptionist has deepest female voice I've ever heard. I wondered if she had an injury to her vocal cords. She was telling a couple about her new car--the first new car she's ever had. She was so happy and fun, chatting away in that leather, corduroy and coffee voice. I wasn't eves-dropping, but I just sat there enjoying listening to her.

She seems to be the favorite of the office, and I think that deep, earthy voice has a lot to do with it.

I bet that people who meet you at Sam's Club go away with a good feeling--Just my guess.

:)

The cult *imposed* "purpose" on your.
But it wasn't yours -- it was theirs.

So take yours back.
Or find a new one.

Whatever it is, it'll be yours -- not theirs.
You may be amazed at how satisfying and motivating that is.

Good luck.

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The cult *imposed* "purpose" on you, but it wasn't yours -- it was theirs? So take yours back. Or find a new one.
>
> Whatever it is, it'll be yours -- not theirs. You may be amazed at how satisfying and motivating that is.
>
> Good luck.

Well put HIgh~

Goals change in life like the changing seasons.

The things I used to want to do were seasoned by reality and time.

A f/t job is nothing to sneeze at in a tight economy. If you want to change careers, you still can. It does take motivation. I've heard it said you don't leave a job unless you have another one first to go to.

As for lacking direction and purpose, if you're depressed that's treatable. Have you tried therapy and talking to your physician?

Set little goals for yourself if you don't know where to begin. Like improving your attitude, what you'd like to be doing in five years, etc. Be patient with yourself and open to new possibilities. Be flexible to change, and accept yourself as you are in the meantime. Learning to love yourself is a good place to start.

When I stopped believing in Mormonism didn't cause me to stop believing in God, or to lose my faith. If anything my faith has continued to grow after leaving the cult of Mormonism behind.

Because it is a cult I can see why it had such a stranglehold on us.

You can let that go and still find there is something else for you to believe in besides Mormonism. It isn't an all or nothing proposition.

Have you ever heard of the first law in heaven? Obedience is our purpose in life. Why this is the case is because the holy Correlation program has nurtured us so that our brains only function on Obedience. Isn't this wondrously amazing?

Emmett Wrote:
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> How did you guys bounce back after losing your faith? Did you have to reboot your lives entirely?

I reboot every day. You should too. You probably do. 2 re: boots!
Rather than bounce back, like when you hit a hard surface...
I had a soft landing, into paradise, basically, or reality.
We didn't lose our faith, just the shaky foundation it was built on-LDS.
It's really a gain. We gained purpose, dignity, civility, basically.
Just lost the LDS induced GUILT, nonsense and BS.

You have to want to do things - to do them.
You have to find/ make purpose in you life.
Or find some sense in living - EACH DAY.
Even if it's never the same thing, EVER.

The problem may not be with the world, or you even - if there is one - but with your thinking. How do you WANT TO think of yourself? You can always reinvent yourself. Some of the most successful have. You can always "change" yourself, like your clothes. You can always think of yourself in different ways, if the same ways no longer work. You can stop thinking, if that is the problem BY DOING SOMETHING YOU LOVE, by volunteering, if that does it for you, and others, work-$, by (the arts) passion, purpose, fun, creativity or imagination.

Thinking has the power to change things.
Don't believe me? Don't do it, and see what happens.
[Nothing] See?

There is nothing much to do if you don't want to.
Maybe you're just in a rut. It's rutting season!

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/14/2018 04:19AM by moremany.