My MIL blames me for her son leaving tscc. News of our leaving has spread through the entire family and many of our family members are finding ways of taking it out on me. It's at its worse this time of year. DH stopped talking with his family a couple of years ago because of the way they were behaving toward us. They still find ways through email, text & mail to let us know how much they disapprove and its especially targeted toward me. I just want to not let it affect me so much. It hurts to be their scapegoat. Any advice on how to cope better?

In my situation, the only solution was complete estrangement. Now I have peace of mind. It's one option.

You are finding out what many of us have. Family is Toxic to your well being, happiness and mental health.
Cut them off. Completely. Block them on any electronic media and if need by - get a new phone number and don't give it to anyone associated with them.

You will be more relaxed knowing things will be quieter. Any mail - throw away or "return to sender".

His family, so he should take the lead. If he's stopped talking with them, then at least he's on your side. You may have to threaten no contact if they don't behave. Like toddlers, they will test your resolve, so you'll probably have to show them that you mean what you say. It may be painful for them - growing up is hard to do, after all.

Email, text - send their addresses to the spam filter so you never see it. Or hand the phone to him so he can tell them to f*** off in whatever way he chooses.

Mail - in the trash, unopened and unread, preferably torn up or shredded. Out of sight, out of mind.

You owe them nothing - not your time, energy, or thoughts. You don't need them in your lives. And you absolutely don't want to be part of their worthless forever family. It's past time they realized it.

The Mormon Church: "Toxic Families Can Be Together Forever!" No thank you.

For years, I tried to keep a relationship with my TBM inlaws. They blamed me that my husband and I were not married in the temple. They blamed me when we briefly moved out of the neighborhood. They blamed me when my husband became inactive, they blamed me when my husband cheated on me. They blamed me when my husband totally abandoned me and our children. The in-laws were nasty to me, and to my little (ages 4-10) children, and said that because our children were not "sealed" in the temple, they weren't their "real grandchildren." They saw my children only a few times, for a few minutes, at some weddings and funerals, and that was all, for the rest of their lives.

I felt that my children would be lonely, being abandoned by their father and their grandparents, and that side of the family, all at once, so I tried to keep the relationships going. I had the kids send them Christmas and birthday cards. I sent photos, etc. As the years passed, my kids felt awkward and out-of-place with those people. They had to stand up at the funerals, and sing Primary songs, and they didn't even know the words. The grandparents wanted to parade them in front of their ward, to brag about how many grandchildren they had, and what a perfect Mormon family they were.

The grandparents moved within a few miles of us, and kept it a secret. In all those years, they never called their grandchildren.

Why did I think it was important to try to keep the family ties with this family? My children's father had no contact at all--no alimony or child support--with our children, except for $50 at Christmas, with a photo Christmas card of him and his newest wife/live-in. There were several. Those women were a relief to me, because they became new and improved scapegoats, to take the blame for everything, now I was out of the picture!

I wish I had NOT encouraged any communication at all. The rejection from their father's family hurt my children. My FIL committed suicide, and two of my childrens' first-cousins committed suicide Their uncle scammed the parents' estate from my ex-husband and his sister, and gambled all the money away.

Why didn't I get it into my thick skull that these people were people to AVOID, and to protect my children from? My daughter tried to help two of her cousins, and ended up ruining a year of her life. I drove to Provo in my station wagon, and said, "I'm taking you out of here," and we loaded her stuff and left. One cousin became pregnant, lost the baby, got into drugs, and is so mentally ill, that she won't leave her apartment. The other cousin married a Mormon who is nothing but hype, and they are both on drugs. My children have always been wonderful, compassionate people, and that family has been leading on them for help, too much. This is thirty years down the road!

I made a HUGE MISTAKE to keep these horrible people in our life! I regret it.

My advice to you is to RUN. Yes, have NO CONTACT with them. You don't need to confront anyone, or explain, or make excuses. Just--disappear into a black hole, never to be seen again. Take your children with you, if you have them.

Oh, and "Why was I so stupid?" Because Mormonism had brainwashed me all my life that family is extremely is the most important thing of all (after to the cult, that is.) Mormons are taught to be OBEDIENT, and pay homage to elders and father-figures. We must work, pay money, and convert others, to grow the church. Above all, we must keep tight with the family, and keep them imprisoned in the Mormon stranglehold.

Family is overrated.

After years to struggling, I finally understood that my in-laws were toxic. I'm so much happier not having to think about them, not having to "forgive" them, not having to accept abuse and blame from them, not having to buy into their delusion that they are perfect Mormons, and everyone else is to blame.

Good riddance! No guilt, here! Just relief!

My adult children understand that they have to protect their own kids from these liars and scammers and drug-pushers--and that includes their estranged father. One of his vicious dogs bit my little granddaughter, and left a permanent scar on her face, so no more visits there. My oldest gave up, when his father didn't come to his wedding, a non-Mormon wedding to a nice girl, and in 10 years, he has never seen my son's house

By keeping that relationship door open, it just opens you (and your kids) up for more of the same hurt and rejection, over and over again.

It never stops, until YOU make it stop.

Once I figured out the fraud, I made it no secret to my boys. They complained that I was "wrecking the church for Dad."
hahahahaha.

I told Dad that he needed to come clean to the kids 'cause that Good-Cop/Bad-Cop crap was getting a little old with me always being the bad cop. So he confessed that he was baptized and paid just enough tithing to attend their weddings--that he never once said an opening or closing prayer or bore his testimony because he never believed that sh*t, and that Joseph Smith was an imbecile, and the Book of Mo was a reflection of just that.

That shut everybody up.

:D