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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 10:18AM

"Struggling with the addiction to masturbation? Reach out to me and we will beat it together" -- Jesus






https://www.theverge.com/2018/12/17/18144520/russian-troll-ira-senate-intelligence-committee-report-masturbation-hotline-blackmail

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 11:44AM

"You can't hold hands with God when you are masturbating."

Or when you're not masturbating.

Or any other time.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 11:51AM

Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease.

– Lonnie Childs

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 11:55AM

CrispingPin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Masturbation is a...top ten cause of disease.

Just wash your hands first.
Geez.

:)

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Posted by: gettinreal ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 02:45PM

It also makes you go blind

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Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 08:58PM

And don't forget that it makes you gay, according to Spencer W. Kimball.

Jesus cries and a kitten dies each time a person rubs one out.

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Posted by: praydude ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 02:43AM

Spencer Kimball wrote that when you (a man) masturbate the next step is to masturbate with another man. Mutual masturbation...and that leads to homosexuality.

So the only thing keeping me away from being gay is not masturbating?!! I think Kimball may have been gay.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 11:07PM

> Spencer Kimball wrote that when you (a man)
> masturbate the next step is to masturbate with
> another man. Mutual masturbation...and that leads
> to homosexuality.

You missed a step, praydude. Kimball said masturbation leads to masturbation with another man, which leads to homosexuality, which leads to bestiality.



> I think Kimball may have been gay.

I believe that as well--and for the same reasons.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 02:30PM

I only need reading glasses so far...just saying....

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 02:49PM

a kitten dies everytime a female does it,

a puppy dies for males.

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Posted by: oneinbillions ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 10:25PM

Guess I'm a serial killer of puppies then. How is the species not extinct yet?

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Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 09:23PM

Poor puppies!!! I love puppies. I now hate males forever!
Wait, that’s not true , is it?

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 11:01PM

Problem is, there's never an employee around to wash my hands when I'm finished.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: December 19, 2018 11:30PM

I'd rather hold my **** thank you.

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Posted by: Visitors Welcome ( )
Date: December 20, 2018 06:38AM


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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 20, 2018 01:55PM

Reach around me and we will beat it together -- Jesus

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 03:10AM

1 - 800 - stop beating; Press '1' for males, '2' for women, '3' for Mormons (Ready for a recorded msg from Hoax, Kimball & Rusty!) , '4' for all others...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/23/2018 03:12AM by GNPE.

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 06:57PM

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Struggling with the addiction to masturbation? Reach out to me and we will beat it together" -- Jesus
>
> https://www.theverge.com/2018/12/17/18144520/russi
> an-troll-ira-senate-intelligence-committee-report-
> masturbation-hotline-blackmail

Beat It [by yourself] Jesus. You're the master. Bait is for fishing!
I won't reach out to you Jesus but you can reach out to me.
You might not catch me but I might not fall either.
I'm still climbing. I'm addicted to it. Getting higher!

Forget the hotline. Some need a cold line.
Some can't hold the line; others do just fine.

M@t

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Posted by: 3X ( )
Date: December 23, 2018 11:05PM

Does the LDS church have such a hotline?

And are there recordings of Boyd Packer ruminating about 'factories' on said hotline?

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: December 24, 2018 11:47AM

I have found it hard to call when I’m all tied up to the bed post.




__________


Is it a 1-900 number?


______

Transcript from an actual call started like this:


(Heavy breathing for a few seconds....) Hi.. what are you wearing?

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Posted by: Human ( )
Date: December 24, 2018 01:05PM

Heh. Heh. Heh.

Russia Used SexToys To "Foment Discord" Says News Article:

https://youtu.be/xJadNzsIVxU

(If you’re *still* a victim of the most ridiculous propaganda campaign eveh, watch the above to the end.)

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Posted by: earthdaughter ( )
Date: December 25, 2018 08:46PM

....did Spencer Kimball really write that..??! Yeah I'd say he was struggling with some issues.... o.O

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