So I’ve had a really rough pat year and a half or more really. I’m broke, I can’t get a better job, have trouble with my jobs and I’m working so much but having trouble keeping them, my family is pissed and I owe everyone money and really I’m only skimming the surface. I recently had the thought that maybe this down hill slope was because I left the church like 6 years ago and I’m being punished for my sins. This is ridiculous considering I know the church is BS and it’s not like I had a great childhood or something. My life has been rough for a long time but I feel like I’m trying to latch on somehow to something like there is a clear answer...I just ugh I need help

Maybe you're feeling a prompting (sorry for the Mormon speak...ingrained lol)to connect with God in some way. It doesn't have to be within the confines of the church or any religion. Maybe you'll feel better if you just pray and reach out to God. It won't fix everything, but I personally felt better connecting with God on my own terms and realizing I still believed and needed him in my own way for once. No problem if it's not for you, but this path really helped me.

One thing is for certain and that is most of us go through shit.

I went through a period of my life where I had lost everything and would have given my left nut to have had a job just flipping burgers.

I was so low that one day I just started laughing at how bad my situation was. And then I realised 'so f... Ing what'

And then I mentally separated myself from the loser I became like that part of me was an actor.

And as simplistic as that seems everything started to make sense. I started to actually enjoy the loser part of my life and totally didn't care about what others thought.

We all have a right to be happy sad lonely etc.

Enjoy it, don't fight it live in the moment. Be the best loser you can be. Don't waste this opportunity because taking control will always lead somewhere.

Someone once told me I looked like crap. I smiled and said 'correct'

That was then. I now just take what life throws at me and no longer take it personally.

Pray for guidance. I went back to TSCC after a hiatus out of a few years and things went from bad to worse as far as my church understanding went. Which led to my resigning when I did. It was either one of the best or worst decisions I ever made because it solidified once and for all why I left in the first place. Mormonism is a cult. That is what I glaringly learned in my stint back. It messed with my family in ways that are indefensible.

I still pray for guidance and direction and live by faith. In my Creator this time. Not in a cult disguised as an institution.

You need to find your center of gravity and inner peace. That takes nurturing and cultivating your spirituality. There are better ways to do that than immersing yourself in a web of lies. If you were to go back because of family pressures or your own personal struggles think of it as part of your learning curve. You'll be older and wiser this time. And probably won't stay around as long.

Most lives have both highs and lows. I've dealt with unemployment a few times. Some people have to deal with major health issues. Some people have to deal with major disasters (my niece lost her home and all of her possessions in Hurricane Katrina.) It really has nothing to do with whether you are religious or not. Mormons suffer at the same rate as most people.

When you say that you "have trouble keeping" jobs, is it because you get fired or because you get laid off?

If you have been getting repeatedly fired, then I think you need to look at the root cause why. Perhaps you are not well suited to the types of jobs that you have been getting. Or perhaps you are not doing the basics of the job -- what I call the "nuts and bolts." For instance I've seen teachers fired because they are consistently late to work, or won't do basic job duties such as writing lesson plans or putting their objectives on the board. Are you coming to work sober, rested, and ready to put in a full day of labor?

Think about what your supervisors have said about you in job reviews. I'm not going to say that reviews are always 100% fair, but if multiple people are saying the same thing, it might be something to consider.

There may be resources for job counseling in your community. I would make inquiries at your local government level and see if there is someone who could assist you.

Good luck, and let us know how things go.

When you've been born and raised LDS is almost like being Amish in the sense that when you leave the cult behind it has been ingrained into the psyche that to leave is to become not only an apostate son or daughter, but someone who is doomed to fail at whatever else they do in life.

It isn't like going inactive Catholic, for example. Or inactive Protestant.

That's part of the struggle for the ex-Mormon who was born and brought up inside the cult of Mormonism. That fear of failure, without the 'gospel,' is rooted deep in the psyche, and is very difficult to shake. It may take years of counseling and self-help. I still need a faith walk, which is what has helped me in addition to the other things. Separating from a cult mentally can take years longer than the physical separation. That is one of the most insidious lies the Mormon cult teaches to its members. But yet it does.

I understand. All I can do as an outsider is to point out that Mormons suffer from life's calamities (sickness, unemployment, divorce, disasters) just like anyone else. When a TBM suffers a calamity, it's "because God is testing them." But when an apostate suffers a calamity, it's because they left the church.

This is SOOO true!

Thank you guys for your comments. I really appreciate! I don’t live in Utah or a highly Mormon place (I’m in the KCMO metro area) so that’s not a problem really but I did grow up in the church. I spent a good 27 years of my life devoted in some aspect and while I did struggle with my faith a bit during that time it was still something I always turned to and like mentally and such I feel better being away. I figured out I was gay, and I am about as liberal minded as one can be THB and I’ve gotten medication for my mental health issues so like being gone has helped but I feel like this slump is just bringing up the dirt in my mind like I wasn’t expecting. My biggest problem has been actually being laid off and stuff. I don’t do drugs and I drink maybe twice a year so those aren’t issues for me and never have been. I’m going through some of my community resources right now for help which HAS helped but I’m still in the thick of it and well I’m just shocked I’m even having these thoughts but that’s why I turned here because reading your comments helps because a lot of you have gone through similar situations. Thank you very much for your advice and support.

TSCC is based on fear and self-loathing. The leaders will say things to keep you in such as: "Where will you go? what will you do?" Always planting the doubt and fear. Like Amyjo said, it may take some counseling; if I could give you any advice, it would be to not even considering for a second to go back. The only reason they want anyone to stay is because of money. They do not care about you or anyone.

The fear of leaving is all about control. They want to control your mind, your wallet, your thoughts, speech, sex life, dress, what you eat, watch, where you go, ad nauseum.

It's Big Brother in the nth degree !

Forced volunteerism ... kind of like cleaning those church toilets..

If they can scare you by making you believe that things have gotten the way they are because you left, they may convince you that by returning is the anecdote. It may work for a time, but remember it's still a deception. A smokescreen.

I’ve been really struggling over the past few years too. But I guess the fact that my most-devout TBM friend has more struggles than anyone I know let’s me realize that it has nothing to do with leaving the Church. It’s just life. Life is a struggle. Always has been. Always will be.

The good news is that, for most of us, hard times come and go. During the most-difficult times we need to be extra-good to ourselves and ride out the wave.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the same old dull routine. Times where I used to be bored to tears. Now they mean that at least things are on an even keel and no disasters are occurring in my life.

Do you live in the Morridor? Because that could affect your work prospects since you left TSCC.

I've heard of people who stay married to the cult culturally because of that, even though mentally they've checked out. For the work/employment opportunities. There is unspoken bias in the workplace of at least some of the employers there that favors LDS over non-LDS I've been told.

Good point.

If you live in Utah they have a big ex mormon community too. Mormonism makes some people extremely happy. I felt happy too till I found out that it was false. And that after we left people who I thought were "friends" would not even say hi to me at walmart and we were not invited to any birthday parties anymore. There is that sense of community or belonging to a ward. Callings made me feel special. But once I knew it was false I could not feel happy anymore going to church.

Perhaps mormons aren't giving you a break because they think they can force you to return?

In any case, be assured that tough times don't last forever and they're not caused by church affiliation.

Please keep trying. Take it a day at a time. I hope better times will soon be yours. I'm sending you my best good wishes. You deserve better.

The trouble is, the church has nothing to give you. It won't get a job for you. It won't help you with your bills. It won't solve any of your problems because the church is the taker in the relationship. So the thought that if you go back, it will help is based on an illusion.

Perfect answer!

You can't afford their tithes and you can't afford to give them free labor.
The Mormon church only adds more stress to already stressed lives, stay away.

Hopefully, the new year will bring you better opportunities and better days.

Sounds like my teenage niece saying she was going to cut herself if she didn't get her way.
This is the niece who had a pet tarantula. What more could a person want.

Paying 10% to the church won't help your finances. Guaranteed.

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's good to tell people about it. This board is a one good place to do it.

Look at it this way: if atheism is true, it means that if you go back to Church, you won't be punished by God, because God does not exist. You will be able to meet people and you might get support and understanding from them. Whether or not you think doing this is ethical is up to you.

The social aspect of Mormonism might be good for you.

If God does exist, He might not care whether or not you go to Mormon Church meetings.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2018 07:37PM by behindcurtain.

I lost my job of almost 20 years where I earned good money and I just started working part time at Sam's Club as a cashier at almost age 62. I still have some medical transcription work I can do, but it isn't enough (well, I guess it could be if I took my ex for half his pension, etc.), but I have chosen to always take care of myself. I've been sick for over 2 weeks now and I can't seem to shake it and here I am working a job that takes a lot of energy, which I don't have.

BUT what I can say is that my life has gone much better since leaving the lds church than it ever did while I was in it. The other transcriptionists I worked with who are active mormon lost their jobs years ago. My boss is a good mormon and she just lost the last of her business because she refuses to pay her workers what the going rate is these days. She expects to pay them their value rather than the rate the companies want to pay these days. She is an honest, fair boss and I've loved working for her, but she is being "punished" through no fault of her own. She was blindsided by all this happening. She was the valedictorian of her college class and her husband has a master's and they are starting over in their 50s.

I'm 61-1/2 and I'm "starting over." I've been doing transcription and being paid well for 32 years. Now I'm down to about what I earned when I left Thiokol (built space shuttle solid rocket motors) 33 years ago.

Since I've been sick for 2 weeks, I'm not in the best of places to be talking about this, but things could be a lot worse for me than they are. My good little TBM daughter with her college degree is changing jobs and is starting out just like I am where she was paid well for half a year of work for Princess Cruises in Alaska where now she is getting married and has to get a low wage. I can't believe how difficult it is to look for work these days. I'm shocked at how poorly employees are paid and how difficult it is to apply. They try to weed out those that they don't want as employees with stupid on-line tests and yet never know what kind of employees they will be until they have hired them. Luckily, Sam's hired me. It isn't the best of situations, but after what I just went through looking for a job, I'm grateful.

Mormonism plants self-sabotage scripts in your head. You’re not good enough for God because of the cult’s definition of perfection, so your self image is in the dumper and you subconsciously act to keep it that way.

You need to unravel those scripts. Look up Matt Kahn “Raising your vibration” on YouTube.

There is a lot of trouble in the world. I've been sick too this week and had to work while I had a fever for 3 days. Some people call in but it's a risky game to play in this Right to Work state, (Thankyou Utah politicians!)

Anyway the world is getting more and more confused, The poor are struggling more and more with bills while the rich are taking more and more (which maybe part of OP situation). I was watching documentaries today about how much the housing costs are in California and that the techies are pushing out the immigrants and blue collar people. Cities Like san fransisco and san jose refuse to build enough housing because of environmental impact. And so there are these grass roots progressive organizations lobbying to restrict more building of luxery condos and other progressive organizations lobbying to get rid of Californias ridicoulous zoning laws. It's unclear who is right or should win. (The left is going to eat itself)

All I can say is if your in an expensive place like California with crazy politics, politicians, etc. Maybe move to a cheaper place with less drama?

That’s an interesting idea. Rust belt cities have affordable housing. Businesses that hire millennials should set up shop in those cities.

Hello Altava,

I am sorry you are struggling and I hope things get better.

One thing struck me from your post. You say you are gay but yet you are considering returning to a church which doesn't accept that.

Think carefully what might drive you to return where you are not in your entirety, welcomed. Self-sabotage? Poor self-esteem?

Take care! Let us know how things are!

Go ahead and "go back", if you feel like it. You are free, and there are no rules that say you can't go back. This might be part of your trying to get back on your feet. Try everything you can! Life is an adventure.

I'm glad you are reaching out to the community. How about family? Now is not the time for you to prove anything to your family. My family helped me get through my divorce.

A word of caution: BRACE YOURSELF, if you go back to a Mormon church. I know of some people who were pushed over the edge, after trying to go back and fit in. Be very strong! Don't let the Mormons treat you like dirt. They will definitely give you a hard time if you don't look just right. With Mormons, it's all about appearances. You will be rejected if you appear to have no money, too.

Before you go to church, plan something uplifting to do after church. Have your favorite meal ready. Plan to walk your dog in the snow, or do something else physical and outdoors. Be extra kind to yourself. Offer your own prayer to God, afterwards, such as: "God, I know that the Mormons don't own you, and they are not judges for you, and they can't tell you what to do. They have no magical "Power of The Priesthood" to wield over me. I know that Christ loves me, unconditionally, and that He died to save us ALL, regardless of our circumstances." When you are in that awful church, feeling those bad vibes, remember that God loves you. In a day or two, you will feel happy again, and rejoice that you are free of the cult. That's a great start!