Haven't posted much lately. My mother caught a virus in skilled care from two of her aid workers. She's been really down and just lately felt well enough to eat some solid foods.

Mom's illness scared me. I thought I might lose her as that is how her sister died; pneumonia following a bout of flu.

My real fear is the confrontation with family when Mom does finally end her life journey. I'm afraid I've made Mom the center of my life lately and when she leaves me I'll be very bereft. But worse than losing her will be having to deal with the "righteous" in my family. They haven't visited Mom for over a year and are always snarky with me whenever I see them. My sister is enjoying her status as a victim these days. She tells people she cannot visit her mother because it would be a HIPPA violation. Nobody can quite figure out her reasoning on that but she has her followers believing it. Of course, it's Mom's fault somehow.

I've come to the conclusion that when Mom goes I'll send someone else to tell them. I just can't face bursting into tears when they pretend grieve (they all cannot wait to get an inheritance) and then turn on me which I know they will do. My negativism has reached the point that I'd like to see Mom live another decade and spend all her money on skilled care rather than leave so much as a dime to this family. But I don't want Mom in agony trying to prolong her life needlessly.

Just emoting. Thanks for listening.

this is understandable, my siblings live far away and are way to busy/poor/stressed or whatever else to come visit Utah, where the rest of us are. They just hate the mormons so bad because mormons are so judgmental or something?
But I'm still here, yay!

There are ways that you can find that will be just your's, your way of dealing with your mother's illness and eventual death. I hope not for at least a while.

My family "exploded" when my parents both died within 2 months. After 10 years, we are still at odds over many things. We have 2 disabled brothers that made things more complex. My sister and her husband took over everything. My younger sister is still angry about it. I was in too much shock to really think about it all. I had my ways of being involved in my own way. One way I never talk about, but my family knows my contribution. I decorate their grave. My oldest brother insists that ONLY I can decorate their grave. It gives me something I can do just for them.

A few years back when I went to visit my brother, who lives in my parents' home, I noticed how so many things had not been done. I mean there were a lot of cobwebs and the curtains in the kitchen were really dusty, etc. I took several days to go over there and I cleaned that house--scrubbed down walls, etc., and it was HEALING for me. The house has stayed that clean. My older brother makes sure it does.

There are ways for you to do things that will help you deal with all this. I'm sure there are others who will give you advice here, things like therapy, etc. Therapy has helped me so much in so many ways in my life.

Still 10 years later and I still MISS my parents especially when I'm going through difficult times, which I have been recently. I don't believe you ever get over grieving your parents. I can't say it gets better. It just gets different.

Whatever they all do, just remember YOUR RELATIONSHIP with your mother. That is all that counts. Remember what you did for her and cherish the fact that YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONE. They'll never be who you are or have the relationship you have with your mother. That is the most important thing you have.

Pooped Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My
> negativism has reached the point that I'd like to
> see Mom live another decade and spend all her
> money on skilled care rather than leave so much as
> a dime to this family.

I see it as pragmatic. People who claim to honor parents who loved them deserve it.

My parents kinda sorta love me. They don't deserve my honor. Maybe they do from some of their other 9 children. I see love as a reciprocal virtue and not a Bible/Mormonism mandated one.