My complete body is scarred through years of stress and manipulation. This week I am going to start a new life. I am enrolling on a 5 year long education. No longer a family scapegoat, no longer the person that must censor myself and only talk about the bad stuff going on.

This is my time, no I am free, but I feel complete crap. Like my brain is a swiss-cheese.

I am sorry you had to go through that. A lot of groups like to box in and control the thoughts and actions of others to conform to prescribed ideal that fails to take into account the needs or wants of the individual.

So.... What are you going to be studying?

Teaching. I want kids of the future not feel guilty or shame accessing data from the world. I want them to think critically so that they can be free.

Congratulations! Teaching is a noble calling, especially for those who choose it deliberately and not by default. There are a few fine teachers on this board. You will be in good company.

Thank you for your support. My calling is the new life. I hope I can reach kids that live the troublesome life I have lived so that they can put a stop to it earlier than I did.

Hello, M! I'm an elementary certified teacher with more than 20 years under my belt, and have taught all grades 1-6 full time, and 7th for a part of a year. Feel free to ask any questions that you have.

As for leaving the Mormon church, you are leaving a high-demand religion that wants to control every aspect of your life. Yes, leaving can have its challenges, but freedom will feel sweet. We are here for you on your journey.

Hello summer!

Thank you for your feedback! I hope I will be just as experienced as you in the future. I am 40 years old. This change in my life is very experimental. A complete change of focus. Not used to have self power in my own hands, there have been some heavy sanctions against me. Time are turbulent.

there is a name for depression connected to religion and here is a link that helped me understand what happened to me. https://journeyfree.org/rts/

Hello gone4good!

Wonderful link. I am in that mess that life always has been revealed to me. I have never really lived or experienced it. I have been at home feeling guilt and shame doing what I love to do. Read articles and learning new things.

Living life seeing the world through a filter can be a very mind-blowing experience. But it is not something that makes life adapt to newer and more complex times.

BTW

Sorry for my english. I am not an american.

here is another link that is even better for anyone suffering from trauma connected to mormon cult.

https://www.babcp.com/review/RTS-Trauma-from-Leaving-Religion.aspx