I can't believe that the Trib actually published this! Sorry, I can't post the link just now, so I copied and pasted.

Church Completes Mile One Of A Long Journey For Women

By Lesley Butterfield, Salt Lake Tribune, January 13, 2019

The recent changes to the temple by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have brought joy and rejoicing to many. These are steps forward. As one Mormon feminist once shared with me, “Small changes that help address any existing inequality are like completing Mile One of a never-ending marathon. But we have to start somewhere.”

I rejoice that we are completing Mile One. But there are miles left to go.

I am a survivor, as many women are, of insidious and horrific spiritual abuse by church leaders and within personal relationships. I have felt massive amounts of sorrow, confusion and pain in my journey to healing. I share this grief with many other survivors.

Throughout my recovery, I attended a battered women’s group in a heavily populated LDS area. The majority of the women who were survivors of domestic abuse also experienced damaging spiritual abuse within their relationships. This abuse was also often compounded by their church leaders, who, instead of protecting or helping these women, told them they needed to obey, honor and heed unto their husbands, some even quoting portions of the temple ceremony, using scripture and quotes from prophets as proof for this unethical counsel. It became apparent to me that the rituals, the ceremonies and the ordinances of the temple enabled spiritual abuse toward women, sadly, in the context of eternal salvation, obedience and righteousness.

I rejoice that abusive men may have less language to draw from the temple to rationalize abuse in these ways. I rejoice that the decision-makers decided to finally listen to the heartache that many women have held privately for years when it comes to the temple. I rejoice that women may feel more equal and see themselves as worthy and deserving of safety and peace. I rejoice that these changes may lead to more empowered women within the church.

But still I grieve for the ones who were harmed. For the ones who were lost. For the ones who were forgotten about. For the ones who never felt this empowerment. For the ones who tried and tried, but were still abused, shamed, coerced and manipulated. For the ones who wondered amid this confusion, “Is this really what God wants for me?”

To magnify the exact gravity of the pain that still exists among many women and survivors, I ask these persisting questions to the same decision-makers who hold a multitude of future fates within their reach:

Can you repair the mistrust I felt for those I respected for reinforcing misogyny?

Can you give me back all the silent tears I cried thinking that I was the problem?

Can you replace the lost years of having no opinion because it wasn't valued anyway?

Can you rewrite all those situations I willingly settled for sexism?

Can you erase all those moments I felt unimportant and lesser because I am a woman in a system where I come last?

Can you give me back all the time I spent trying to make it work despite my dissonance, convinced that this was God’s way?

Can you give me back those moments that unrighteous dominion was exercised over me in the worst of ways?

Can you acknowledge the moment that I realized that the pain of staying was greater than the pain of leaving?

Can you replace the community I lost because I finally chose my safety over my religion?

Can you erase the shame I felt when the bishop told me I needed to be a better wife and mother instead of being prideful and perseverating on issues of inequality?

Can you give me back those countless occasions that my own covenants were coercively used against me?

Can you undo the belief I carried that I must outsource my own authority to another person?

Can you release the bishop who told me to always hearken to a man, even in abuse, because my temple covenants said so?

Can you acknowledge that the hurt and pain my family has endured are everlasting and irreparable?

Can you address the continued existence of male-centered polygamy, male-only priesthood and male-dominated leadership?

Can you address the underlying problems of the policies and doctrine rather than just treating the symptoms?

Can you do even one of these things?

I acknowledge Mile One. But I still hurt at thoughts of what other traumas lie upon our altar. I am unable to shield myself from the problems, no longer willing to veil my face to the issues. For so many are still seeking further light and knowledge on the senselessness of so much spiritual suffering.

Lesley Butterfield, Roanoke, Va., is a registered nurse who works in the areas of community health, abuse and trauma. She is host of the Rational Faiths podcast, “Mormon Women Speak,” and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Afraid of Mormons Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Lesley Butterfield, Roanoke, Va., is a registered
> nurse who works in the areas of community health,
> abuse and trauma. She is host of the Rational
> Faiths podcast, “Mormon Women Speak,” and a
> member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
> Saints.

And future excommunicated member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is my prophecy.

I appreciate your posting this poignant and heart-wrenching letter - a letter that will be ignored at best and at worst will end up, as another posted, in placing Lesley Butterfield on trial by the MormonCult for speaking her truth.

I, myself, find these "acts of appeasement" by the cult pathetic and cowardly as the cult only makes acts of change when it has been pushed in a corner and has no other way out.

In my own story, my Mother, a hard, hard working single Mormon woman, could have used a real helping hand form this cult instead of its guilting and ignoring her. Five of us kids could have witnessed what real love and caring looks like, making it possible for five stories to have been written entirely differently. But, we five survived without this lying, deceitful organization. My Mom did too....but the cult, engrained in her psyche, made her feel inadequate and guilty when she so deserved to only have feelings of pride and success for hanging in there through all she had to endure.

presleynfactsrock Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My Mom did too....but the cult,
> engrained in her psyche, made her feel inadequate
> and guilty when she so deserved to only have
> feelings of pride and success for hanging in there
> through all she had to endure.

It makes me incredibly sad to think how many generations of mothers this horrible organization has made to feel inadequate?

From polygamist women to single women to single mothers. All those people made to feel lesser for all they did. The victims of religious idealism are often ones who don't know they are victims of organized abuse of their human souls.

>> "I rejoice that we are completing Mile One. But there are miles left to go."

As far as creating change in the church goes, completing mile one in the marathon is great, but there are so many other marathons to run that mile one of one marathon doesn't really mean much.

In mormonism, you complete mile one, yet all the other issues cause you retreat 2 miles back, so you never get to the finish line.

A little change to the temple ceremony is mile one. How many other mile ones are there? They'll be perpetually stuck on mile ones as long as they stay in the church.

Mile one was removing institutional theocratic-controlled polygamy (I support polyandrous people like anyone in their consensual ways.) It was a mile pushed (plowed?) by government. Not a very good start to human enlightenment.

I hate to say inclusion of women in their temple was mile one. If it was, it wasn't much of an uphill mile.

Butterfield is not exaggerating. I have experienced all of this, in my life sentence as a Mormon female.

It's so sad!

When I was deep into the cult, I was one of the "ones who don't know they are victims of organized abuse of their human souls." as Elder Berry puts it. I knew I was in psychic pain, but I didn't know the source, and I didn't realize the pain was deliberately being inflicted on me, to keep me in my place. The Mormons are masters at convincing the member-victims that their unhappiness and low self-esteem is something they bring on themselves, as a result of "unrighteousness" or "lack of faith." Victims not only are abused, but are manipulated into taking the full blame for the abuse. This applies to Mormon children, and lower-ranking Mormon men, as well as Mormon women.

As a battered temple wife myself, I absolutely agree with this:

"This abuse was also often compounded by their church leaders, who, instead of protecting or helping these women, told them they needed to obey, honor and heed unto their husbands, some even quoting portions of the temple ceremony, using scripture and quotes from prophets as proof for this unethical counsel. It became apparent to me that the rituals, the ceremonies and the ordinances of the temple enabled spiritual abuse toward women, sadly, in the context of eternal salvation, obedience and righteousness."

My violent psychopath ex-husband used to scream Mormon scriptures at me, while he threw me around the room. The neighbors could hear my body hitting the walls and furniture, and they heard the D&C Section 132 being quoted. I was grateful I had these witnesses at my divorce trial, because no one else admitted that it really happened. If my parents hadn't seen my broken arm and jaw, they probably wouldn't have belived me, either. That's why I insisted on going to a court if law, and having it all on record.

Butterfield might just barely be waking up, out of her denial. If she were fully cognizant of how the cult is ruining her life, and that it will continue to ruin her life, she would resign, and take her loved ones with her. Part of her denial might be the delusion that she can "work from within" and do more good, if she remains a member. Sadly, I think EB is right--she's on her way to excommunication. Still, I appreciate her. Every little bit helps!

Presley, your mother must have had a great deal of joy from having you and your siblings in her life. I know my children are my greatest source of happiness and love, The cult couldn't ruin that, though it tried to.

Placing women on a pedestal engraved with fruitful uteri just makes their falling from LDS Priesthood grace all the more damaging.

Sorry about your abuse from an animal in a white shirt and tie.