This is a weird question, but hear me out.

Me and empathy have never mixed, especially when I was a kid. Looking back, I think there was definitely something wrong with me during my formative years. I was mean as hell and couldn’t even connect with my own family members (honestly, the things I used to say and do in preschool and elementary scare me). Nowadays, I actually want to change. It will be hard, but I want to make true friendships with people and try to learn basic empathy/kindness. I’m tired of being so inwardly cold, hostile, and angry all of the time. I’ve pushed so many people away with my standoffish, uncaring behavior.

Do you guys have any tips? Any good book recommendations? Maybe community ed classes? (I’m in SLC). I just want to improve.

Lack of empathy can be the result of a wide variety of causes, including the cultural values a child is raised in, or it can be caused by damage to the brain (which can begin in utero, for example: if the mother, for whatever reason, is not eating properly--but this isn't necessarily her fault, she could be in a near-starvation situation, or someone caught up in a war situation)....or by maltreatment as the child grows up--either active physical and/or mental abuse by caretakers, or as a result of caretakers ignoring the child and the child's needs (food, water, access to adequate toilet facilities....or lack of nurturing contact with people, or pet animals, or nature).

Lack of empathy can be a symptom of a number of disorders: narcissism, etc.

The first thing I would suggest is to Google: lack of empathy....or: how can I improve my empathy skills? A number of returns will come up, but I wasn't impressed with any of them--however: if they are all you have as sources right now, please do check them out. You will learn a number of things which will be of value to you.

If your lack of empathy is connected to some kind of disorder (like narcissism, or any of the others), then you will likely need to work on the underlying problem before you are able to experience the results you would most like to occur.

I am in California, so I do not know what is available in the SLC area. I hope that others here will be able to suggest the right sources which are likely to be of help.

I hope you will be able to find the right sources for you.

I wish you all the best in every way.

"Before you do serious psychological work on yourself, first make sure you aren't surrounded by assholes."

Quitting Mormonism did wonders for my attitude towards others! There is a lot of love in the world, and a lot of good people who DESERVE empathy. With my children, for example, I couldn't help but love them unconditionally, although the church tried to teach me that unconditional love was wrong.

Meet up with good people, and empathy and love will develop naturally. It is inside of you. All that other garbage is blocking it, that's all.

Put yourself in their shoes. Follow your heart.

I'm sorry that things happened to you, to put you on the defensive. Abuse taught me well, that if you reach out to assholes, or express pain and weakness to jerks, you will be attacked. Thanks, Mormon church, for those hard lessons. Now, we have to unlearn all the brainwashing. That's what RFM is here for.

(((hugs for you)))

Adopting a pet maybe a start to developing higher attributes. A service dog.

Might I suggest that instead of jumping into a pet. Do some pet sitting or at least some regular interaction with pets.

Owning a pet can be expensive and life altering.

Enroll in communication classes at your local college or adult education, as able.

Listening skills are a good one for starters.

It takes time to cultivate empathy, but is worth the time and commitment if you are serious.

Mine wasn't always as developed as it is now. After working at a job that demanded customer service skills, it became honed over time. Sometimes we "fall into our jobs" for a reason?

Look up emotional intelligence.

Tough call. It's the whole nature vs nurture argument. We're you born that way, or where you raised that way.

My ex wife was a narcissist, but she acted like the most empathetic person in the ward. But it was all an act to be seen, get recognized, get praised, be admired, look perfect...

Having said that, here's what I would recommend doing. You have to do what Jesus said, you have to treat others the way you want to be treated. You have to force yourself to treat others like you want to be treated. Eventually it will come naturally.

Keep treating people you interact with the way you want to be treated. You will then think of others in a more empathetic way. Sometimes it means biting your tongue and walking away. Sometimes it means delegating and giving lee way.

Most insurances will cover a certain number of sessions with a therapist. I would look into it. Many board members have recommended CBT -- cognitive behavioral therapy. If you can give a general idea of where you live, board members may be able to recommend therapists.

You hear people say all the time, "Oh I wished I could play the piano." This is Bull. If they actually wished they could play the piano they would turn heaven and earth to get access to a piano and take lessons and practice, practice, practice.

If you have actually arrived at a place where you genuinely want to allow whatever empathy you have to be freed, to come to the surface--- take a second every time you see some one who could use a little caring. Pause. Just mentally let it sink in---mentally walk a mile in their shoes, or crutches, or wheel chair, or imagine how their black eye feels considering who gave it to them. You don't have to do much, but give a smile. The smile you get back will flex your empathy muscle. Practice, practice, practice.

Empathy is an extension of reciprocity which is a gift from thousands of years of evolution wherein we came to know that we are best when we work together and boost each other up. What will cause empathy to atrophy is feeling like you don't need others and ignore your connection to them. It's all yin and yang in the end.

(No, I am not a therapist but I do play one on the internet. :) )

Whenever I have a tough time getting the right feeling or motivation, I just start with the actions, anyway. For example, if you start behaving like an empathetic human being, you will develop the habits of an empathetic human being, and the feelings will follow.

Really "see" people. Think good thoughts about them. Is the young grocery bagger working to put himself through school? That old man walking his dog probably really loves that dog. Does the food server have children to go home to after her shift is over? Always smile, make eye contact, and tell these people, "Thank you. Have a nice day." Baby steps.

Make these behaviors a challenge, in the beginning. Think of something nice to say to everyone you talk to. This is not silly. This actually makes you look for something nice about the other person. "I like your glasses." "You are fast!" General statements are helpful, such as "Nice weather" or "Only 1 hour left before closing time!" Tell people their dog or their child is cute--who cares if they think you're a stalker. Move on, and never accost or "button-hole" people. You invent your own dialog, and use it.

Open the door for people. Let them go ahead of you. For God's sake, let other drivers merge in front of you!

My cousin loves cars as a hobby, and he always stops when he sees someone having car trouble, and loves helping them out. I always carry jumper cables in my car, and people really appreciate a jump-start.

Have a dish of candy on your desk at work. Bring in treats, occasionally.

The act of smiling can elevate your mood and change your attitude. Try it! See the humor in things. Perceive others as loving, happy people, even if they are frowning at you. They are deep in thought, they are planning their weekend.

Give others the "benefit of the doubt." They mean well. That driver that sped past you and cut you off is in a hurry for a reason. Invent a reason, such as maybe she's late for a doctor's appointment, or a job interview, or maybe the guy is late picking up his child at school, and the child is waiting, all alone.

These small acts of kindness are just the beginning, and help you to at least open the door to empathy.

Think more of what you have in common with others, rather than your differences. "We've all been there."

There’s your answer-

Volunteer with an organization that supports persons with disabilities.

Start with manners. Manners are just showing kindness. Start by holding the door open for someone you dont know. Payit forward in the coffee line. Pay for your coffee and the coffee for the person behind you.Go to the nearest shelter which serves food. Help them once a week. Look at the faces of the people you are serving. Empathy will come.

Some very good answers above. Try putting yourself in others peoples shoes, who are going through a very bad time, in the past and present.
See yourself in their situation, in a wheelchair, blind, living on the street, having cancer, etc
Watch old footage on 911, the Holocaust, earthquake , flood, forest fires , imagine yourself in those situations to feel what real people actually experienced

Orrrrr, TeeTot ...

... think of it this way: What if you can’t conjure up empathy no matter how hard you try? Maybe it can’t be “learned.” You may still be able to use lack of empathy to do good for people. What if the ability to act clinically and logically is what people desperately need at the moment? For example, many sick people need a helper with organizational skill to help them navigate complicated and out-of-town medical procedures—to navigate insurance, appointments, travel and lodging. All kinds of situations require what may be your *gift.”

Anyway, that’s just a thought from someone who has to work hard to overcome empathy in order to think clearly.

I realize the title doesn't exactly match what you asked, but it has a lot of good advice I think would be helpful. Much of it is "make an effort to listen to other people and show real interest in them." That alone will get you surprising results.

Brief summary here: https://fs.blog/2012/07/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/

If you're the performing type, an improv class really teaches you how to listen, and how to work with others.

Therapy. I would suggest therapy.

Pity nobody arranged therapy when you were a child.

Obviously I have no bandwidth whatsoever for having any real empathy on anything because Heavenly Father through his beloved Correlation program has only really taught me to be completely obedient to the holy middlemen who oversee the Wards/Stakes throughout the Church. So sure I might feel tempted to have some real empathy. But then the wondrous sacred programming kicks in.