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Posted by: Book of Mordor ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 11:55AM

No surprise that this is a play on Gordon Lightfoot's 1976 "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." If you haven't yet listened to it, this is your chance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A

[Interesting that this video has by itself received over 43 million views, or *about 2⅔ times* what the church claims as its total worldwide membership.]


"The Wreck of the Mormon Ship Zion"

The leaders are senile and deep in denial
in their fantasy church that is growing.
Enfeebled and old, they could not have foretold
of the Internet hurricane blowing.

For many a year they used guilt, shame and fear
in forcing the sheep to compliance.
"Pay, pray and obey" was all they would say
and seldom met any defiance.

Boyd Packer was a curse and made everything worse
as he sucked the joy out of existence.
The church doubled down and supported that clown
while draining wards to bare subsistence.

The lessons got dumb and the members grew numb
out of boredom and meetings unending.
They shuffled through the halls as the church built its malls
and McTemples through billions in spending.

As the Internet grew, the church imagined it knew
how to control it and thus share The Gospel.
But it couldn't be tamed, so the message became,
"Avoid non-approved sources, they're hostile."

The trite "Doubt your doubts" means they're scared we'll find out
the truth and the facts they've been hiding.
They pretend it's our soul, but their number one goal
is to keep on collecting our tithing.

Church essays, "inspired"? No, they kind of backfired,
their anonymous word salad jumble
on Facsimile Two and the sleaze of Nauvoo
causing uncounted full shelves to crumble.

When people take note of Brigham Young's racist quotes,
the new excuse sounds lame and weary –
"The black priesthood ban? He was speaking as a man;
the curse of Cain was just a theory."

From when they arrive the church steals members' lives;
its rules and demands are depressing,
While those having brains who can throw off their chains
find that freedom to live is a blessing.

The church will corrode as it slowly implodes
while promising things will get better:
"Be steadfast and true, and whatever you do,
steer clear of the CES Letter!"

You can't fix it when you have fifteen old men
whose lives are cocooned in a bubble,
Being endlessly wrong, so it doesn't take long
to burn all of their truth claims to stubble.

There's Jeff Holland's lies and Dave Bednar's dead eyes,
and Oaks and his trademark gay-hatin',
Then Nelson chimes in with his vulturine grin,
saying "Mormon's a big win for Satan."

"Stay in the boat" – though it barely can float –
"Have faith in The Lord, just like Lehi!"
But what they won't say, which will give it away,
is the water's no deeper than knee-high.

The doctrine is vague and the culture's a plague,
full of gossip, gaslighting and lyin'.
But one day it will pass, so let's all raise a glass
to the wreck of the Mormon ship Zion!

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Posted by: Heidi GWOTR ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 02:46PM

I LOVE IT!!!!!

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Posted by: Annonnno ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 03:33PM

This is great.

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Posted by: gemini ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 03:40PM

Wow! Just terrific!!!

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Posted by: thorn ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 04:45PM

Great stuff had to sing it through.

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Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 05:18PM

Love this song, and a lot of songs out at the timespan. Brings back old high school memories. We were living in Northern Illinois when that happened.Thats all that everyone talked about, discussed it in school, the news and radio.
A year later , it was made into a song. I still have it on my you tube favourites
I have that video and another one saved. This one shows the victims and their age and job on the ship, sad
https://youtu.be/hgI8bta-7aw

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Posted by: Mormon Nomore ( )
Date: January 31, 2019 06:39PM

Your sharing of this excellent link makes me want to register and vote.

Please consider running for President in 2020.

.

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Posted by: Mordor, not logged in ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 01:42PM

Thanks to everyone who enjoyed the satire. It's always good, and therapeutic, to have some fun with the stupidity and insanity of TSCC.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 01:47PM

Very good satire.

Loved the punchline...

"The doctrine is vague and the culture's a plague,
full of gossip, gaslighting and lyin'."

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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: February 05, 2019 08:50PM

Hey Book of Mordor, thanks for redirecting me here from another thread. With the talk from the Mormon pulpit to "remain in the ship" adds to your excellent timing to commemorate the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Your super creative hymn has now been added to our official Exmo Hymnal which as of 01/05/2019 contains 325 Mormmy Hits. The official LDS Hymnal contains only 296 hymns. You can find it filed alphabetically in the section starting with "The ..."

http://www.salamandersociety.com/slamtoons/mormmys/

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