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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 01:06PM

The thread about the Signal to Go to Missouri got me thinking about all the stuff that Mormons knew quite a bit about when I was a kid in the 1950s.

Ah, yes, the good old days, when Mormonism was loaded with fruitcake theology.

We used to know how Jeebus was going to show up in Missouri, and how we were going to join the party.

We knew exactly what nationalities were descended from which sons of Jacob, and which nationalities were the cool ones (NW Europe, basically), and which were second string, and which could only be equipment managers, but couldn't join the team. Thanks, Alvin R Dyer.

We knew at some point the entire government was going to collapse. (The only scenario in which a 2 year supply makes any sense at all, and even then not much sense). We knew, thanks to Cleon Skousen, that an uprising of blacks would trigger this collapse (book: The First 2,000 Years)

We knew polygamy was banned only because of the evil gummint, and it was coming back sooner or later. For not a few people, it never ceased.

We knew the Lost Ten Tribes were living somewhere in the Arctic, probably underground, since there was not a whole lot of unexplored territory on the surface left where their no doubt monumental civilization could hide. To Mormons back in the late 1950s, "Journey to the Center of the Earth" was a docudrama. (I kid)

And of course everybody knew in fine detail who would and wouldn't get their own planet, and who would and wouldn't get a TK Smoothie.

There was some debate and confusion about who could qualify for Outer Darkness. The general feeling was that women in the LDS Church didn't qualify to get sent to Outer Darkness, because, well, women didn't really qualify for much of anything except motherhood, doing what they were told, and being told to stand on a pedestal and keeping their mouths shut.

Oh, and we knew where all Native Americans and south sea islanders came from: Jerusalem. That made them a little bit cool, but not nearly as cool as the Brits and Scandinavians that settled/occupied Utah in the 19th century.

Damn, we used to know a lot of stuff.

OTOH, we had no idea Jesus cried when someone said "Mormon".

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2019 01:14PM by Brother Of Jerry.

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Posted by: bobofitz ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 02:26PM

Yep, yep, yep and yep. All taught. Speaking of Alvin R. Dyer...I read the transcript of one of his talks where he said your position on Earth at birth was a direct result of your achievements in the pre existence. Sort of a pre judgement to get you started on the right foot, or not. If you’re born into a GA privileged family, you were chosen and rewarded for your valiant pre existence. If you were disadvantaged....your fault. I remember reading it on my mission in the mid 60’s. Don’t hear much of that now because of PC, but I’ll bet it’s still some of the “ meat” in the minds of the older leaders.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 06:10PM

No, you don't hear it now because of PC. You don't hear it now because it was and is racist bullshit. Even at the time, the GAs knew it. Dyer was a councillor to the FP for a while, which was unusual because he was not in the Q12. He was an Assistant to the 12, back when that was a thing.

After he was released, he was designated "A Watchman on the Tower", or something like that, and emeritussed - forced retirement. They basically wanted to shut him up and get him off the stage, without riling up the nutters who hung an his every racist word - and his words were racist in the most literal sense imaginable. Your race was God's way of letting the world know how you were in the Pre-Existence™

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 02:42PM

Back in the day, Mormons were proud of their uh...”unique” doctrine. Now they deny, confuse, and equivocate.

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 05:21PM

Back when we were kids in the '50s we were chronologically closer to the "colorful" people who started the church and made up the doctrine. So less weirdness had faded away.

Most of the first Mormons were nuts. They believed all sorts of crazy stuff before they ever heard of Joseph Smith. In fact, Mormonism was probably less insane by comparison.

My Mormon ancestors were tough SOBs, but they were gullible, superstitious, and had a shaky grasp of reality.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 05:56PM

When I was a youngster, Cleon Skousen's 'thousand year' books and some basic math made it clear to most everyone in my little corner of mormondum that the year 2000 would usher in the Millennium. It was understood that the great day of reckoning might happen a year or two either way of 2000 because of man made calendar errors but you better be on your best behavior or you would be weeping and wailing on that great and terrible day at the turn of the millennium.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 06:15PM

Funny how LDS Inc put up a mall across the street from Temple Square not very long after the year 2000, that has an expected lifespan of 50+ years. Apparently rumors of the impending Second Coming were greatly exaggerated, to paraphrase Mark Twain.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2019 06:15PM by Brother Of Jerry.

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 09:43PM

I think it might've been BY who said something like, "Live as if Jesus was coming tomorrow, build as if he's never coming."

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Posted by: bezoar ( )
Date: February 04, 2019 06:54PM

That's one thing I miss about Mormonism growing up - we believed some weird crap and we were proud of it! There was more of a sense of community, being united by our off-the-wall theology. Plus we had road shows, sports tournaments, parties, stake dances, etc. Now they've gone the other way and want to be just like everyone else.

And they never cease to amaze me. Just when I think Mormonism couldn't get any more bland they lengthen their strides, magnify their callings and manage to making everything that much more boring.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: February 05, 2019 12:34AM

Great colorful and entertaining description of 'back in the day'. Almost, not quite though, makes me glad of my dementia and rotting bones which make me qualify to fit in that niche of history.

That Cleon Skousen, he just lit up the world making everyone so happy....kind of like what's his face that is dead and buried who thought of that clever name, little factory. (You know exactly who I mean)

The bit about how we earned whatever s***h*** we ended up in because of how we acted in the pre-existence really was a winner. That one made me sad, but mostly mad.

One you left out was the 3 Nephites....I liked them because I thought they might rescue me from my s***H*** home, plus my friends and I had fun wondering if they were cute and rich and, you know, good dancers and where in the hell were they hiding?

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2019 12:36AM by presleynfactsrock.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: February 05, 2019 02:10PM

Oh, good catch. How could I have forgotten the Three Nephites, those celestial tire changers on deserted highways near Fillmore? D'oh!

Plus the afternoon thundershowers during the Hill Cumorah Pageant were caused by Satan trying to stop the presentation. The showers stopping at sundown were proof that "Heavenly Father" (never "God") was stronger than Satan. The rain always stopped just before the show - except when it didn't.

Nobody mentioned that afternoon thundershowers in August were common to the point of being routine all along the eastern seaboard, and were simply of sign of normal weather.

Another thing - evil spirits did stuff and tormented people directly a lot more than they do now. Ouija boards worked, and could also pin you to the wall. Ouija board attacks always seemed to happen to eleven-year-olds, give or take a bit. I suspect puberty was involved.

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