In the 16 months I attended, sometimes I quit for a few weeks, then got sucked back in. Curiosity, or habit.

It has taken me a while to get to "never"....I will never go back. And it seems the longer that I stay away, the more that "never" solidifies.

Did it take you a few tries to get to never?

I never quit and went back. For me, it was a gradual decline in activity that eventually got me to the point where I haven’t set foot in an LDS chapel (or any place of worship) for years.

It takes most people several tries to quit smoking, maybe that’s how it is for all destructive, expensive habits.

CrispingPin Wrote:

> all destructive, expensive habits....

You've got that right--destructive, and expensive!

And yes, I donated to the rFm Board this month, a much better use of my money than tithing, that's for sure!

It was instant for me. But, I was a convert at 19.

kathleen Wrote:
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> It was instant for me. But, I was a convert at 19.

So you were a convert, and then left at 19? or?
I've looked for your story on the Bio page but did not see it, maybe I missed it.

Don't share if you aren't comfortable but I am interested!

Thanks!

Hi Mel,

At, 19, I met my ex-husband, and it was because of him that I joined. He had the missionaries chat w/me, and they talked about Christ in the Americas. I thought back on second grade California history, and remembered hearing that the Indians believed that Cortez was their white, bearded god who promised he would return. That's why Mormonism made sense to me. Turns out, that was a fib, also.

My poor Catholic mom and Jewish Pop nearly fainted when I signed up for Mormonism.

I was in the whole hoodwinkery for over 40 years, and resigned on my mom's birthday in 2014.

And, I was successful in enlightening my ex-husband to the whole cult, and he quit, too before he died. I don't mean to go on and on here, but I'm glad that I was able to convince him that the whole thing was fraud, because he believed God hated him and that he could never inherit the Celestial Kultdom.

Thank you for asking. :)

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> At, 19, I met my ex-husband... because of him that I joined.

This is an impressionable age.

> the Indians believed Cortez was their white, bearded god

Yes, now I remember learning that too!
>
> My poor Catholic mom and Jewish Pop nearly fainted
> when I signed up for Mormonism.

I imagine they did!
>
> I was in the whole hoodwinkery for over 40 years

OMG!!!

> ..he believed God hated him and that he could never inherit the Celestial Kultdom.

I am glad that you helped him get some peace before he died. How awful that he ever thought that. Thank goodness you could help him!
>
> Thank you for asking. :)

Thank you for sharing, Kathleen!!! Sounds like you have had a very interesting life!!!

I regularly attended church for over 40 years. One Sunday I sat through three hours of church and did my calling. The next Sunday I slept in and never went back.

want2bx Wrote:
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> The next Sunday I slept in and never went back.

Want2bx,

You are a real inspiration!!! Thank you!!! Great story!!!

Took me one second to get to Never. Took one more second to get to Never Ever. Third second got to never ever in a million years.

I'm not allowed to print here what I got to on the fourth second.


Getting there is all that counts, Mel. So, good for you!

It is harder to leave when your relationship with the church is luke-warm---the old, "not bad enough to leave, not good enough to stay" syndrome. For some it's not so bad but for me, well, it was killing me--felt like I was dying on the inside---so it wasn't hard to hit the gas when I figured things out.

> Getting there is all that counts, Mel. So, good for you!

Done,

Thank you for your support!!! :) :) :)

> so it wasn't hard to hit the gas when I figured things out.

Ha! I LOVE this analogy!!!

Hitting the gas, yep, yep and yep! (car zooming noises)

Thanks Done!!!

I was a BIC Mormon, and so were my children. Our lineage went back to JS's neighbor, on my father's side, and to JS's counselor, on my mother's side. All were polygamists, but my family were very PROUD of their noble, Mormon-Royalty ancestors. Some were church Presidents and other GA's.

All of that went POOF! in only a few minutes!

I was (still am) a single divorced mother, and church was the only thing my children ever fought with me about. They loved school, sports, did chores, did their homework, went to the dentist, had paper routes, did babysitting, went to (non denominational) Scouts, had music lessons, etc, but they HATED church. One Saturday, in anticipation of our arguing every Sunday, I asked them, at breakfast, sincerely and lovingly: "Exactly why do you hate church so much? Tell me, and I will not judge you."

WOW! Did I ever get an answer! I've written about this before, but they told me about the Mormon abuse they had suffered several years ago, and were continuing to suffer. I mean, physical kicking and shoving by adult priesthood leaders, an attempted molestation of my little girl, shaming, humiliation, nasty gossip--I was devastated by this! The leaders had threatened my children to never tell anyone about the abuse--especially me. I found out later, that several of these men beat their own children, and one had a manslaughter charge against him. All these thugs were later promoted to higher church positions.

The words came out of my mouth, without having to even think about them: "We are NEVER going to that church again!"

At that point, I think I still believed--in that instant, all Mormon "authority" and credibility flew out the window. In my heart, I immediately knew that these were not men of God. This church was not of God. I would never believe again. End of story.

After we quit, I found RFM, and truth after truth came out, and with each new exposed lie, I became madder and madder! I still get angry about the abuse, to this day.

The Mormons threatened us and harassed us when we first left, and later shunned us--but nothing, nothing was ever as bad as what we suffered as Mormon minions, within that sick cult.

My children are great human beings--adults now--and they have forgiven me, but I will never forgive myself for forcing them to attend an evil cult, and putting them in harm's way.

exminion,

This is a horrifying story of abuse, but I think you should forgive yourself. At least you did ask and pry the answers out of them, that they had been instructed by an authority figure to withhold from you. Many parents wouldn't have been so tenacious.

> The words came out of my mouth, without having to even think >about them: "We are NEVER going to that church again!"

Thank goodness you got there. It took me a little longer, but I got there too! Big hugs to both of us!!!

I was BIC, and decided at BYU that I just didn't buy Mormonism. I had under a year to graduation, and I would have been expelled had I quit while at the Y, so I shut up and hung on until I graduated. Except for a handful of family funerals decades later, I never set foot in an LDS chapel again.

So for me, it was like turning off a lightbulb. Zero second thoughts.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:

> I shut up and hung on until I graduated.

That was probably hard to do but smart. You didn't let them screw you out of your degree, so that was good. So many people try to transfer credits someplace else and find they don't count.

Glad things worked out, Brother!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/08/2019 02:26PM by mel.

BIC here too. It took a couple leaves of absence before I left for good. Once in my teens. Again in my mid-thirties. When I returned for the last time out of nostalgia after both my parents died two months apart in 2000, I stayed for awhile. But it was a destructive stay. They maligned and undermined my parental authority. That was my wakeup call once and for all that it is an evil cult. Only an evil cult would do such evil things.

That's when I resigned.

Amyjo Wrote:

> They maligned and undermined my parental authority.

So glad they you did not let them damage your children!

:) :) :)

They did though. If hindsight were 20/20 I would've not went back when I did.

My daughter especially. She was vulnerable and fell easy prey to their ploy. I blame myself in part, and more the deceitful people I once trusted as god fearing people who are anything but.

Especially the bishop and his wife who harbored my daughter for six months before she disappeared to a foreign country under an assumed name. They were complicit in a cover up. It was payback from my resigning and my daughter resigning years before.

It was the bishop's wife then who drove me to resigning when I did. The manipulation she used when my daughter was in high school followed my daughter into college years later when my daughter disappeared from my life with the bishop's blessing. Cutting me out of my daughter's life was how the bishop got me back for leaving the Mormon church. If they couldn't have her, then neither could I was their reasoning - like a jealous mistress. Only I am her mother. Evil cult.

It very much is now. As I think over the past after going to the temple for the aftermath of the wedding, both I and my ex were on our way out before we got married. The thing is, we just didn't know what to do about the gay situation. He felt like he had to be married and I didn't know what to think, but who else did I have to go to for answers? It was 1983. Nobody talked about it.

Then it happened one day about 15 or 16 years ago. I was walking at the track and I realized that it was over. I was DONE. Never been back to a "meeting." I've been in stake centers for funerals or my daughter's (get this) bridal shower for the ward women.

I just found out 2 of my bosses are gay and have husbands. I thought one was and I suggested my ex come in and meet him. Then one of my coworkers told me my main supervisor is gay. Now that one I didn't catch. Here in little old Cache Valley. In 1983, nobody could have ever told me that gay marriage would become legal in Utah EVER. I'd like my ex to find someone--a good someone.

It was a long and very confusing path to the point I said never.

cl2 Wrote:

> It was a long and very confusing path to the point I said never.

Cl, thank you for writing. I think children complicate leaving. Had your daughter not still been affiliated with the cult you would have cut ties more completely earlier, I imagine.

I am so glad you have found "recovery" and also, I think you are very brave posting your real name as you did on another topic. You go, girl!!!

For me the questions started when the leaders began excommunicating scholars for publishing documented historical facts.
Then followed quotes from leaders such as "Some things that are true are not useful" "When the prophet speaks the thinking has been done" "Little flecks of history" and especially "I don't know that we teach that" regarding doctrine I had been taught my entire life.
It became obvious that the church was not what I had been lead to believe and I would have to be willfully ignorant to stay in.

Shinehah Wrote:
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> For me the questions started when the leaders began excommunicating scholars for publishing documented historical facts.

Wow!

> "When the prophet speaks the thinking has been done"

Yes, that got me also:--that is, till the next prophet speaks and has done some more thinking, apparently...

> doctrine I had been taught my entire life.

Yeah. The book you've been studying is no good anymore....too bad, so sad, you wasted a couple years learning it!!!

My problem was that I anticipated some sort of friendliness or friendship with people within the church. That's where I failed to realize that people only interact with people because they feel coerced because friendliness is an assignment.

Another problem was that I believed in the lies that if you strove to live all the rules (including silly ones) that the Lord and his church would never let you down. Well, they did big time. I stupidly believed that an organization that vacuumed my time and money owed me something in return when I needed help.

So when half of the house that I was residing in went up in flames, my whole universe went upside down. A lot of my personal documents burned up- I no longer possess my school diplomas and other personal papers and pictures. What didn't burn received smoke and water damage. I found myself homeless instantly. Half of the roof burned along with 3 rooms completely burned up.

None of the ward PH leaders in my ward would answer when I called from a pay phone. I played phone tag with the stake presidency for almost a week. Here's what transpired.

"Do you have family Brother Goop?"

I replied yes.

"That's what families are for. They can assist you."

I was dumbfounded. "So there is no assistance available?"

He replied "There are many families living in poverty in your area. The church has no funds to help. But be of good cheer and count your blessings."

So I remained angry for a long time. The only time a ward leader came by was to ask for the keys to the ward clerk's office. He asked, "So you're not going to return to work on the membership records?"

I went to the burned wall and retrieved the burned up key ring. I asked, "Is this burned up key chain the only thing that matters to you?" And I tossed it at him. I was furious and I probably shouldn't have thrown them; even as an underhand toss.

So I remained angry, but the guilt from brainwashing caused conflict and muddled my ability to see that the church was truly evil. The church leaders kept sending missionaries to save the Goops. Some of the missionaries lashed out and said snide remarks like "I wouldn't let a misunderstanding keep me out of the celestial kingdom -or- Jesus forgives so why can't you."

I can't figure out at what point I realized that I didn't give a damn about the church anymore, but I came to the grandest realization that my life was just as good if not better WITHOUT the church. What really helped was that my wife understood where I stood and didn't try to push me to return. Sister Goop did return a few times, but she no longer believes either.

messygoop Wrote:
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> My problem was that I anticipated some sort of friendliness or friendship ...

It shouldn't be a problem! It is a normal human reaction to being in a group....to think you will find some friends! that happened to me too!

It took me some reading on RfM to realize they wouldn't be friends with me because I was low-caste (single, convert)...

> ...vacuumed my time and money owed me something in return when I needed help.

I'd been tithing and praying and paying for around a year when I got injured and had to spend a few days in the hospital.I told a few ward members who I thought of as at least friendly acquaintances--no one called, one particularly cruel girl even asked for my hospital room number and said she'd come by and call (never did either). I mean, I didn't need anything, but even a 5-minute visit would have been nice.

> So when half of the house that I was residing in went up in flames

How awful!!!

> I played phone tag

Yes, they only use the phone when they want something from YOU! no reciprocation....

> I was dumbfounded. "So there is no assistance available?" The church has no funds to help....

Wow. Harsh. This is apparently another thing of the Bishop having absolute power because I know of one family at least in my ward (married couple) who are given $600 per month every month to help them pay their rent. It has been going on for at least 2 years, she told me herself. Your bishop wouldn't help, but apparently others hand out funds like candy.

> "So you're not going to return to work on the membership
> records?"

Oh my gosh. Unbelievable.

> The church kept sending missionaries

Yes they have almost a sixth sense when someone is wanting to leave, don't they!

Glad the Goops finally got free. Did you get your burned documents replaced eventually? Writing to the records departments can take a long time but most everything is on microfilm somewhere.

Thank you for yet another example, Goop, of why NEVER is a good place to BE! Hugs to you and all the Goops!

In my heart, I hit never fast. I was living in UT at the time, so I faked it for a while. Once I was able to move, I was able to live, Never.

angela Wrote:

> Once I was able to move, I was able to live...

Hooray!

Definitely. I was on and off for 30 years before it finally hit Never.

Greyfort Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Definitely. I was on and off for 30 years before... Never.

Did something in particular, or just slow attrition, get you there?

mel Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Greyfort Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Definitely. I was on and off for 30 years
> before... Never.
>
> Did something in particular, or just slow
> attrition, get you there?


I think that little things stuck out to me throughout the years, but I managed to keep going.

But it was getting a job working for the Church which really began my journey out.

I didn’t like the way the women were often patronized and morale was frequently quite low. I had employees crying to me on the phone, because they didn’t feel they were ever good enough. I began to realize that I was working my butt off, but it was never quite enough in that church.

Once I realized that it was actually damaging my self-esteem, I wondered why I was putting myself through that and I left.

Just taking back the reins of my own life began a healing of my self-esteem.

Greyfort Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> But it was getting a job working for the Church which really began my journey out.

Wow, you were an actual paid employee?

> employees crying...> they didn’t feel they were ever good enough.

Yes, I noticed an almost-reflexive reaction, if you ever complimented someone on anything they would never take credit--"It wasn't me" like being proud of doing something well was frowned on.

Ok maybe if you have good self-esteem but disastrous if you don't have much to begin with.

For me, when I stopped going after being TBM for over 20 years (BIC), I always had the idea that one day I would go back. As time went by the idea of going back one day faded little by little. It has always seemed interesting to me that it took me over 20 years for that idea to completely fade away, pretty much as long as I had been in the church. I guess it takes almost as long to undo the brainwashing as it did to ingrain it.

sonofthelefthand Wrote:

>I guess it takes almost as long to undo the brainwashing as it did to ingrain it.

Yes. I wish there were proven methods to speed it up. My theory is to put as many new experiences as you can between you and the thing you are trying to forget, to simulate a greater amount of time passing.

I think the brain needs more 'steam' to process new things than it does familiar things, and so I've been trying to cram new places, new movies, new things I haven't done before, in hopes of placing TSCC farther, faster, in the rear view mirror.

I was working up to it, tiny bits at a time, for many years, although I didn't realize it. When I figured it out (largely due to this board) it was instant - I never went back and rejoiced in my freedom.

Cathy Wrote:
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> When I figured it out (largely due to this board)

Yes. Me too. I might still be going were it not for the support I have received here and all the good insight and knowledge of things they never tell you as a convert.

This Board ROCKS!!!

It started with a crisis of faith in my last year of high school.

My problem: I was thinking too much and thinking without boundaries.

Somehow I had gotten the notion that no examination was really forbidden. Certain GAs had preached words to the effect that the more you learn, the more evidence you will find supporting the truth of the "gospel."

I took that seriously, and was increasingly shocked to find out that the more I learned and analyzed things, the LESS credible Joseph Smith, the Church and the whole enchilada was turning out to be. But I figured that maybe it was a process and that eventually all would become clear and my testimony would be restored and added to.

So I decided to go on a mission and give it my best. After all, missions are where you're really committing to the "gospel" and exercising as much faith as you can muster. (Why else would you spend two years trying to make total strangers pray for the Holy Ghost to tell them (in so many feels) that the Church is true, and make them study the BoM and believe in Joseph Smith's stories?) If my crisis of faith had anything to do with not having enough faith and not working hard for the Lord, the mission was the best cure for that, right?

Getting ready for the mission included going to the temple for the first time. So not only did my first step on what I thought was the path back to a strong testimony fail to advance anything in that regard, it actually set me back further than I had ever been. I never got over the obvious fact that those bloody oath pantomimes were 100% out of place and insanely contradicted everything that the temple was claimed to be. And everything else in the temple ritual was just ridiculous, disappointing and anti-climactic. I went to the temple expecting to be taught profound truths concerning reality and existence, and possibly even information about the spirit world that was too sacred to impart to the general public. What I actually got was silly underwear...and I had to pay for it.

So I started my mission deeper in the testimony deficit than ever. But I persisted. I worked my Roman Rear Admiral (Gluteus Maximus) nearly to death to prove to God that I was worthy of the further light and knowledge that i needed to restore and strengthen my testimony.

Big fail! Everything that I saw on my mission made it even clearer that I was working for a man-made organization whose sole business was transacting in false claims and promises. Mission experiences included a front-row seat observing the mundane corruption and lack of inspiration of mission politics in mission administration and leadership. I saw a stuttering, stammering "prophet" unable to answer a simple question about the Book of Abraham. I spent two years proselyting in a country where you often had to explain from scratch who Jesus was and what the "atonement" was (no better way to reveal to myself how nutty and illogical that concept is).

After the mission it was a gradual fade until my last year at YBU. I had recently learned about the peepstone method of translation used to "translate" the BoM, as well as the connections of JS to Freemasonry and the obviously plagiarized elements of Freemasonry in Joe's "endowment" rituals, etc.

Then one day, I was sitting in another ridiculously boring priesthood meeting, with the leader droning on and on and on about statistics (home teaching, temple work, etc.) and urging us to sign up for projects that were obvious time-wasters and busywork nonsense. That's when the light switch flipped on.

Suddenly everything was fully illuminated in my mind. I realized: "You know, the evidence is so clear that this is all false. It's just a bunch of people going through the motions, based on traditions that are easily traced back to the machinations of a treasure-hunting scam artist (Joseph Smith) and a money-grubbing organized crime boss (Brigham Young) who both masqueraded as "prophets of God" to advance their schemes. I don't really need any of this."

And that was when I hit the "never" point. I've attended meetings (averaging about once every three years) to be with family members when visiting. But I've never been back as a "member of the Church", whatever that means.

Wally Prince Wrote:

> Certain GAs had preached words to the effect that the more you learn, the more evidence you will find....

That was before the No Research edict...yet another revelation which was later changed, I'm guessing?

> I went to the temple expecting to be taught profound truths
...and possibly information too sacred to impart to the general public. What I actually got was silly underwear...and I had to
pay for it.

Profound truth--you pay for everything then we ask you for more.

> Big fail! Everything that I saw on my mission made it even clearer that I was working for a man-made organization whose sole business was transacting in false claims and promises.

Oh my gosh. So sorry you went, paid, wasted time, etc!

> Then one day, I was sitting in another ridiculously boring priesthood meeting...urging us to sign up for projects that were obvious time-wasters and busywork nonsense.

I always wondered what PH were doing in their meeting when I was in RS. Sounds like your meeting were as bad as RS.

> And that was when I hit the "never" point.

Thank you, Wally, This was a very interesting post. For someone who spent all that time studying, and doing a mission, what a leap you made to get out. So glad you are here. Also your humor helps me see everything in a much better light!!!

Hi Mel,

My NEVER was all the sudden. I will try to make this as short as possible.

After my mission I went to Utah State University in the early 90’s. I happened to come across a small basement studio apartment off campus that was close to campus but cheaper than living on campus. What I didn't know is that I my apartment was in a very well-off neighborhood. My basement apartment was in an old home. I had an Orange 1978 Dodge Challenger that was totally ugly, but I loved it. When I attended church the first Sunday, the men had brand new suits, the women were wearing dresses that looked like they were going to a fancy ball. I was still wearing suit pants from my mission! I didn’t care, but it mattered to them. I was totally amazed how they treated me. It was if I had The Plague. There were a couple of people that actually withdrew their hands when I went to shake them. These ‘young adults’ were living at home while going to college. I tried dealing with it for 3 months, but they were a nasty bunch of people. They only called when they wanted me to prepare food or wanted my hands for physical labor. By then I had met some people at school that I became friends with and told them about my ward. They invited me to their ward and the next Sunday I went. Wow, what a night and day difference. Everybody lived in cheap apartments and were all in the same boat, economically speaking. I can’t believe how friendly and kind everybody was. So, I started going to church with my friends which I really enjoyed.

A month later I had a message on my machine from my bishop and wanted to have a meeting with me the next Sunday in the evening. I went to the church at 6 pm for the meeting and I was the only one there. He told me to sit down and then began the interrogation. He asked why I wasn’t in church? I told him I had been going with friends. He continued asking more personal questions like where I was going, and why. He was being extremely rude as I didn’t owe him any explanation. I finally had had it.

Me: Why are you asking me these questions and why is it any of your business?

He got red in the face. Obviously, he was not used to people talking back to him.

Bishop: You should be going to your assigned Ward. That’s what you are supposed to do.

I told him flat out all the reasons I stopped going. He didn’t care or listen to anything I said.

Bishop: Well that’s your problem. If you don’t go to your assigned Ward I can have your temple recommend revoked and you won’t be able to hold a church position. Then there is the possibility of church punishment.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was threatening me. Then, I realized why. He looked all smug and self-confident with his arms crossed. That’s when I lost it. I stood up and leaned over his desk.

Me: Are you threatening me? Cause that’s what it sounds like? I thought you would be happy that I was going to church no matter where I went. But you’re more worried about your precious numbers than people. I hate this Ward and all the snooty assholes that are in it. They treat me as if I am diseased because I am not rich. The other Ward is friendly and welcoming.

He tried to interrupt, and I told him to “Shut up. I am talking now.” I guess I could have been nicer, but he pushed me to my breaking point. I continued telling him he was the worst bishop I had ever had and that now because of him, I am going to leave the church. I said many other things laced with very colorful metaphors. I told him to never to contact me again and I was never coming back to HIS Ward.

When I opened the door to his office, I didn’t realize there were people waiting right outside his door for marriage interviews. They were from my ‘snooty’ ward. I figured I had nothing to lose at this point. I turned back to him and said loudly “You can take this church and shove it so far straight up your ass you choke on it you soul sucking pig f****r.
The look on everybody’s face was priceless. I walked out and never looked back. I knew the church was cow plop. My mission taught me that. I don’t know why I kept going………I just did. But after that experience and everything I knew about the lies and falsehoods of the church, I decided it was time to just STOP cold turkey.

But that stupid Bishop wouldn’t let it go. He called several times leaving messages on my machine. He never apologized. He said he was sorry I took what he said in a bad way. I called and told his wife I would file harassment charges with the Police if he didn’t leave me alone. He left 24 messages, which was totally nuts. I took out my anger on her and told her I would play the messages to the police so no more. And if any of the members came to my door, I was going to the police. Finally, the bishop left me alone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/10/2019 03:28AM by rosysam.

rosysam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
Wow, Amazing story, Rosy!

I can't believe you were a RM and still they treated you so poorly!

I am in awe of your standing up to the Bishop!!! Thanks for this story!

> He never apologized.

Because they are always right...(men in TSCC)

>He said he was sorry I took what he said in a bad way.

Yes, this is the back-handed way of not-apolgizing because its your fault that you took it the wrong way, not about what he said. This is also referred to as "gaslighting."

Thanks, Rosy, and so glad you got out!!!

Thanks Mel for your reply,

Even if I was a good looking dude, it wouldn't have mattered. I didn't come from money. And they thought I was older, because I was bald. (Went bald early.) I mentioned my car because several members commented that they wouldn't be caught dead in that "pile of garbage." I know there are arrogant conceited people everywhere. I was just surprised that there was such a high concentration in one Ward.

A month after that ordeal I was out on the front lawn studying and a guy walking by stopped and started talking to me.

"How are you brother Billings?," he said with a fake smile you would see at an Amway convention.

I looked at him and said, " I am not your brother and my name is D***." I remembered who he was, the first counselor in my Ex ward. I also kept a dead pan face as I looked at him.

He proceeded to try and explain what the bishop meant. STILL NO APOLOGY! It was amazing, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I cut him off very quickly.

I told him, "If you aren't here to apologize, then get the hell out of my face." He said he wasn't there to apologize. He was more worried what I told the Bishop about me leaving the church and me putting the Bishop's name down as the reason why! That really bothered the Bishop and so he sent his crony to find out if I had had my name removed yet. I realized I could use this against Mormons who won't take the hint and I used this strategy 6 more times over the years to get uppity Mormons to leave me alone.

*IMPORTANT*

There are several ways to say it. This is what I told the Bishop and then again to the First counselor. After I told him to take a flying leap in a rolling doughnut, I told him, "I am leaving the church and in my letter of resignation, I am putting the Bishop's and your name (Counselor) down as the reason why I am leaving. And remember, whatever is recorded on Earth is recorded Heaven.

It totally freaks Mormons out. It's worse than calling them every bad word you know. They will either leave you alone or kiss your butt not to use their name in your letter to leave the church.

Hope this helps someone who is having a difficult time with Members that think they can save you from yourself.

DGB

DGB,

I am still so stunned that after you donated 2 years of your life for a mission, they would treat you so poorly. Just emphasizes that appearance is the only thing that matters to TSCC. To care about your car after you had just given up 2 years of paid work that could have gotten you a nice car--really???

> "I am leaving the church and in my letter of resignation, I am putting the Bishop's and your name as the reason why I am leaving. And remember, whatever is recorded on Earth is recorded Heaven."

I absolutely LOVE this. Thank you so much for giving me something to say if/when they come after me.

I hope things are going well for you now that you are out. :) :) :)

Mel,

I learned very quickly that going on a mission means nothing to Morons Inc. They just want more and more.

Things are going well, thank you. I have been with my husband for 14 years now. Man time does speed up the older you get!

Over the years the church has tried but died in getting me to come back. They have become irrelevant in my life.

I've got a good funny for you. Last summer all of the missionaries I went through the MTC with in 1989, found me on Facebook and wanted me to join their FB group. There were 12 of us in the group. I decided what the hell, I'll bite. They wanted me to do a little bio about what I have been up to since I left the mission. Before I left mine, I read through each of their bio's and just shook my head. Everyone of them have been divorced and were on their second and third marriage, had 10,000 kids, and the pictures they posted of themselves and family looked so sad as they were all trying to paint a smile on their face. It looked so forced and strained.

I felt bad for them as they all seemed pretty cool. My husband warned me they would probably kick me from the group if I posted I was married to dude. But I did it anyway. I wrote the bio, uploaded a current picture of us and clicked send. Instead of getting kicked out of the group, they wanted to know more. I only check FB once a week. Boy was I surprised by the comments left on my bio. First, they couldn't believe I was gay and that I didn't look or act gay. Did I know I was gay while I was on my mission? You have been with the same person for 14 years? This is still your first marriage? (I loved that one) Your husband is Sicilian/Italian? Did you meet him while on your mission? Do you still live in Utah?

I tried to answer their questions as best I could. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at the stereo types. I told them that I drink tea with my pinky up and that's a dead give away of being gay. Oh, also us gays love track lighting. (We don't take ourselves serious at all)

It makes me think a little about what could have happened to my life if I had remained Mormon, got married to a woman to cure my gayness, had kids, a church calling and etc. Thank goodness that didn't happen! Cheers.

DGB,

I am so happy to hear that your life is good.

So happy you did not stay in and have a horrid straight marriage while 'trying'...

How funny about the questions--that you didn't "look" gay, etc.

Glad that they welcomed you with tolerance. I did feel that most of the Missionaries that I met were smart people, although deluded. Hard years of life experience has widened their horizons so that is good for you. Maybe some can become friends or at least friendly.

I'm glad that you were able to find some positives!!!

Mormonism bites the hand that feeds it (it should bite it's own lip). If you don't feed it, it'll stop coming around.

You won't go back :)
There is NO way (back)

moremany Wrote:
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> If you don't feed it, it'll stop coming around.

Hahah!!! Great analogy!!!!

:). :). :)

Hooray! I had yet another day of NEVER going back.

Every Sunday that I don't go back, I feel stronger and better.

Thanks to everyone here for their support, sharing their own horror stories, and great insights!!!

It took me 5 years to get to never. It wasn't until my oldest was about to be baptised by me that I realized that I did not want this life for him, because I didn't believe it. I kept going back because in case I was wrong, my children will suffer. Now that I'm out I have the same view, but reverse. Because I didn't leave sooner, and more carefully, they may stay in and suffer.

So yeah age 25-30 I went from super believer, to questioner, to super duper apologist believer, to doubter, to even bigger apologist, etc. etc. until I finally left.

Even the week before I left I told my wife and she said she was so proud of me because I was taking my childs baptism so seriously and recognized it as such a committment, and hugged me and kissed me. She missed the point, and I went one more time and then said I was never, ever coming back. Bishop tried to come over, and I locked myself in my room. I was out, forever.

Guy3,

Very interesting story. That your wife missed the point really illustrates the mindset of those who are in, I think. Did your marriage survive your leaving? And, did you stop tithing when you were a doubter or only when you left?

Your story about locking yourself away from the Bishop -- yeah, I am afraid to ever answer my door unless I know for certain who is coming over.

Hope things are going well in your life!

Marriage is complicated. We are still married, but have been seperated for two years. She's in Utah, I'm in New York. Unfortunately I felt for years that I was living a life I didn't want, and my Mom could sense the resentment. And I would say things like "not leaving when I was 17 was the worst mistake I ever made." Which is another way of saying getting married was the worst thing I ever did. So I understood her pain, it was more than simply having a different religion.

Guy3 Wrote:

> Unfortunately I felt for years that I was living a life I didn't want...

Yes. I have heard the same sentiment from many here, having those years go by being someone you aren't, is really sad.

There is so much knowledge and hard-won insights here on the Board from people who have been there and got though to a better life, I will just say, glad you are here and hope things get better. :)