Bishop: Do you masturbate?

Kid: I'll answer that when you show me all of the following.

The Gold Plates
The Urim and Thummim
The Lost 116 Pages
The Papyri for The Pearl of Great Price
Any fulfilled prophecy from the current prophet
Your degree in human psychology
A consent form filled out by my parents for you to ask me that



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/08/2019 06:15PM by Elder Berry.

And I'll consult with the parent sitting next to me because I'll never be in here alone with you ever again.

Didnt i tell you sir?
Then it must not be any of your fooking business!

"Only a pervert would ask a kid that question. Are you a pervert?"

That's it!

Tragically, the number of kids who could stand up to the pressure of a bishop and his authority is very small.

The key is never to let them in that room in the first place.

Lot's Wife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The key is never to let them in that room in the
> first place.

I wish I would have had the backbone to stop my beautiful children from being exposed to these.

Do you M?

Only to the BoM!
(Like LDS prefers)
Like many morMons.

I will through the veil

Oh, My God! That was funny.

"Bishop -- how long have you had a sexual interest in kids?"

“Do you have a problem with mastrubation?”

“No bishop, works every time for me!”

I'm not a master of anything, yet. That's why I come here. But these immoral questions HAVE TO STOP!

Now!!

Interesting that their age of accountability falls before the average age of puberty.

It is like handing a gun loaded with blanks to an 8 year old and holding them accountable for shooting themselves in the foot when those blanks turn into bullets.

They would only ask if I was sexually pure. I asked what that meant as a teen and the Bishop was so uncomfortable just said being chaste. I would love to have seen his face if I had told him about masturbation.

LadyKorihor Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I would
> love to have seen his face if I had told him about
> masturbation.

It may have been his O face.

Bishop: Do you have a problem with masturbation?

Young person: Nope. Works every time.

Bishop: Do you have a problem with masturbation?

Old person: Yep. Can you help me with it?

Let me give you a hand....

Right hand to the old square to expel the demons.

I never knew all those little squiggly things could be considered demons....just the "wad".

I never once was asked if I masturbate before I was twenty. I was asked "do I follow the law of chastity." Answer that how you want. Once they clarified "that means sex with a women, another man, or yourself." But they didn't push the issue. It wasn't until my Mission that it came up. And that really led to obsessive compulsive tendacies (which is another issues). Then after my mission I was never asked. I even once confessed that I masturbated and tried to turn in my temple recommend, and they refused to take it. They said you need this to help build your armor. They didn't seem to want to know, which I now admire.

It isn't universal. But depending on who is wearing their mantle, their curiosity can kill a BYU cougar and many a testimony of interviewees who don't understand why their discernment is NOT enough and they need to get sexually specific.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2019 01:04PM by Elder Berry.

During the interview with my stake president before going on a mission, there was a part of me that wanted to say: "You can take this mission and stuff it up your ass!" when he asked that question. In retrospect, I sure wish I had done exactly that.