If it ain't broken, I'll break it, and blame you for it being broken.
The squeaky wheel get's the excommunication.
If I had a nickle for every nickle I have, I'd have twice as much money (note to self while rubbing hands together greedily...."add a nickle to tithing").
A fool and his money are soon parted....(note to self...."tell missionaries to baptize more fools").
A rose by any other name is still whatever I tell you to call it.
All we learn from history is that we have lots of history to hide.
All work and no play makes Jack a good mormon.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man on time for church and current on tithes.
Don't judge a book by its cover.....or its contents.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush....(note to self....tie hand to bed post at night and stop thinking about Dantzel and Wendy at the same time!).
The following are not exactly aphorisms. They're more along the lines of things we kinda know that Nelson is thinking, but just hasn't gotten around to saying out loud (quasi quotes or future quotes):
"When I was a regular guy my opinions were just opinions. Now my opinions are commandments from God that must be obeyed. And I think that's really nice."
"Everyday, I thank God for the living Prophet and pray for the Prophet's good health. I mean that not generally. I'm talking about the current living Prophet."
"I am particularly proud to note that just in the last year more than 975,000 instances where the phrase 'formerly known as' was used can be directly attributed to me and my pet peeve about the 'Mormon' nickname. That makes me feel important. And I am."
"I never really liked that famous choir whose former name will not be mentioned. Now everybody is confused about what to call them and they're having a hard time hogging the spotlight the way they used to. That was my intention."
"Monson and Hinckley tried their best. But they never were very good at getting inspiration from the Holy Spirit. That's why they missed the whole "Jesus hates the Mormon nickname" thing. I tried to tell them. They wouldn't listen. Their spiritual obtuseness was frustrating. I smacked my forehead so many times that I lost a lot of hair on that part of my head. But God put them down and raised me up. So it all worked out. Would've been nice if God had worked faster, but I can't complain too much."
"I don't persecute Mormons. I persecute the 'Mormon' nickname. Because God hates it. Jesus hates it and has always hated it. I'm the only Prophet who ever respected the wishes of Jesus enough to act. I'm the best friend Jesus ever had!"
"I've been thinking that some particularly wealthy and devout Latter-day Saints would maybe like to get their hands on temple garments worn by the Prophet. Maybe they would like to wear those temple garments. Maybe they would like to pay to get their hands on such temple garments......Hey! Wendy! Put those old yellowed garments aside and put those scissors down. I think I just got a revelation!"
As the current Mormon prophet is, all of the deceased Mormon prophets once were. As the deceased Mormon prophets now are, the current Mormon prophet will one day become.
================== Not exactly the doctrine of eternal progression, but one of the deceased prophets flushed that down the toilet a few years back, so this is about the best we can do now.