A consumer alert against "Manna from Heaven" a Utah County-based food supplement company has been filed by The Church of Ziontology in the Third District Court.

FAIR Mormon describes Manna as having the appearance of bdellium, adding that the Israelites ground it and pounded it into cakes, which were then baked, resulting in something that tasted like cakes baked with oil. The shelf life of this miracle product is approximately 40 years, especially in regions of a dry climate.

Daniel C Peterson states that "Raw manna tastes like wafers that have been made with honey and is completely irresistible and delightsome to my palette."

Wendy Watson Nelson describes how the manna has helped her keep it all together during General Conference and when touring with her husband.

"Manna is like my faith starting out as a mustard seed and growing into a plant. Its dried sap is used to make this miracle medicine. People in my down line use the dried sap of manna as a laxative for constipation. They also use it as a stool softener to relieve pain during bowel movements and intense spiritual experiences that are too private to share including cracks around the anus (anal fissures), hemorrhoids, rectal surgery, and for me, overactive revelationitis.

Sheri Dew, President of Desperate Book Stores will soon be offering a gluten-free version with optional micro-additions of either estrogen or testosterone for those transitioning between this, that, or whatever.

Hahaha! Thanks for the fun read. :)

Hysterical. hahaha,cricket. Revelationitis! Too good.

I was falling for that until I saw Wendy's and Sherry's name!

And, rumor has it, this product sort-of-kind-of resembles, you know, is cousins with, Christmas fruit cake, but the cake has it beat in longetivity by two+ years.

I'm sure some shyster in Raymond or Cardston will bring it to Alberta ASAP.

I remember 30 years ago some assholes who never acknowledged me before, suddenly talking to me, telling me how perfect they thought I'd be to sign up under them to A) sell Jewelway, and B) sell Herbal Life, and C) sell NuSkin. My my, how bloody hell fucking WRONG they were. Stupid NuSkin contained placental extract or something. Of course after refusing them, I went back to my 'invisible to them' life, which was fucking fine with me. I'm surprised I wasn't hit upon to get into selling Stinksy, or whatever the fuck it's called. Scentsy? That's it.

Is it too late to get in at Ground Level?

I'm having a few friends over to my house at 7PM Tuesday to taste some samples of Manna. You don't have to buy anything but it would really help my numbers if you would please come.

We've identified the only remaing source of curelom horn. Be sure to get in on the ground floor!