AP News - Russell Nelson, Salt Lake City, UT reveals:

The Lord has impressed upon my mind last night that He not only demands compassion but also efficiency among His true and faithful followers. Wendy will attest to this revelation as duly noted down.

Thus saith the Lord, as of today, The Church of Himself of Latter-day Saints shall combine the following four internal organizations, yea, even the Public Relations, and yea, The Security and yea, The Church Travel, and yea, finally, The Strengthening Church Members Committee (SCMC).

By Proclamation of The First Redundancy the combined organizations shall be known to the entire world and upon the records of His Church as The Department of Mo-Land Security and shall return and report directly to me, the loud-mouthpiece of the Lord.

This inspired department shall take pride and spare no effort to assist those under its sacred and secret surveillance to keep an "eye single" to the glory of God and to the story of Joseph Smith.

The AP sought comment from the current director of U.S. Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen who responded, "Who is Russell Nelson and are those Mormons acting up again?"

Check out the new department logo here:
http://salamandersociety.com/slamtoons/LDS-Mo-Land-Security-Department.jpg



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2019 07:29PM by cricket.

To raise up a righteous seed with an eye single to the Glory of God, the new department will prayerfully select those infants whose parents show the highest levels of dedication to the Lord, and will lovingly ease the burdens of parenting from those families by educating those beautiful spirits in an ideal setting to ensure that they grow in the light of Christ to follow the will of God as revealed to his servants the prophets.

Only the elect will be allowed to dedicate their children fully to God. the bishop of each ward will prayerfully present a list to the Quorum of the Twelve. Those who are not chosen for full commitment are not to be looked down on, but rather are to be recognized for their willingness to support in every way the most precious children of our Heavenly Father.

**Prove me wrong!*

Nelson just had another name-inspired inspiration. Church Security will now and forever more be known as Promisedland Security.