"I would indeed be remiss if I failed to take this opportunity to bear my testimony."

"My heart just started beating and I just knew I had to come up and bare my testimony"

Hey buddy, you're heart beats all the fn'g time!

...I failed to take this opportunity to thank Heavenly Father for all the blessings he's given me."


Oh, yes, in case you all hadn't noticed, I'm so pure and righteous that Heavenly Father has just showered me with blessings.

"We would like to thank the Aaron priesthood for the reverent manner in which they passed the sacrament"

They always call it "that great pro-creative power." And then half the congregation has no idea what they're talking about.

"Quad"
"Triple combination"
"Mormon glow"
"In the mission field"
"Burning in the bosom"
"Gird up your loins"
"lo and behold"
"Plant the seed"
"Sweet spirit"
"All those in favor....those opposed"
"Partake"
any reference to one being "endowed"
"By the power or the holy melc. priesthood which we hold"
"Eternal Companion"
"Worthy Companion"
"Earthly Companion"
"Lamanite brother or sister"
"Brethren"

These are a few of my unfavorite things...

Steve
"Mission Companion"
"Trunk or Treat"

Help mete (or is it help meat?)!!!

Jebus Q. Sprite this one bothered me!! Mete is an adjective, not a noun, for eff's sake!

Res Ipsa Loquitur Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Help mete (or is it help meat?)!!!
>
> Jebus Q. Sprite this one bothered me!! Mete is an
> adjective, not a noun, for eff's sake!


I believe it's actually "helpmeet" but in any case, it's a dumb word.

"Even." As in "Our prophet, even Thomas S. Monson." or "Even the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/28/2010 12:18AM by tjpnet.

I don't know what I'd do without the gospel.

We thank thee oh God for a prophet. (sung or spoken)

We have modern revelation! (yippee! about earings, not life's tough issues.)

We are so blessed daily in our lives by living the gospel. (good things happen people, just like bad)

Maybe it's the holy ghost. (if i mention having a feeling about something)

Let me bear you my solumn witness that (...yada yada yada yahoo)

I bear you my testimony that ....

Are you a mormon?

"Don't you think he'd/she'd make a great Mormon!"

This from a bishop-"I've been praying about this (whatever the situation) and I feel inspired to tell you...blahblahblah". No thanks bub,I'll get my own inspiration thankyou.

"We want to thank those who have borne their testimonies today....but we could have used a little more cowbell."

Shut the F@CK up you arrogant little sh*t!!!

punctuated with 17th century unnecessary words like "even" and "unto", or the unctuous "I am humbled to stand before this assembly of God's righteous people, even the saints, the guardians of the one true...blah, blah, blah. And even among you sit the annointed servants of God, called before time to lead..."

The self-inflating, pompous ego-stroking and mutual grooming that passes for introductions. Ugh