Today, during a quiet minute at work, a memory came through my mind, actually two, and I thought it could be something to share here. As I wrote a few days ago in another thread that I don't know how to link here now, I have been visiting RfM for 14 years, almost 15, but I VERY rarely post something. I feel too shy for that, and this place is too rough sometimes. I don't know...

Anyway, I'll try it and as a starter, I'll tell you these two little episodes in my mormon life.

A long time ago I moved to another country to accept a job at the European branch of an international organization. I had been a member of the church for about four years at that time, I had already been "through" the temple (and this for itself could be the subject of a new thread...), and I came from a small branch. I must admit I already had some items on the shelf, but at that time I still thought it was my fault, or..."I'll handle these items at a later time." I was excited, because I knew that in the new city I would have found a larger ward and be able to experience the church in a proper way.

In my new city the church had three wards. One was close to the place where I was staying, so I thought well to attend that ward.

Many can feel at home immediately moving from a ward to another. Certainly it wasn't my case. My excitement for being at last in a real ward dissipated on the first Sunday, and the following months were very challenging for my feelings about the church as a community.

I admit I am not the most outgoing person, but I think I am usually nice and polite. As a new single woman in the ward I had expected a better welcome.

Well, I was in that ward for three months, and NOT ONCE the Bishop came to shake my hand and welcome me. NOT ONCE! Eventually, when I was getting ready to move to another place in another area of the city (and thus to another ward), I got home teachers assigned. I was quite upset about getting them when I was ready to leave the ward; they had known that I was there by myself, in a new country, new city, new job, new ward, but left me alone the whole time. To their only credit: they at least helped move my stuff to the new apartment.

At a time when I was struggling as a new church member in totally new circumstances, the fact that the bishop never once came to me to welcome me in the new ward left me quite hurt and I was happy to leave that ward.

Years later I met him again, when he was visiting another ward. I approached him and told me that I remembered when he was bishop of the X Ward and that I had been in his Ward for some months and he had never said hello to me. He was embarrassed.

By the time I moved to the new ward, on the other side of town, it was summer, which helped my morale a bit, while everything else continued to be challenging. In the new ward I got home teachers right away, sort of… I remember only one of them, an elderly high priest. One hot Sunday afternoon, and this is the first memory that passed through my mind today, he and his wife invited me to their house. They received me in their well-tended garden, a table was set and after a while the wife served some ice-cream, on a plate, not a bowl. It was a hot summer, I think the hottest at this latitude in the ‘90s. The ice-cream soon started to melt, my home teacher's wife was already sitting at the garden table, her husband was coming back from the kitchen with something else. And the ice-cream was melting on the plate. I couldn’t stand it any longer and I began to spoon it. They looked at me horrified. I admit I had been impolite for eating before he had sat at the table, but the major crime, as I realized, was that a prayer hadn’t been said yet!! The blessing of the melting ice-cream! I blushed and felt so embarrassed. I don’t remember how the afternoon went on, but I was glad when later I left to go home.

So, this has become longer than I thought, as always I am tempted to delete everything before posting (that’s why I post so rarely, because I always click 'Cancel'.) Not this time. Thank you for reading.

Good stories, you should post more.

Remember we never know who's reading, and therefore who were helping.

I'm so glad you didn't click 'cancel', Tyrrhenia.

At least, you didn't turn your bad Mormon experiences onto yourself, like I did, for a while. I thought something must be wrong with ME, for having questions on my shelf, for not having regular HT and VT visits, etc. You had the wisdom to see that the cult was flawed. Your bishop SHOULD have been embarrassed. I was new in our SLC ward, and, luckily, I got to know some other single and divorced women in the ward, and we were all treated just the same. None of them had HT's, either. The most beautiful one was shunned by the women in the ward, just because she was so very beautiful, inside and out, and the men admired her.

Thank you for sharing your memories. I enjoyed reading about your memory of the ice cream melting on that hot afternoon. What a great metaphor--"the blessing of the blessing of the melting ice cream!" It's amazing how the memory works, and how strong visuals impressions can condense and focus all your feelings into one intense turning point. I'm so glad you are out.

You express yourself very well, and I can still remember the awkwardness, the feeling of not fitting in, the feeling of not having any real friends there (except for my unmarried friends). Yet, for years, I played the organ and piano for them, and taught Sunday school, and paid tithing--and received nothing in return, except abuse to my little children.

Whether you are alone in a strange country, unmarried, shy, needing God in your life, wanting to raise your children in a good place--the Mormon cult does not help--it makes your life WORSE.

Sorry for the typos.

I'm sure your experiences will help those thinking of joining or thinking of leaving the mormon church.

How pathetic that the bishop never took a moment to welcome you or help you feel comfortable in that ward.

As for the ice cream incident, it's the hostess who should feel sheepish. She was thoughtless to serve that melting ice cream and to expect you to sit and let it turn to a runny mess in the sun.

She should have told you to start on it right away and she could have said a quick blessing in less than 20 seconds if that was her problem. "Bless this food and thank you for it." How hard is that?

I hope more stories from Tyrrhenia are coming ...

Ty,

Very interesting tales. I can relate as I was also a single woman.

I had a little different experience--people did speak to me but not progressing to friendship. I did try to engage with them--I invited them to join me for lunches or dinners, sometimes with the missionaries, but after little reciprocation, my disillusionment with finding a 'community' came at the same time as my doubts about the church, so I left.

Thank you for posting. It is a rough-and-ready crowd here sometimes but I enjoy the stimulation and hearing experiences, don't be shy!

-Mel :) :) :)

I like your stories, Tyrrhenia. I think that many will find them helpful. A kinder hostess would have noticed your melting ice cream and urged you to dig in. My family sometimes does that when someone is unavoidably delayed to the table.

It's great to have you step out of the shadows and say hi. I am sometimes hesitant and delete most of my thoughts rather than post also. Makes me wonder how many drop in but never come out of the shadows to say hi.

Thanks for sharing.

I have known similar leaders that ignored newcomers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2019 07:55PM by messygoop.

I would've thought of ice cream as more of a snack rather than a meal that requires a blessing lol.

In 90 degree weather especially, when it's melting how could one not expect to dig in right away? I wonder if it's a cultural thing for the country to pray over ice cream?

Strange huh?

Not welcoming you into a new ward is just well, rude and inconsiderate. But then those guys don't have any training or credentials when they get their callings. They may be the biggest dip shticks on the block and still be called to the bishopric. I've seen the best and worst (mixed bag) in those callings.

Enjoy your posts !

Loved "the blessing of the melting ice cream" story!

I bet none of those people bless an ice cream cone when they buy one at the mall. This was totally about virtue signaling. Think of it as competitive righteousness. You are well rid of it.

Please tell us about the origin of your username some day, if you are so inclined. Welcome

I get here the next day and find so many comments to my post, so much positive and encouraging feedback. Thank you! Thank you everybody.

Yeah, "the blessing of the melting ice cream", I'm still laughing since I wrote about it last night.

I absolutely didn't think about the possibility that the ice cream would have been blessed, it wasn't a meal, it was just a snack in the afternoon! And after all these years I never experienced a snack being blessed by local TBMs.

Also, you do NOT serve ice cream on a plate, never! How are you supposed to spoon it when it melts?

In the years I have become very aware that bishops have no training or credentials when they get their callings. They are not trained pastors, or - I like this German word - Seelsorger, somebody who looks after the well-being of the soul. In Italian it would be padre spirituale, also a good term, but leaders in the church are not that.

As for the origins of the name I use here:
Ancient Greeks used the term Tyrrhenians to refer to non-Greek people. Later the term came to refer specifically to the Etruscans, for whom the Tyrrhenian Sea is named. You can check which area of the Italian peninsula was inhabited by Etruscans and that's where I come from, without getting too specific.

Great post, Tyrrhenia. And anyone who is a friend of Cludgie (as I know you are) is a friend of mine ;-)

Best regards from Paris

Thank you!

...and how I envy you for being in Paris!

...by the way, now that I post something at last, where is cludgie?

I wouldn't spend too much thinking about cludgie. He's old and cranky, and is renovating a house, as I hear.

He's a great contributor to the board and i wish he posted more.

I liked your post, too. I worried about posting and, here I am, years later, still posting. It has helped me heal A LOT. It can get tough sometimes, but I've never met one of the people in real life, but they've helped me a lot over the years!!!

Some mormons . . . I can see my mother's relatives wanting to bless the ice cream. I don't remember ever having a prayer at my dad's family parties, etc., which we had a lot of. They have to prove who is holiest of the holies.

Many wards are like the one you attended and bishops don't welcome people. I remember when we first moved into this ward. I had twins that were 8 months old. The ward was having a party at the local dam. My ex decided it was a good day to go water skiing with his workers during the party, so he would come to the beach now and then. I didn't know anyone and I'm not social. I'm sitting on this blanket with my twins alone in the midst of strangers and nobody talked to me. I was furious at him. i didn't want to go in the first place. He had to argue with me every time we went to a ward party from then on.