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Posted by: T. Hrew Faster-Slowerson ( )
Date: March 12, 2019 04:58PM

They try to bait me all the time we met.

A couple of them "dog-whistle" me at gatherings because they want the old good days back when I reacted and lost my mood and they stepped in and shamed me for saying no.

It is like they want me depressed and sad.

These are people in their 50s and they just get more and more pathetic with their manipulative antics. They smear-campaign me and triangulate. Have no clue really what stories they are spreading in these days but I notice it in how people treat me socially.

But I sense one thing, the more they fail to make me react the more they withdraw.

Everything is upside down.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: March 12, 2019 05:50PM

Try to get out and make new friends and find new interests to take their place.

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Posted by: blacksheep1 ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 02:25PM

There are patterns, expected roles for everyone, in dysfunctional families or other emotionally/mentally unhealthy groups. When one person quits, or tries to, all of the rest of the group will try to pressure that one to come back so that the group members don't have to look at their roles or actions (no self-reflection, no honesty). The unhealthier the group to start with, the harder it will work to make the leaver come back. If that doesn't work, the members will use shaming to try to convince themselves (and the rest of the world) that the leaver is the sick one. It's all in THEIR heads, and that may be why you describe it as upside-down.

You can find this information described in more detail in many helpful books on dysfunctional families, family dynamics, etc. The weirder it gets, the faster and farther you should run. Don't get coaxed anywhere near that quicksand. Congratulations on having the sense and the strength to remove yourself from it.

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Posted by: You Too? ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 02:46PM

Well stated.

Some basic concepts from Family Systems Theory in there too. So that might be something to read up on too.

I cut off all contact with my mother some 20 years before she died. It worked well for me.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 06:49PM

Good for you for setting boundaries and enforcing them. You deserve to be treated with love, understanding, and care. If they dog-whistle you, just laugh at them and move on. Or roll your eyes at them. I used to occasionally laugh at a neighbor who was shunning me. I don't know what it did to her, but it made me feel great!

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